I was very excited for Kiss' first outing...Loch Moy is always one of my favorite places to go show. Its pretty big, so its nice exposure and my hope is to get Kiss more and more comfortable out and about.
It didnt exactly start off as planned...when we started getting her ready, we discovered she had pulled her shoe off in the trailer. Yes, I kid you not. In. the. trailer.
Of course there was no farrier on site. So I had to call the one they had on call and pray he could make it. Luckily he could, and Loch moy let me push my dressage back to be the last rider in the ring in my division.
So this is happening
There was a moment he didnt answer (I called back again to be annoying...prob why it cost $75 to put the same shoe back on) and I sent the girls with her back to the trailer ready to pack it in. I was happy to see how chill Kiss was eating grass...but we interrupted her grazing to get the darn shoe on and get into warm up.
I headed into dressage warm up an hour early totally expecting to walk around, let her relax and see all the things. But once we got in there, Kiss became so tightly wound the only way to get her brain on me was to get her feet moving.
My favorite jump of the day
She put in an ok test - but she pulled it together which made me proud. She jumped around great despite some wiggles coming away from the trailers, but all the jumps she was brave and locked on to like a pro.
I am definitely sad she isn't in my barn anymore, but so thrilled with her new home. Shes going to kill it out there with her new person!
I just realized I dont think I ever formally introduced my "baby" horse Kiss (jc name KissTheButterflies).
Finally having my girls together at the same barn felt really nice
I saw an ad posted about her and just could not stop thinking of her. I had fresh money in my pocket to go towards her purchase and it was burning a hole in my pocket.
The day I went to look at her (she is 3 in this picture)
If any of you remember Typo in my adding to the roster post...I sold him pretty quickly to an adult male as his first horse because he is just so chill. I knew pretty quickly he wouldn't be sticking around...i like my feisty mares...and he fit perfectly in with his new owner's agenda. They still are building together and happy which makes me super happy.
One of our first off farm schoolings...can you say wood allergy!?
Kiss has by far been way easier, more sane and willing than Tillie was at this young age. Sure she has her moments, but she is just so NICE. She was so good at her first few events last season. Worried for sure and just wiggly...so not like the cocky tillie dragging my butt around.
First ever full event, looking the part already
Both my mares could not be any more opposite. Kiss is typically happy to plod along however fast or slow you ask...sometimes more on the slow side. She tends to be a worrier which is something we are working on. Really managing her confidence and protecting that.
Another outing in the season at Loch Moy...having some baby feelings about it all
She jumped around very well and confident though!
She isnt as brave as tillie, but once you show her the way shes usually pretty honest. I admit to not always giving her the driving, supportive ride she always needs to things simply because I am not used to that! Its been a learning curve for me but a very fun one. Hence us sticking at intro last year to feel one another out...we were about to move up to BN for one final event but all the darn rain foiled that and everything was cancelled.
Dressed up in "racing gear" for a paper chase
All that rain didnt help set us up for success this year just yet. This season we are struggling with her big feet somewhat, but we got pads put on and so far **knocking on all the wood** that has seemed to keep her happy and comfortable.
Did i mention she sometimes feels like a human blender?
My goal for her this year (shes is now 5) is to keep plugging away at the confidence building. Lots of miles, traveling and exposure. We will likely live in BN land for a while until she tells me she's bored.
Schooling at tranquility last fall
The mare has some talent in there I am excited to see come out, but must be careful not to push too fast too soon...because she is so much easier than tillie was, its easy to get carried away.
Not touching this mom!!
Scope for days
Her legs and feet are so much thicker than Tillie....and her body longer. Its been interesting learning how to put her together. Shes also much lighter in my hands...
First day of trying her
Last week
She was so young and awkward, I really tried to take some time with her...i gave her most of this winter off and the time off hasnt disappointed. Shes come back well aside from the feet issue.
Just because shes cute
Our first schooling of the season she was doing much better jumping across and not so up and down...however we went again when the footing was wet and we had that issue again which makes me things studs are needed sooner than I realized.
So that is Kiss!! My princess pony...while Tillie is very much still queen bee. We have a busy season planned between the two!
NeI have a bit of catching up to do on sharing videos with you all so I am combining this post of my xc schoolings from last weekend and last evenings. We have been a bit busy with me wanting to really feel confirmed at prelim stuff going into the weekend.
Brother and sister stare down
Last Saturday, right from the start Tillie came out warming up super relaxed and waiting on me. It felt super comfortable and set the tone for the entire schooling. Its nice when shes like this because then I ride her more confidentially and forward like she needs to be for this level. This also was my first time schooling without a trainer there pointing at things telling me to go do it.
So picking and choosing was definitely something I had to think smartly about and feel out Tillie.
Here is some of warming up over some of the smaller stuff, but we finished off with the big table at the end! It felt nice and gave me more confidence to try the prelim stuff on my own.
This was pretty early into schooling after warming up. Tile came right up to this very confident. It was the first skinnier test of the day and she came in nicely without any worry. I knew I needed to keep my shoulders up with the terrain question.
Next we moved on to this bending line with corner/brush type fences. I knew my ride in needed to be accurate without drifting. We got a bit of an add to the second fence and it really should be a 4 stride not a 5 but we worked on this with Dom yesterday.
From here we moved on to the keyhole combo. I was very proud with how much Tillie hunted out the final skinny.
This was a fun combo to try! The first time through I came in too forward of a ride so came back and learned that I needed a better, deeper approach to the first log so we could be ready for the bending line out over the final log. It rode a lot nicer that way!
Then I felt brave and decided to give the big trakhener to the skinny a try. I knew we needed enough power to get over the trakehener but then be able to rock back and focus on the skinny. I was worried Tillie might land from the first and get too wooden before the second, but she shocked the hell out of me and coasted right along to the skinny.
Next up we moved onto banks...the dreaded banks. Its no secret that I dislike riding them despite down banks being fairly easy so long as you sit up and let your reins slip. Sounds so simple right?
But I knew I needed to conquer this because prelim drops, well, are much larger and more prominent on courses than previous levels. So I started with a bank down I did before so had that in the back of my mind to boost my confidence.
Tillie is super keen and has no issues with banks, so of course it rode just fine.
So I ran the house to bank down in reverse to add that shorter combo and timing to make sure I didn't anticipate too much and was able to keep my shoulders up. I knew I needed a deep distance into the house so she landed softly for the bank. Then we circled around to give the skinny a try that we have had issues with last year. Tillie jumped it cool as a cucumber.
We stepped up our game and did this bank complex. I remember looking at similar combos here before (they change jumps around but typically have similar questions around) and thinking wow that looks really scary. Tillie made it feel effortless. Riding this definitely turned a corner in my mind about riding banks!
Last but not least we moved on to water so I started with this slight bending line. Tillie came in a bit powerful to the log and I didn't let my reins slip enough. Luckily I sat up and recovered in time to direct her to the skinny out. NOTE TO SELF: Slip the reins!!!
I knew next I needed to conquer the larger bank into the water. At prelim there will be a combo there so I pulled up my big girl pants and gave it a try.
With that I ended our schooling for that day. Tillie gave me such try!
My kiddies
Up next (below) is a recap of our schooling last night. I don't have as much footage but will walk through the footage I do have. I wasn't feeling super great physically going into this schooling so came out of the gate riding more like a weenie. Which I believe caused Tillie to be a bit more keen to lean on me and be up to some old tricks to start like taking the bit any time she had a moment.
Dom reassured me its normal, we all have those days its just about getting the rideability you want before you go onto course. So it was actually nice it happened here so he could walked me through my XC warm up for Saturday in case she was more like yesterday's ride. He really implored when shes like that not to get too backwards. That I need to learn how to keep the forward and get her more rideable out of that forward canter without shortening it too much.
The first footage I have is this corner which she jumped great after this, but I only have the first attempt where I left her drift so she dropped her shoulder. She was still being a bit wooden at this point in the schooling but Dom talked me through it.
Up next we did the skinny brush bending line. This was the second attempt since the first one was nice and quiet, but he wanted me to come back and do it out of a more forward canter. While Dom agreed it wasn't as pretty, that's the canter we need to get smoother in these combos.
At this point I was still feeling a bit defensive and coming into this exercise was able to over come and ride it forward, but as we came to the table with it feeling a tad down hill I got a bit too greedy causing the dreaded gappy distance. We did finally manage to get the right ride, but no video footage unfortunately. This is the point in time we talked more about doing the homework of that forward ride...which until today has been better. He told me not to fret, just try to not make this the habit for Saturday which will likely be my go to with my nerves.
At this point she got much more rideable though and we gave the roller coaster complex a try. I was fully expecting issues from this one. This is the better take on it, the first one wasn't caught on film...but as a learning experience: I misunderstood Dom and rode the first time on a deep approach to the first jump causing a need to push to get to the second making the third jump just a tad less approachable.
So instead you want to come into this out of an open canter off the first with a longer take off so making the distance to the second you get that deeper ride. That way the second one backs them off on the landing so you have the adjustability to the final jump. My nit pick is I still got a bit forward in my shoulders here.
To end we went to the water like usual and we ran through this combo and small bank down. We refined my shoulders for the down bank before moving on but it felt pretty good!
Finally Dom laid it on us and had us finish with the big brush out. I was extremely skeptical we would get over the big brush at the end the first attempt but Dom confidently said as long as I got my right line, didn't let her drift and had the right canter she would do it.
Of course he was right!
So here's to hoping she feels ready and I feel ready on the big day.
When a big life event happens, good or bad, it has residual effects. Either way there will be a period of time where you are just stuck in between. Where things aren't settled, there is no new routine yet and your new normal hasnt been established yet.
It can illicit feelings of excitement, relief, restlessness, anxiety and a whole medley of emotions. Not exactly something you want going on when riding. It was a great motivator to keep my emotions in check so it didn't push back our progress.
It was amazing though how quickly the main emotion of relief took over and then happiness. I finally felt the freedom to dream big without the pressure. I realized I was using my riding as a way to escape my life and putting way too much pressure on myself and Tillie.
So much happier with actual smiles when riding!
I went into this season with the mentality of just do what feels good. If you aren't happy about it, overly stressed or it isn't feeling great, lets take it slower or reevaluate rather than push so hard to make it perfect.
What do you know, it made riding fun again. Not to mention a much more pleasurable Tillie. So fast forward to now...we are about to make our prelim debut this Saturday. As terrifying as it is, I am excited. I keep reminding myself the training is in there, as long as I don't get too frazzled, we can do this.
My Dom lesson last night was a nice little boost from him reminding me that we have been doing lessons, we have been schooling the prelim questions and Tillie has been show jumping clear and running XC like it was made for her.
He warned me prelim stadium shouldn't be as much an issue for Tillie, but it will feel much bigger to me and not to let it get me wound up and lose my cool.
He has had us do a few jumping exercises in a rotation leading up to shows that, so far, have seemed to get Tillie jumping very careful at events.
One is setting up either a one stride to one stride or a two stride to two stride with the middle jump being a wider square oxer. The distance should be set a bit shorter to encourage the horse to sit and jump powerfully.
As long as I don't over ride and try to compress her too much, I am confident she will be ok. No pressure on me right!?
In either case, its encouraging to hear your trainer back you. Its reassuring for me and his "you'll be fine" comments instill a tad more confidence that we really can do it. He said the jump to prelim is one of the larger step ups and it will feel that way, but not to let it back me off. His biggest piece of advice was for me to let the mare go. Don't sit there and not ride, but stop micromanaging her canter and gallop so much and do what you need to do and let her at it.
The rideability we have gotten from the slower gallop and canter we have to start achieving out of a more open stride. He reassured me it is there and to trust her more. He repeated several times, if you chose the right line and you have the right canter, this horse will do it. But you get her in too weak, she might run out and tell you she didn't feel good about it...and then Ill feel silly for doing too much.
So in a nutshell, let the horse get her butt going and when in doubt sit my butt up, put my leg on and get her shoulders square. He even told me I shouldn't even wear my watch...to just go out there and not worry about the time, but to make sure I did let her gallop out when I could.
The next piece of advice was to pay attention to the first combination on course. He said its typically jump 4-5 in and its typically one that will set the tone for the rest of the course...
Come in to it and add too much, youre setting up for a harder ride the rest of the course, but come in and nail the striding and get the right ride its confidence building for the horse and money in the bank for later on course when you need it.
Today and tomorrow will be a dressage day working on really memorizing my test so I don't get any errors!! Then one more jump school Thursday, this time doing an ascending grid based on Dom's recommendation.
He reassured me the mare has got it in there, that I just need to keep a cool head and ride it confidently like its just another training with the adjustability and speed needed for prelim.
Ill keep you all posted through the week and post some xc videos soon! What do you all do to keep your nerves in check?
It is a topic I have seen written about again and again where people talk about the struggle of deciding when its right to make the leap and move up to the next level.
Its a topic that there really isn't a blanket answer for (aside from the repeated advice, "Do it when the current level feels bored"). The choice is really personal. One that you can only know from knowing your horse, your own confidence and lots of discussion with the professionals involved.
Going for it
I felt the move up to Training level was pretty huge because for me that level as my big goal. This big thing in my head that I built up. I didn't really think about moving up to prelim until Dom started asking my plans for the season.
Point her at it, She'll jump it
When we discussed it initially, it was agreed we would just see how this season goes at Training level and re-evaluate when I felt ready...as in not hurl when looking at the huge prelim tables. I have been keeping an eye on Prelim courses when I have walked my own. Some have looked HUGE. Slowly though, they have started looking more doable. I would find myself thinking, "We can do that!"
Skinnies are becoming less of a thing
Realistically speaking, I was totally fine with the plan of getting miles at Training level considering the struggles we had even completing an event without forgetting a test or **ahem* a jump. I knew I needed to become comfortable enough where I did not feel so frazzled.
Getting the hang of this!
Interestingly enough, by the 3rd Training into this season I stopped freaking out at the size of certain jumps on my course and started thinking more about timing, how to approach it etc. Without fail when walking my course, I almost always would have one fence that I would frantically text Dom and ask, "We have jumped something this big right?"
Water jump!
Any prelim jump in comparison scared the pants off me. But I noticed by the time we competed at Seneca, I was eyeing the prelim course while I walked mine and started thinking what we could realistically do and what we needed to start working on to be able to do what I didnt think we could do.
It wasnt pretty, but we did it
Pretty soon I was feeling like more and more of the prelim jumps were looking a little less intimidating, while training level became something that felt pretty easy. I hate saying that because this sport is anything but easy...and that whole wait to move up until you're bored thing, do jumps ever become "boring?"
Anyway, the entry is in for Seneca September 2nd for our Prelim debut. I reached out to the organizers to be sure I had the ability of dropping our entry down if I felt like our schooling leading up to it felt like we werent ready. Ill admit, I was feeling pretty 50/50 on it.
But after this weekend, I have never felt more confident! I took Tillie to windurra to school down banks and skinnies specifically, while also doing other things. But its no secret I hate down banks...and Skinnies are really the step up to prelim I am not 100% confident we are confirmed there.
Ill post more on the specifics later, but lets just say, we are ready!!
I have used this phrase a lot lately...and when things get tough my usual positive spin on things takes a turn for the south. It is hard to stay positive when things are not going your way. In more than just barn stuff, life has been tough.
But I do have the old saying...
Basically when shit hits the fan, you dont give up. You persevere. When everyone else would walk away, you stay and fight it out.
I need this reminder right now because I am feeling particularly down and out about my own personal riding capabilities right now.
Tillie meanwhile is quite happy....most of the time
Its one thing to know what is limiting you in regards to progress with your horse and their training level...you know, setting realistic expectations. Which I am notorious for putting the cart before the horse and getting wayyyyy too ahead of myself. However, I do think I have done a much better job this year keeping my expectations in check.
Like going into a training level event, but not give any shits about time
So where am I feeling the hardship?
I have not been one to back off a fence because it is big. I attribute much of that to my extremely courageous partner. Tillie and I have never had a refusal or run out - only 1x schooling xc and it was completely my fault. I feel incredibly fortunate to have such a forgiving horse in that way.
But where I am currently struggling is my own ability when it comes to setting Tillie up so she can get the best jump possible. I kid you not...I can't even jump a beginner novice fence without biffing a distance right now when just a short while ago we could own a training level stadium course smoothly and out of a forward rhythm.
Well we tried to learn how to gallop the other day....Tillie learned fast is fun while Mommy learned that we can go faster than the speed of light with steering being optional and half halting is no where in our definition
In short, it really sucks when the realization hits you that your own incompetence is hindering your progress. I get it. We all face the fact we have things to improve on and will forever be working on something. But I am without a doubt in an existential crisis of "what the fuck are you doing?!"
I can sit here and brag about how far we have come this year and the little things since that are better. But at the end of the day, my recent lessons have felt a bit redundant. No fault to Tillie at all. I know when Tillie is resistant and not cooperating and for a little bit there, she deserved that blame. She sort of kind of did turn into a fire breathing dragon when it got chilly suddenly, but we have since worked that out and the only person to blame is myself.
Yawn - Snooze - Boring says Tillie
OK, OK...I sound like I am being realllllly harsh on myself. Maybe I am. But I hate feeling like I pay for the same lesson more than once....and hate even more what my trainer must think when they repeat the same thing over and over again.
I understand the concept, but implementing it....well thats another story.
oh hayyyyyy
I havent felt this insecure in a while. Last time I did, we were in a rut...and maybe that is it: We are at another plateau ironing things out before a break through. At least I am hoping that is what it is.
Either way. It sucks. ANYONE that rides, I know can relate.
Hacking out is improving...unless is a colder day
Regardless of how hard I am on myself...I can honestly say that I am supremely excited for the leaps and bounds of progress Tillie has made even in these last few weeks when it felt like we werent. While she certainly has her issues and training needs, some newer changes have me quite excited about her future.
Warning: this post will be very long, possibly all over the place and very winded. Its a bit of my reflection on this weekend...
As my previous post stated, Tillie and I took a fall at our event on Saturday. Since then I keep replaying that fence over and over in my brain trying to calculate what I could have done, what went wrong and mostly feel determined to conquer it more than any other emotion.
I am extremely fortunate to have the support system I have. The number of text messages, comments on my facebook page, emails etc wishing us well has warmed my heart and makes me feel way more feelings about that rather than the fall itself. I know I have support...but just how much and how many people have been following us through this year has really amazed me. Its nice to know I have people in our corner, even ones I do not know so well.
What really touched me was the support from my trainers...P texted me later that evening on her own after seeing the results that we had a fall and wanted to see if we were ok. I am tearing up writing about it because I know my trainers see and teach sooo many students. Being an instructor myself, we do get invested, but I never thought or realized how invested my own trainers are in Tillie and myself. I reached out to Dom and he immediately said he would call me this afternoon once he flew home from a clinic to chat.
My conversation with my instructor P was really encouraging and she reassured me in so many ways. She promised me Ill replay that fence thousands of times and suggested we try to get back there to school that fence after the next horse trails which unfortunately I think they will be moving it. She also was really supportive about whats next and said not to stress too much and wait and see how Tillie feels coming out of this. She said with how well shes been jumping, if shes confident like her old self, stick with the plan and do Training level at Olney with it being a inviting softer event, but if either of us feel backed off then we will bump back down and stay at Novice.
I trust P immensely so will do what she says and play the next few weeks by ear. I am eager to speak with Dom as well today and see what he says.
I am quite looking forward to the next few weeks of not showing and just digging into lessons...I am feeling really exhausted! I was shocked yesterday when sitting down and going over my schedule and I realized I havent taken a single day off in months. Between my full time job, lessons, training Tillie, schoolings I have been out the door by 6 and home usually after 8.
I certainly felt the wear last week on fourth of July...I was so sick monday and talking with a few friends about it sounded like pure heat exhaustion or just exhaustion. I really didnt dwell on it and kept pushing on but my heart wasnt super in it the rest of the week. I was kind of relieved when Dom couldnt make our lesson Thursday so we could just school around ourselves - I almost didnt at all. I am really glad I did though because it was rejuvenating and a trust building ride (read about it here).
Despite the lovely rides I have been having on Tillie, my inner neurosis started creeping back in again starting Monday and I found myself stressing about Tillie. Almost as if I was looking for things to be wrong...she has been so incredibly quiet in so many ways and a bit quirky about some other things I just always revert to, is she ok? My lesson Monday P confirmed she was in heat so that assuaged some of my worries...but after Thursdays ride in a snaffle no less I actually took her temperature when we got home to make sure something wasnt wrong. (God forbid its the obvious answer of having a horse that is more trained).
I even contemplated trying to sell my entry for the weekend telling a good friend of mine I just didnt think another show was needed for us and I was worried it was too much. Both her and my trainers said nah, shes fit, in shape just do it!!
So we prepped and the night before when I tried to braid her on my own I about had a panic attack because I couldnt for the life of my braid...I felt silly but had some friends come to the rescue. So there was no turning back and I sorta thought to myself, ok one more show before a few weeks "off" from shows so we can just chill and work on lessons and such.
In a lot of ways this show was one of our best shows. We pulled in, Tillie couldnt have been any calmer and acting like a seasoned pro...and I right there with her. Absolutely NO nerves even for our dressage. Granted it was freaking HOT. Like suppressing, humid weighing you down HOT. But Tillie gave me what I asked for and was quite willing to move off my leg, be forward, be slow be whatever I wanted her to be.
I clearly wasnt in the right head space because not only did I forget part of my test once, but TWICE and started riding parts of test A instead of test B. Despite this, Tillie felt amazing. She was on point and even with our errors we scored a 32.3.
I felt like our schooling rides and even warming up she felt sooo different. My initial reaction is always OMG something is wrong, but warming her up at Loch Moy she felt willing, easy to bend and ready to work so I talked myself down thinking maybe we just have had a nice shift in balance.
Walking the XC course, nothing scared me. I was super confident and the fence we fell at I did mentally note to come in forward and it was a bit tricky, but was confident Tillie would clear it and be fine...my motto has always been Tillie will clear it which now I am not so sure I can say anymore. I ran into trainer D walking his course and he chatted with me a while and prodded at when we finally were moving up to training and where. He thought we should look into full moon and try to sooner with how well we thought we were going (little did he know we would fail later this day).
Warming up for stadium, one again she was quiet but fell into a nice rhythm. We had a few initial fences that werent the greatest but once we got on the same page she was great AND was giving me all her leads. We marched down and I was determined to make the rollback ride nicer than I had seen all day. Despite a flier to fence #8 which you can hear my apologize to Tillie for, the course was great, forward but controlled:
Tillie woke up in the stadium round and our final circle she was flying and wasnt sure she wanted to stop. It made me feel better for XC since I was worried she would be too quiet (which seems ridiculous to even say about her).
I dont always warm up for XC but I opted to pop over a few for this event just to let her know the fences were solid but also wider. She glided over it two times no problem and got herself excited and I remember thinking there's my girl.
Tillie calmly waiting in the start box and off we went:
Watching her jump this one, I was pleased to see she did it well. Like I said, I keep going over all the details of the day worried I missed something or if she was too tired...
She woke up and cruised around the next few...even a brush fence after a down hill approach. We galloped it out a bit and the video below is either fence 4 or 5 right before our fall.
I remember landing from fence 5 and Tillie was galloping nicely...I did give her a bit of a half halt to ask her to pay attention knowing the tree line was coming.
She saw it, I felt her swap her lead in front about 5-4 strides out which shell do a alot when reading a fence. I clucked to her telling her to move up to it and she did...she took off nicely and I was already thinking about what was next... but I remember looking into the woods on take off and myself thinking it was dark and I couldnt tell where the path was.
Next thing I know, I hear a sickening thud of Tillie hitting the jump and me landing flat on my back. Is it odd to admit when I did my first thought was hey that was comfortable landing...? Next thought was, I still have my reins in my hand because Tillie came down with me, but luckily caught herself and was standing by the time I got clear focus on the situation. Then I felt surprise and disappointment...not really sure how we ended up here and then disappointed we didnt or wouldnt get to finish the course.
As I walked off the course, I felt strangely ok. Both mentally and physically. Mostly the shock of it all and not sure it fully sunk in. As I walked off I noticed Tillie had quite the cuts on her right hind hock and a nick on her left stifle...but she was definitely short on the right hind so the vet was called over. I was asked how I was and organizers were questioning my physical state of being, What I think happened so they could note it down and then my Horse's well being.
My instant response to what went wrong is Tillie just misread the fence and hung herself on it...I didnt think much more about it with being worried about her until later...but Tillie was content as a clam trying to eat grass and perking up as horses galloped by...the vet palpated her leg and was confident there wasnt a fracture especially with her bearing weight and wiling to walk up the hill and load more weight on it.
He promised to come find me with some banimine to stay ahead of the swelling, but to go cool her off in the misting tent. Tillie loved this tent, she drank to her hearts content and was a bit ticked at being cold hosed on the leg but the more we walked and got back to the trailer, the more comfortable she became on the leg.
I just felt a whole lot of something but was oddly calm. I had moments of stinging back tears when people started texting...but again I think it was mostly the wave of feeling appreciative but also disappointed and kicking myself for pushing us to do one more event before our move up. Why Couldnt I have just left us where we were?!
A nice trailer neighbor stopped over and gave me some kind words too. We had been chatting all day telling each other good luck...little did i know who he was and turned out hes a local trainer also riding the upper levels. He told me he watched our dressage and stadium rounds and thought we looked really great and kindly talked me through our fall on XC. He said not to worry too much that it was tough and closer to a training level question and if she was only 7 it was likely a green horse, wrong answer moment and that they happen. That alone made me want to cry. This sport never ceases to amaze me on how nice and supportive people are even if they dont know you!
I thanked my smart brain that I always have first aid in my trailer...even if its meager, but it did the job to clean her cuts and do a medicated wrap. I also had my ice boots so was able to fashion it to wrap her hock for a bit while waiting on the vet to arrive with banimine.
I felt a bit somber on the drive home and continued to respond to the flood of messages as I removed Tillies wrap and spoke to my own vet to make him aware. I kept waiting for the shock to wear off and the fear to take over...after all I just fell as well as my horse. Its the kind of fall that given another day could have been much worse or even a rotational. The more I though about the jump, the events leading to it I still felt like I rode it how I should have. I felt sad for Tillie knowing she tries so hard and she gave me a try even if it resulted in this...and I worried about how it will affect her.
The mare has been so on this season so far, it is really hard to even fathom this happened. Shes never so much as tapped a jump hard before this fall and we both have been going around jumping bigger things confident and cool as a cucumber. I felt terrible at knowing Tillie really couldnt read the fence and it has me worried for future events with similar situations. Tillie has always been sensitive to lighting changes...shell even flinch when riding in the indoor when passing by a ray of light. I question how to approach that to prevent it from happening...and how can I help her in these type of situations. What could I have done to help?
That jump has been on my mind constantly since...my only reprieve has been when I am teaching or keeping my mind busy, but the instant I have a moment, it sneaks in. I am being super self aware...am I nervous to jump again? Will Tillie be? What I find the most strange is I dont feel nervous at all. If anything Im dying to get back on and go jump. I want to jump all the things and help Tillie learn the right answer...haha clearly we arent going to be doing that. I am letting her rest but luckily the mare is sound. I plan to hop on her for a light hack today to see how shes feeling and will determine what we do from there.
I am eager to get back in the saddle because I know the longer you wait the more that self doubt and self confidence starts to seep out. I have been feeling pretty darn confident this year and I want to keep it that way. My hope is to be back jumping later this week and slowly reintroducing Tillie with it to see how she feels about it. My gut and how well I know her is predicting shell be just fine, until we get to another shaded question again...I know shell be more backed off with that.
With that said, I am listening to her. Ill only proceed with what she tells me shes ready for and what my trainers suggest. I am so lucky to have had such a positive season up to this point and happy so far with how things are feeling after this event...I still feel good, I still feel positive and counting my blessings on having had such growth with my horse even in this moment. It was definitely a learning moment and one that made me realize just how much eventing is all about the partnership with the horse youre riding.
I know her so well and I knew in that moment she was just as surprised as I was and since has been galloping in her field clearly not worse for wear.
So we can now say with the ups we have the downs...and we will overcome :)
Its been a few days since this at-home jump school so I am hoping I don't miss anything...I also realized too that its been quite a while since schooling at home on my own outside of a lesson or a show. What is interesting about that, is obviously things are a bit different...you dont have to get it done like you do at a show and you dont have someone coaching you when in a lesson.
One of the better moments/fences with nicer position
So definitely more room for error, but also more room to experiment. Which I am trying to do in the hopes of refining my position over fences.
In addition to this, I am also going to be trying to take lessons on other horses in the hopes I can shake things up and see if that helps at all as well. I am pretty fortunate Tillie is pretty game and tolerant of this stuff. She has her moments, dont get me wrong where she tells me I messed up, but she really seems to be ok even when I royally mess up...she doesnt miss a beat and she comes right back around to the jump all business and confident. I am extremely grateful for that since I know some other horses are trickier rides in instances like that and would back off or lose confidence.
Definitely not lacking and confidence here!
I jacked up my stirrups one more hole to the top hole per Dom's suggestion. I was a bit worried at first that they would be too short/uncomfortable, but after the initial getting used to it, I didnt really notice.
I notice that when I get too forward with my upper body before take off, my lower leg does come back, but for the most part I think that has gotten better. My main issue remains being too grippy with my knee and thigh once Tillie's hind feet leave the ground. So I need to do some serious homework in hunter land and channel equitation-like form.
Trying to fold more so I can release more...but not lay on Tillies neck either
The gripping is something I also do when cantering in dressage, so I have been working hard with C on that as well. Unfortunately the last few lessons I havent been able to convince anyone to come to be able to video...which bums me out because C lessons ALWAYS end up being so packed with knowledge I know I miss that I like re-watching. Its almost like getting my lesson all over again. I also am positive there would be noticeable change in Tillie and I really would love to be able to see it and see what it looks like compared to what I am feeling.
Anyway, thats an entirely different post ;)
Dressage makes Tillie sleepy...arent her big ears just the cutest?!
So here are the videos of us jumping...some misses, but overall I think pretty good! Any misses were totally rider error on my part and I am super please with how well Tillie is jumping. I also am excited shes getting better about getting that left lead!! Not 100% yet but definitely improving now that Dom helped us with straightness.
To wrap it all up, Tillie has been getting massages from my sponsor, Ashley Lynn Moorhouse Equine Services and I couldnt be happier with how Tillie feels. Its a clear difference and our recent dressage lesson the day after was by far the loosest in Tillie's back ever...to the point sitting trot on my part was back to being laughable.
She got one Monday after our derby and she was definitely sore...but Wednesday she was much improved!
