So the first show of the season has since come and gone, but I am playing catch up again.
Last week I took both my girls to Windurra to get another good xc school in. I felt like Tillie's first one of the season was a bit rusty, and Kiss' was less than confident with the wet footing.
I rode Kiss first to tire her out so she would be happier about standing on the trailer. She came out feeling a lot more confident even if I wasn't. My biggest issue starting out this season is riding a bit timid/not brave enough up to jumps. Once I do, both my horses shine...but when I micromanage and shut them down...well they shut down.
Dom decided to have us tackle the water right away, discussing the order of jumps and questions and why we school in that order. I found it interesting since usually we wait for water later. But for him he wanted to put some "money in the bank" for later in our school.
She did well going right in and we got right to doing the bank out. We attempted to do her first ever bank into water and her confidence wasnt quite there, but here is the succession of getting through it!
and finally much more confident:
I was really proud of her working through this. Dom also said it was a great schooling experience and reassured me her initial reaction is very normal for a first attempt.
From here we went to the dry banks and the confidence building paid off:
Usually kiss will look at the down banks and hesitate but she felt good and confident...and i am getting much less worried about them myself! From here Dom kicked me in the butt and said lets ride FORWARD...get up to the jump.
We ended at the ditches and Kiss handled this like a pro too!
Our aim is Loch Moy BN this weekend...I am hoping we are ready.
The last two years of my life have been rough...and its my own fault really. Piling things on my plate and never stopping to just process. But in the end, it has led to this season and what will come. In a lot of ways it's better. I had some time to erase bad habits. To really think about what I want.
Getting Tillie around prelim was HUGE for me...
I will admit, after stepping off the prelim course and being so thankful we finished. I had a twinge of doubt we would get back to this any time soon. I couldn't say why...or give a reason. But I was definitely right. Tillie ended up getting tendinitis of her superficial digital flexor tendon...and the recovery took quite a bit of time last year. It didn't help she figured out how to open her stall door and proceeded to have a joy run **gallop** around the farm.
Not sure what the fuss is all about guys...
It allowed me an easier season with Kiss to just chill...and realize how burnt out I really was. The break did a world of good for Tillie too. So far she's coming back stronger and sounder than ever.
You can tell which one is the morning person and which one needs coffee first
We have plenty of homework, but I am putting it out there to hold myself accountable: I am trying to qualify for the 3-day at Waredaca. AND get our passport to do a 1* (maybe not this year, but this year is the set up...).
Tillie isn't so sure she's ready for the workload
We have Fair Hill this weekend at training level in the hopes to knock off some dust and tackle my own show nerves...we will be living here until I feel bored again like two years ago at the level.
Smaller goals are to get Tillie's gallop where I feel the adjustability is there when I ask...not 10 strides later. And get our dressage scores up. Which means, me not blanking out and doing nothing in my test...which I have a tendency to do.
Well hello again blogger friends (if I still even have any left). I went on a bit of a hiatus for so many reasons, but in a nutshell I was burnt out. I changed barns, started up my own lesson program, got Tillie to prelim, Tillie got hurt, I moved in with my (then newer) significant other while paying off some significant divorce debt., my job became way more intrusive and the flexibility I once enjoyed was slipping away...can you say WAY too much on my plate?!
Yes I have a pet pig now (Meet Penelope)
I did it to myself. Rather than stop and smell the wilting roses and process all the change, I powered through pretending I was ruling it all. When really it was slowly chipping away at me. I felt constantly overwhelmed and feeling like I needed more time in a day. I knew things had to change, but I didn't know what it was that had to give or what I felt ok with giving up.
Isn't she just the cutest?
My horses had to take a back seat for a while and that really got me down. I work very hard to pay for them (we all know they aren't cheap even when just hanging out). I felt like I was doing all the work and busting my butt feeding shifts to make extra money...try to teach despite the crappy weather every. single. weekend. All while not having the time to enjoy or ride my horses. I even started listing both for sale to see which one would sell to try and cut back...and I am SO glad that didn't happen.
But I really got into cooking though...
Despite the time off not being by choice, it did myself and my mares a world of good.
I found a new job that is only 10 minutes from home and 20 from the farm...with flexibility and work I REALLY love. I didn't realize how my last job was eating away at me. I fought so hard to stay for so long (like my marriage) because I thought it was a good job for me. And it is a great job for someone and a great company...but it no longer fit ME and what was good for me.
Don't worry Goose is still around, all grown up and ornery AF
The week I started my new job, I went down to for my annual visit to Kentucky for the big 5* Land Rover Three Day Event and it brought me back to life. I swear that was not intentionally planned!! And my trainer Dom Schramm was riding in it - so I was THRILLED to go and cheer him on. All I can say is the trip brought me back to life in regards to my motivation with my horses.
Kiss (my 5yr old Ottb) schooling on Tuesday
Tillie (10 yrs old now wtf) schooling Wednesday
I fully intended this season to just plod along and come what may come...but I felt inspired and realized I can do this again. It will take time, but I have it in me. I have the support system, the coolest horses (I was taking for granted) and now the time to be able to do it! (heck yea no more two hour daily commute!). I have come back home and literally hit the ground running with both girls...being aware to take it day by day and not burn myself out again.
However the entries are flying and my bank account draining...
Anyway...I am hoping to get back to blogging to document this season. I have a few, ok A LOT to catch up on and fill everyone in - if anyone still follows me that is. See you all around!
It's amazing looking back at old footage or photos how easy it all looks. But we all know, in the moment or even moments surrounding that moment was a ton of blood, sweat and tears.
Lately, I have been really nostalgic and review tons of old footage and photos. I guess I am hungry to reflect, learn and keep growing despite feeling a bit unmotivated as far as actually getting in the saddle lately. I blame this some what on an impromptu weekend away at a barn friends bachelorette weekend...and it was right up my ally ( much to my surprise)
Dont usually like selfies or this much of a close up...but gotta love the beach curls
It was really nice to lay around, nap on the beach and most of all swim...what can I say, I am an active person at hear ;)
I realized on my mini vaca that I feel a bit unmotivated in general and have felt a bit weird lately when it comes to riding. Reflecting on this more, I sort of feel like its because I reached my HUGE milestone I set to make it to training level. While there is much to work on and clean up here, its a major accomplishment for me that we made it here and with me in the saddle.
Lots of this lately and its lovely
Dont get me wrong, the lessons are still happening...and lots of learning. I am just laying a bit low lately, hence the lack of blogging.
ALLLLLL the lessons still
Tillie has been on point, and we have gotten great feedback in lesson noticing overall improvement and thats great to hear! I am still my own worst critic and can admit at times when I feel defeated, I back off before I rally and make my big comeback to kick my fear's ass.
Like galloping on purpose at home in the field.
Ive turned to an old friend lately to help me relax when I dont ride, and its sketching or drawing!! For those that dont know me well, my degree is in art and design. While I do more marketing and graphic and web design now, my passion still is with good old fashion illustration and painting (particularly charcoal or oil paintings)
Beginning phase of my latest drawing but now including color pencil
Final result
It has felt reallllly good to pick up the pencil again...and I love being able to combine both horses and drawing together. My goal is to fill up my sketch book and just experiment....and i hope it carries over to my riding too. Stop trying to make it all so perfect and just get lost in the art of it all.
I finally today got my professional photos from our last event at Waredaca and boy am I excited to share them. I purchased them because I feel like they captured all Tillie and I have worked for this year...and it basically is me reliving the glory of this moment. Running the XC and being so stoked we ran Training I was choked up running across the finish here.
I really love the last two because you can see me grinning from ear to ear...which is rare to see me do when riding, let along mid-jump. Look at all the other photos and my face ranges from being dead serious, to GRRRRR to "holy shit."
But these last two really epitomize the relationship Tillie and I have built this year. This was one of the trickier combos on the course. It was the B element after a fairly decent bank up, bending line to this skinny. Tillie was brave, hunted the fence and took me right to the base of it without any hesitation at all.
I knew once we jumped it we were home free and my smile and HUGE praise to her and pats after this were just so ridiculous, but to me this moment was the height of all we worked for.
Call me a sap, call my sentimental...but getting to this point has been quite the journey. Most of it documented here. I fret over small things and agonize about our progress, but at the end of the day THIS photo captures our journey this season. Our #progressnotperfection.
I LOVE this mare so much for being able to start this season out at BN and doing Training, with me in the saddle, in the same season and feel sooo good doing it. Sure, her rider needs to figure her shit out and stop getting so nervous, but my mare has stepped up and proven she thrives in this sport. I cant even believe I ever questioned it now.
I promise to try to update my blog more regularly...we have some more things and events on the agenda before the season ends to stay tuned!!!
I cant believe how long its been since I have addressed my goals...but my last post (from MAY!!) can be found here.
I have removed my ongoing ones that will never go away like my crookedness issues and such, but adding what I am focusing on at this point. My last goal post has tons of things that should always and forever remain my "goal" but for the purpose of this post, Ill be listing what is in the forefront of my mind.
ME:
Heels down on landing from jumps - its gotten better, but still is happening
from july 2 show see those heels...and gripping of my thigh?
Softer, quiet hands all around both in dressage and jumping - Tillie doesnt need all the help anymore so I need to leave her alone when shes doing her job
Better timing of aids for newer movements (aka shoulder in)
Stop using so much inside rein!!!
Chin up when jumping (new pics show I still am looking down on some fences)
Dont be so frustrated with the growing pains
at Loch moy last weekend: See my eyes...I should be looking up at the horizon, but Im looking at the ground on the other side of the fence somewhere...
The last bulleted goal is one i havent had to list in a while...I am lucky in so many ways because its been smooth sailing. When I first started feeling the frustrations sink in during lessons I was able to walk away positive still and know it takes growing pains to grow. I know its time for them...weve been coasting here for a while and I just need to be sure they dont take away from my confidence.
Any blip, fall or negative moment has the capability of taking a piece of the good. I am trying my hardest not to allow it to and spin it in a positive light, just like the fall last weekend. I dont want to ignore them...because feelings have a way of getting way more magnified if you do, but at this point, I am feeling ok and know full well what the frustrations are meaning. In the past I think I didnt have the hope along with it.
As for Tillie:
TILLIE:
Improve right hind weakness - this is being added after the SI lesson
Watch the haunches swinging in when asking for bend
Gallop more uphill (adding this back in too but it has improved...)
It seems like not so many here...but shes been sooo on point. Most of her issues stem from me. So my goals obviously are more stacked.
I am hopeful for what the rest of the season holds...While I have some doubt again, I am not discouraged. As of now its motivating me to be better!
With competition season fast approaching...I am aware I need to crack down on a few goals for both myself and for Tillie.
My monthly goals are sort of spilling over month after month and sometimes are there sometimes arent, so I dont consider them confirmed (release being better, heels down over fences and on landing...)
I am going to break it down by phase and then by rider and horse.
DRESSAGE GOALS:
ME:
Work on my crookedness issues
Ride the outside aids more
Improve sitting trot
Ride the canter more brave and comfortably (ll gaits for that matter)
TILLIE:
Improve right hind weakness
Get stretchy trot more confirmed
Get the right shoulder lifting more
Dressage skillz
STADIUM GOALS:
ME:
Dont get handsy before a fence
Wait with my shoulders if I dont see a distance
Get braver and ride the more forward distance
Better timing on the half halt
Release more!!
Heels down more
TILLIE:
Jump more uphill more of the time
Stretch more over fences
Exhibit A
CROSS COUNTRY GOALS:
ME:
ALL stadium goals still apply lol
be braver about down hill terrain and down banks
Let Tillie go more forward and trust her
Canter fences!!!! no more trotting everything
TILLIE:
Gallop/canter more uphill
Jump without looking at the jumps all the way over so its more uphill
Be able to boldy jump skinnier fences and brush without hesitation
How not to jump a roll top:
I am happy to hear tips on achieving any of the goals listed above!
I guess this is sort of like a blog hop because a few bloggers have published an "I want" theme lately and reminding us that we shouldnt be saying "I should be" or comparing where we our with our horse to other people (even though its the world's easiest thing to do).
This is sort of like a more informal goal post...to say what I want to achieve without the pressure of making it a goal and without comparing to a coulda, woulda, shoulda.
Undoubtedly, this sport constantly throws us for loops and questioning our progress. Two steps forward, one step back....one step forward and five back. Their are peaks and valleys and its taken me a long time to learn to appreciate the valleys to better enjoy the peaks. Our failures or not so great times are what us able to reach the correct way to do something to reach the peak.
So I am going to list my wants...as ridiculous as some are, putting them out into the universe will hopefully help them come to fruition.
I want to be less of a worry warrior regarding Tillie's soundness and when she does injure herself (I plan to get insurance for her in the near future and hopeful this will appease some of my anxiety).
I want to feel better about my riding and Tillie's now that we reached a good constant place, be better about giving us both a pat on the back rather then worry about my position or her form
I want to be better at trusting Tillie. Shes earned it the last few months.
I want to gallop in an open field without Tillie bucking.
I want to jump down banks or jump a jump down hill and not be tense or worried about it
I want Tillie to keep liking her job and keep her happy
Last year before our first novice when I trusted her sooo much more jumping.
I want to trail ride and hack out more often and have a relaxed horse when I do
I want to cross country school and worry more about the question rather then what Tillie might do next to explode
I want to show and compete without so much anxiety and enjoy it
I want to stop worrying about where we are level wise in relation to everyone else
I want my pride in Tillie to be enough and stop worrying if anyone else thinks she awesome
Tillie knows shes awesome...no self doubt from her!
There are sooo many other I wants that I could list...but I am excited to read this list and notice many of these are in a much better place then my goals from not so long ago. Most of them are personal...things I need to work through and a lot less of them are from struggling to figure it out with Tillie.
I dont think we are struggling anymore, but rather navigating through this growth and learning as a team now. That feels really good!
Continuing on my recap from the weekend...it also includes my Sunday dressage lesson. I dont normally do lessons on Sundays other then teaching my own lessons, but with it being overcast and a bit drizzly I jumped at the shot to slip in an opening that C had right after Emma had her lesson.
So we hitched a ride with Emma and I am thankful she got Tillie loaded up for me while I finished up with my last few lessons. After a bit of rushing around, it turned out C was running really late so I made it long before Emma got on and was able to watch hers! She'll be recapping her own lesson on her blog I am sure soon - here.
An indication of how our lesson went...a tired and itchy Tillie
I mentioned in my Part 1 recap from Saturday's lesson that lately I have felt Tillie falling back into the old habit of wanting to put herself in a safe zone and not being all that agreeable when I ask to change that. She'll happily go around straight, bent to the inside, high or low but once I put her there, that is where she wants to stay. She is quite smart and only recently did I figure out this is what she was doing rather then just being stiff or harder one way vs another etc.
C pointed this out right away and said that while its a much better place shes putting herself in, we still need to be able to adjust her more readily and have more give at any time. So we went right to work and I can summarize all I can hear in my brain after the warm up:
Push her around the inside leg even more - SO much freakin inside leg
Watch out for a stiff right hand, but open and close to have more bend in both elbows especially the left (nice to know I have issues on both sides)
My left shoulder creeps forward making me crooked/twisted in my torso
Dont be afraid to take the rain until she softens BUT I must soften and follow her back
Tillie had a few moments of "No I dont think so" before she settled into a nice rhythm and really started to dig into work. She was so into it, her vibe was contagious and I felt a bit like the little engine that could as if she were thinking "I think I can" over and over.
C had us going on a 20 M circle spiraling into a smaller circle focusing on really getting her to give and wrap around my inside leg before using a fairly quick leg yield to push her out without losing the shoulders. Here is where we talked about leg use and keeping it longer when applying it since I have the old habit of lifting my heel and my leg then shrinks about 6". Ok maybe not THAT short, but its a bad habit among many others I need to break.
Here is a video of warm up...notice Tillie really starting to dig it by the end of the clip:
After the warm up we continued trotting but started asking for leg yields, but really quick lateral ones to promote getting her out of her comfort zone. Tillie was all business.
It felt really good and still amazes me how well she is progressing despite not riding at all during the week with our ring still frozen. After a bit of a break which had a lot less rude pulling and rooting then usual, C had me start back up said, "ok, now sit your trot"
Lol I made a face apparently because she laughed and said everyone makes that face!
Being fairly new to sitting a trot where my horse is actually going...it is not the most pleasant thing in the world. Ill admit, I feel as though I am riding it ok, until I watch the videos. The amount of discomfort that I am emulating is so apparent I was uncomfortable just watching it:
At this point, Emma started filming since my phone died. C prompted for me to canter (I love how we will be going along and rides as you go and gives us commands a few strides before she wants it). Sadly we missed capturing on video the first and most wonderful right lead canter transition. It took both Tillie and myself by surprise that C even laughed and said it was all over my face.
C had us move onto leg yielding in canter to get her more mobile and rideable in canter. At this point its been all about the basics of balancing her and keep her from diving on the forehand...so it felt really good to receive a command that required taking our canter to the next step - which as you can tell in this clip Tillie wasnt quite prepared for:
What I have loved about the sitting trot despite how uncomfortable it is, is how much it has helped me get a better feel in the canter. I can only describe it as me feeling more balanced and stuck in the saddle which allows me to use my seat to better help Tillie. The leg yields in the canter were quite fun! Tillie gained a bit of speed through them, but it didnt feel too bad with how soft she was.
So we moved on the left lead canter which is our harder and weaker lead. C guided me on how to use a better timed half halt to get her more balanced and using herself better without me grabbing and bracing on her.
It produced quite a nice canter and we were able to do some of the maneuvering from this lead as well. At the end C had us try some lengethings in the trot across our diagonals to promote testing the boundaries of balance which Tillie tends to err on the side of caution. You can see in the clips she gets a bit unsettled and really doesnt let go of her shoulder just yet in them...but C reassured me it would take some time for her to trust herself to just ride very straight, weight even and both elbows stay at my body.
The lots of homework part includes:
Taking Tillie big around the entire ring to test try to get her trusting lengthenings more
Sitting trot there is no head wag which means rising trot happens from tension on my arms
Bring my left shoulder back/straighter
MORE inside leg and MORE bend to get her out of the safety zone
Sitting trot practice rocking back more and letting my "crotch bounce"
Stretchy trot (which we did a few circles of here)
Poor Tillie was so tired after trying so hard she was ready to go to sleep:
