I sadly do not have any new media for you guys...at least not a ton of interesting stuff. But the great news is that I finally have had two rides where my horse feels back in business.
Soooo sweaty
I chose to do two dressage lessons two days in a row to help kick start us back to our happy place. Tillie showed up ready to work and I couldnt have been more relieved.
Yesterday's lesson we finally ran through Training level test A since that is what we will be tested on at our next event. Boy let me tell you what a jump it is from Novice. Here is the test for reference: USEF Training Test A
We realllly hate flies even after being sprayed
Unfortunately the test is still in a small dressage ring, which makes me nervous about the two trot lengthenings and one canter lengthening...they are hard enough in the larger, full sized ring! So definitely something Ill be practicing in the smaller arena at home.
She says I soooo pretty! Also really curious about the foals running around
Yesterday's lesson she was the perfect weight and contact in my reins...she felt willing to work both ways and we finally had some nice canter work. C commented my riding on our lateral work and said I am getting better at riding the movements and fixing Tillie when she attempts to give the wrong answer!! YAY!! Let me tell you, lateral movements fry my brain...but Im sure the more I get comfortable with them it wont seem soo challenging.
There's her pretty face!
Anyway, back to riding through the Training level test...not only is it way more going on than Novice, it all happens really fast in succession...you dont have large trot circles to help prepare, its literally one movement into the next.
Which, luckily for us, seems to ride pretty well for the most part. C hadnt remembered this test but was happy with how it rode for us and said it did tend to show off Tillie's best qualities.
After running through it once in the larger full size ring just to get the lay of the land, we ran through it again but focusing on the areas that gave us a harder time...which C said she was surprised at which parts did. She said she would have thought some other parts would but that she generally liked how we did.
The stretchy circle is tough because it comes right after the trot lengthening...so to change modes that quickly is really hard. Not to mention, stretchy trot with Tillie we always let it slowly build with her tendency to want to rudely root or throw her head down. It also happens to be the only 20M circle in the whole test...everything else is 15M.
C recommended we play it safe but to def work on it at home as long as she didnt start to pull down.
The other thing we worked on was getting our lengthenings to happen faster out of the turn because that small arena is small and there is not a whole lot of time to let things build. The trot ones we got pretty darn good!! The canter one I still am a bit of a weenie and dont really go for it as much as I could.
All in all I am super excited to have her back...now we need to go XC school to make sure *I* feel good out there too!
As I talked about in my recent posts, we have been addressing recent feet issues in this dry heat. In addition to that, we have had some extreme temps putting us in a heat advisory restricting actual riding capabilities...
so we graze and hang out...
So take a really fit thoroughbred, red head mare...give her roughly two rides over a week...mix it together and you get a monster. Yep, legit.
Seriously though, she isn't nearly as bad as she used to be...but the fire breathing dragon version of Tillie has re-visited us even in this heat and I have to say, I really didn't miss it. Ok maybe a little part of me is happy to know it still exists (meaning Tillie still has the feisty tendencies and is feeling good), but I am quite happy not experiencing the rearing, bolting and all four legs coming off the ground.
Trail ride on Friday
Friday was my first ride back on her since getting her feet redone and she was still slightly ouchy occasionally on her left front so we took to the woods and trails for a hack. Miss sassy pants walked with such a HUGE marching and swinging walk my abs were on fire about 15 minutes in...I couldnt reprimand her though since she was keeping it to four beats (barely), but fine. I get it. Mare had some time off and is fit so has some willies to get out.
Like spooking at this long...
Or spooking at absolutely nothing here
going so fast in the walk its blurry!
Spooking and getting excited at seeing open space
Look VERY hard for her friends
getting confused because she cant see them
In all seriousness though, she was ok for this ride...just forward in the walk which isnt a bad thing. With my recent concerns of her being tired, Im pleased she feels good! Just wish we could rein it back in a bit.
And the spookiness??!? Who knows...she isnt typically that flighty. She can be when she is in heat, but I guess with her being all energetic and jazzed up it comes with the territory.
Does anyone else find their own horses get spooky after a few days off?
Quite pleased with herself after
So knowing she felt good enough to walk that well and jig at times...she felt sound enough to try trotting her around in our ring which, with the soft footing, she felt great. So I planned to come early saturday to try to beat the heat to put in an actual dressage ride.
Gunner says noooo dont leave me!!
I get on and start warming her up. She felt much better then my previous disaster of a lesson but still a bit guarded. She felt more like the horse I have been used to though...that is until after we warmed up and I started asking for harder things.
I asked the mare to sprial in on a circle tracking right and she fell in with her right shoulder and barrel so I took a half lap using leg to ask her to pick it up. Nope, she just braced on me and on the inside rein. I then added just a touch of spur and suppling and all hell broke loose.
She basically spun out away from the spur and lifted her shoulders in protest. Well ok then...I knew I had to basically work her here until we got an appropriate response which we started over but the minute I asked for the spiral in, she anticipated spur and did the same thing and I closed the outside leg to eliminate the spin and lack of forward...welp mare thought rearing and going backwards was appropriate.
But I is so cute!
I took a breath, threw out my dressage whip in case that was causing some of the melt down and decided ok lets just trot like a normal horse larger and take it slower. She was tense and balled up and really wanted to build. I chose to use sitting trot and my seat to help package and would say slow and go to reward her when she behaved. She did this well for about 3/4 of a large lap until I released my half halting seat aids on one and she literally BOLTED full speed.
**head desk** Can you say overly excited?! After a discussion at this point which resulted in back humped and jumping all four feet off the ground in response though she let out a sigh and we put in some solid work W/T/C and some practice with shoulder-in and I called it a day.
Unfortunately Sunday she got herself a day off and yesterday due to my own physical issues (shoulder pain) but I enlisted a dear friend to hop on her this morning in the hopes she wont be so crazy for our dressage lesson this evening.
This is a bit of an overdue post but if you read my last post you'll notice the theme of "lacking motivation" sort of carrying through...
This post will cover my last productive ride on my horse before her feet became too terrible and her feet too sore to expect a good effort. I did attempt a dressage lesson a few days after in the hopes that amazing footing would make it feasible but she was still quite unhappy, SO...shes been having some days off with some therapy on her feet to help her out :)
packing those feetsies
I am super happy with this new farrier and confident shell be back at it in a few days. She was already wayyyy better immediately following her trim yesterday just slightly tender on her left front which required more foot to be taken off than ideal with how shelly her foot was.
Anyway, before that started, I have been really focused on building my position over fences so its stronger and where it needs to be so Tillie can jump the best she can.
I convinced a good friend of mine to set up the infamous one stride grid for us which is not only beneficial for me, but Tillie too.
My form on the front side of the fence isnt bad!!
Grabbing mane on this one - hence the tenser shoulder
It was supremely beneficial for me and it was nice to have someone there to talk me through new ways to manipulate my body. I know I tend to grip with my thighs and I also realized I hunch terribly on the landing side:
like so
So off to work we went!! There were some break throughs, a lot of noise making on my part and Tillie was feeling quite good about herself through this whole thing.
What do you find helps you with your bad habits over fences? Do you do anything you want to fix?
I have been a bit quiet lately...partially from the insanely hot weather limiting my riding time, Tillie having some shoeing issues (Ill elaborate more later) and just generally feeling not motivated this week.
I will need to kick our butts into gear though because we have another event coming early August. After speaking with my trainers, Ill be doing a lighter "Test" run at Training level just before so that means I need to at least be spending time in the saddle pushing buttons.
Magic cushioned up for the night
The bigger issue lately has been the hard footing and the fact that Tillie's feet grew insanely fast this cycle. Only after 3 weeks, I texted my farrier asking for him to try to push up our date and come as soon as possible with how bad her feet were starting to chip from being too long. I tried to help her out and pack her feet but the non-stop stomping at flies has just compounded the issue that much faster.
Matchy matchy!
Unfortunately, my current farrier has suddenly seemed to have stopped communicating and I became so desperate I asked around and put in call to a new farrier that came highly recommended from not just one, but two of the barns I travel to with trainers. So I was super excited when she was super responsive and pretty easy to schedule to come right away.
Thankfully we did because my dressage lesson on Weds with C felt like such a disaster that I was close to tears...A) I HATE when my horse doesnt feel good...and with her left front shoe about to fall off it wasnt a huge surprise. and B) Thats ALOT of money to spend to just work through this sort of thing.
Dont get me wrong, any lesson with C is worth it, but I wish I had known just how bad Tillie was feeling and opted to ride one of hers instead.
soooo tired
I am hopeful and leaning towards just how wonky Tillie felt was due to her feet...but I of course worry the wear and tear of this sport could be catching up to her. My only reason for not going all the way there yet (dont get me wrong Ive already whined and sobbed to fellow equestrians about my fears) is that in the past when her feet have gotten in not so great shape shes been a bit funny in her movement and ALMOST presents herself as being lame or mechanical...like stabby behind and just harder to get to relax into the work.
Typically my mare really digs in and is game. But this lesson was the opposite and it wasnt fun.
I am anxious to hop on her with her freshly done feet today and have a light hack around. This week has been almost an entire week off for her which I dont think is a bad thing...so its the calm before the storm (pending how she feels) because we have some prep work to do to continue with our training.
I have a new regime planned for her twinkle toes which include packing after harder XC days/schoolings among a few other things. This time last year we struggled with some foot issues, so now I know it isnt just one off situations, but this time of year is hardest on her so will require more maintenance for me and just staying on top of her (with more frequent trims). So now I have a more responsive farrier, maybe we can stay on top of this!
Before Tillie and I had our fall last weekend, I have been thinking of asking Dom to ride her or at least hop on her to get a feel for her. I know from watching my own videos and teaching that it sometimes feels really different than it looks. I also am a big fan of my instructors or trainers getting on my horse so they know what I am dealing with...I think it gives them more insight and tools to help us.
#mareglare
I used to be much more open to handing over the reins and letting anyone get on Tillie...but lately I have been a bit more guarded of her and trying to keep my rides crystal clear for her. Obviously a professional rider I trust and like their riding style is always welcome...but I have also been protective of her because she gets a bit emotional about new riders...like profusely sweats it out so I know mentally is a bit thrown.
Ok ok Ill be nice...
But when I spoke to Dom earlier in the week about our event, he suggested he get on her to school her around and I couldnt have been more thrilled. My thought process being that would be awesome for him to ride her and feel out how confident she really is after everything, and he is the perfect rider to help her out if she was lacking some.
Look at the giant booty!
As I tacked her up, I was nervous and excited. Its always a bit unnerving when youre going to hand over the reins to someone else, but also because I was worried about how she would be with it being her first time jumping again. My gut told me she would be fine, but I of course worry and didn't want her to come out being super stressed.
Dom and I made small talk as he hopped on...believe it or not, my stirrup length didn't need to be adjusted for him at all :) I guess I never realized just how close in height we are - I am 5'3. We talked a bit more about what happened with the fall as he looked over Tillie's battle scars as he cooed to her how sorry he was that happened to her. I am so thankful for her professional choice XC boots since both her hinds took a beating, but with the strike guard protected her cannon area...
You can see her left hind boot is almost totally brown
from the brown stain of the fence we well at
He reassured me again it was just a fluke, not to overthink it and gave Tillie a pat and said to press on with our plans. We chatted a bit more about those as I put her snaffle on (yes SNAFFLE!) as he talked about bitting and he was confident Tillie could potentially come back to a snaffle for XC...he wanted to ride her in to feel how string she can be.
With that said, he trotted off to get her going and went allllll the way around and back before cantering her in a section of the field with some smaller logs and started popping her over a few things in there. I watched carefully as he jumped the jumps very close...really making her sit to jump. I noticed he was doing the same thing in her canter - really expecting her to collect and sit causing her to break a few times.
He also had her jump the larger log at an angle a few times explaining he is trying to make her think more about the jump and not get so flat on landing.
Its kind of strange watching someone ride your horse...It makes me feel a bit self conscious and odd because I am usually the one riding! Lol and because its someone else riding what you've produced. But once he did a few jumps there, he let them both catch their breath and walked over to me. He said he was VERY glad he had the opportunity to sit on her because he admitted she was certainly had a stronger feeling under saddle than how it looks. He was quite nice about it and said I have done a nice job handling it and could understand some of my own riding tendencies even more because of how she goes. So he said the goal for today, get her thinking more and sitting more.
He moved on to the ditches we have seen before:
He mixed in some canter work which shows the breaking gait I mentioned earlier from how much he was getting her to sit:
Then introduced her to the larger "coffin" complex ditch:
The entire time I could hear him talking to her which was really cool. Her ears were constantly flicking back and forth listening to him. He explained he was going to start this combo to get her thinking quicker and looking for whats next rather than focusing on the immediate jump. He said by doing this it would promote her staying uphill and prepared for the next thing coming.
So he started piecing together the coffin complex. I would have thought for sure he would school just the skinny brush alone before trying it right away, and it did seem to catch Tillie off guard. But with some encouragement and some bloopers, but more encouragement they ended up nailing it:
My first thought watching this series, was oh no...she isnt super confident and that sucks. I can count on one hand the number of times shes refused a jump, and its only ever been one other XC jump. But Dom reassured me after the fact when he let her catch her breath that it was a necessary conversation to have. He said it wasnt the jump itself she wasnt sure about, but a green horse moment of not thinking ahead or fast enough. So he said this complex was tricky and requiring her to think more...
Looking like a real xc horse now!
He said if we havent had that conversation you wont get the growth needed for these questions...meaning the next time you ride something like this and they arent sure, because of this conversation, they'll have the better answer and confidence when you close your leg to do it. He said not to worry, its part of the schooling process and its a necessary evil so to speak.
All I know is, I am glad it was Dom and not me doing it! He was really cool to watch work her through it...and not all of it is captured on video. But he would walk her to the base and give her some leg...back her up down to the ditch, walk her back to it and do this a few times until her answer to the jump was forward. I told Dom Skinnies have always been the one question shes consistently tensed to on approaches, but usually with leg will do it. He laughed and said he could feel her do that yes, but not to worry too much and the more exposure it would come...especially with this being a prelim question.
get it girl! hello prelim questions!
He was quite pleased with her and said shes super smart but also a bit of a tricky ride and "project" but he liked that about her. He said he preferred this sort of horse to the dopey ones that give you the same ride every time. He also gave me some more kudos to how well we have been going knowing this about her...he said shes brave, careful and has self preserving awareness but wont exactly do it unless you set her up and give her the right ride so part of this complex was helping work out her gaining more independence too.
At this point Dom recapped her down hill on landing issue and the want to keep her really compressed when xc schooling, similar to a show jump canter, to promote that uphill jump that we have gotten in show jumping. He said its so much harder XC when you are going faster since it opens the door for the flatter jump, but he felt her learning!
There is an uphill jump!
So next we moved on to another portion of the field with some tables and roll tops:
Then we finished up at the water where she started to run out of gas:
Dom was really excited with the ride and what he learned saying he had some great ideas for some exercises for us that would get her thinking and help her with the jump he wanted her to get. He said he thinks some of it is lack of strength so it will come with some patience.
He also said he insists on riding her a few more times sprinkled throughout the rest of the season even in some show jumping. I cant even tell you how grateful I am for the opportunities we have had this year and the ability to work with such awesome professionals. I really attribute everything this year to them.
So with a huge sigh of relief and some excitement, I am so thrilled for Tillie and more proud than words can say. Not only did she bounce back from last weekend, she totally was a rock star for Dom. It makes me really proud of the work we have put in and helps validate some of what I have been feeling under saddle. I am so excited for the rest of the season!
Yesterday I had another lesson with C. We didnt tackle any new movements, but we did push the boundaries on ones we have been working on. I have more media I am working on uploading, so will hopefully be able to add all of it, but for now only have a handful of videos.
I was a bit nervous at first because it was my first real ride back since the fall. It was also the first day Tillie did not get bute, so I was eager to see how she felt (her leg looks totally fine!). You can hear me when the lesson starts asking C how she looks to reassure she looked as good as it felt.
Some bullet points that stick out to me from the start of lesson:
Bigger trot needs to happen more...I tend to want to ride her trot a bit too slow
Leg yields need to be straight and off the outside rein half halt, not the inside rein
Dont let the reins bounce, be sure to hold them, have more weight/shorten the reins. Use the right side to soften her but then be quiet.
Dont nag her with any aids
Dont let her fall in or push into the right side when tracking right
The whip, put thumb on top and point it at her ears
BEND my elbows...shorter reins, longer arms
Next we talked a bit about the walk and leg aids...mostly keeping the leg relaxed and if you squeeze too much it changes the way my seat moves (not for the better):
Sitting trot portion and leg yielding:
Tighter stomach in sitting trot, chin up
My arms look weird lol Ill have to play with this
Be quicker in my aids in the lag yields to get away from the wall faster
Ride straight after the leg yield
Dont be afraid to make it ugly...have a conversation to be able to correct it
I am still figuring out how to use my upper leg and thigh more without contorting my body in these movements. Especially when we leg yield off the left leg to the right, she needs more right leg to keep her straighter...but boy is it hard for me.
Im sure it will come with time, and will make shoulder in and shoulder fore easier too.
We rode through 1st level test 3 but it was taken on a different phone, so Ill be sure to share it once I get it!
I cant believe how long its been since I have addressed my goals...but my last post (from MAY!!) can be found here.
I have removed my ongoing ones that will never go away like my crookedness issues and such, but adding what I am focusing on at this point. My last goal post has tons of things that should always and forever remain my "goal" but for the purpose of this post, Ill be listing what is in the forefront of my mind.
ME:
Heels down on landing from jumps - its gotten better, but still is happening
from july 2 show see those heels...and gripping of my thigh?
Softer, quiet hands all around both in dressage and jumping - Tillie doesnt need all the help anymore so I need to leave her alone when shes doing her job
Better timing of aids for newer movements (aka shoulder in)
Stop using so much inside rein!!!
Chin up when jumping (new pics show I still am looking down on some fences)
Dont be so frustrated with the growing pains
at Loch moy last weekend: See my eyes...I should be looking up at the horizon, but Im looking at the ground on the other side of the fence somewhere...
The last bulleted goal is one i havent had to list in a while...I am lucky in so many ways because its been smooth sailing. When I first started feeling the frustrations sink in during lessons I was able to walk away positive still and know it takes growing pains to grow. I know its time for them...weve been coasting here for a while and I just need to be sure they dont take away from my confidence.
Any blip, fall or negative moment has the capability of taking a piece of the good. I am trying my hardest not to allow it to and spin it in a positive light, just like the fall last weekend. I dont want to ignore them...because feelings have a way of getting way more magnified if you do, but at this point, I am feeling ok and know full well what the frustrations are meaning. In the past I think I didnt have the hope along with it.
As for Tillie:
TILLIE:
Improve right hind weakness - this is being added after the SI lesson
Watch the haunches swinging in when asking for bend
Gallop more uphill (adding this back in too but it has improved...)
It seems like not so many here...but shes been sooo on point. Most of her issues stem from me. So my goals obviously are more stacked.
I am hopeful for what the rest of the season holds...While I have some doubt again, I am not discouraged. As of now its motivating me to be better!
This post is going to recap a recent dressage lesson I had late last week before our event. Lets say it was B.F. - Before the fall.
Before I dive into that lesson, I have an update on this coming weekend's plan to go to loch moy and have dom ride Tillie. Unfortunately, the event couldnt allow it because they have a wait list so need to offer that persons entry to that fairly long list first. I am a bit disappointed, but also ok with it and glad to be having a rest...Tillie on the other hand needs to stay in work. The mare is ready to go lol. I do still have plans to go up to Dom and he will ride her at his place...so not all is lost.
screenshot from our ride
So back to my dressage lesson recap...its been a really long time since I have been able to capture footage of us in a dressage lesson. I was really excited when I managed to convince a student of mine to come and get some footage. Its been a few months since I have been able to see us or watch what we are doing...and C lessons are sooooo full of knowledge I love filming them because you end up catching way more things she said during the lesson I just didnt hear when riding.
It was kind of nice to have not seen what we look like in so long (outside of show footage)...it was definitely easy to see what has improved and what needs improvement.
Here is early trot work:
What I am seeing improvement: Me not as crooked! Yay! And Tillie being more accurate...she isnt always consistent but I do see her movement in the trot improving. We have been working more on our leg yields being straighter and its a lot tougher then it sounds, but its getting easier. I tend to want to make them too pretty, so as you can hear C say...I need to be better about having the discussion with her to be clear in what I want so we get the bigger effort and step.
Now here is where things got frustrating and hard: shoulder- in
Mostly it was an issue of me using wayyyy too much inside rein and Tillie not understanding this new movement. Weve been working on baby shoulder ins...but C wanted to up the game and get an actual true one with the correct angle. She always reassures me this is really tough because its the first movement you have to be doing different things at the same time on both sides of the horse.
So of course I had her get on and try so that way Tillie could have someone on that knows how to ask properly...C had a bit of a struggle at first but eventually got some nice ones! So she had me get back on and broke it down in the walk:
Tracking left is super hard for me and for Tillie...she is weaker right hind and I am crooked this way so tend to hang on her. But once we changed and did it tracking right I had a light bulb moment of the timing of the aids. Im sad we didnt capture more on video after this because then we started getting them really nicely both directions.
I was super frustrated, but it was a lesson that was needed! I realize after this lesson and the weekend, the more frustrated I get, the more determined I am to overcome.
I would totally expect my post today be more solemn, full of lack luster confidence and doubt...but if anything I am feeling quite the opposite. Tillie is in good spirits too and that makes me feel even better.
I spoke to Dom on the phone yesterday to walk through the show day and discuss what happened and get him to assess what his thoughts were. After answering his questions he too agreed with my other trainer and said it sounded like a bad read. He said that particular fence, even when not in a treeline has proven tricky for young horses and 9x out of 10 when its the wrong read, it would be an ugly fence but you would manage..we just happened to catch an unlucky day and have it result in a fall.
An oldie but goodie
He said we have improved so much since hes started working with us that as long as she felt normal, was jumping well prior not to stress about it. It was nice to hear that vote of confidence in us from him. We chatted a little longer and I asked to set up a lesson later in the week and maybe have him hop on her and school to make sure I am not missing anything when I am going around. I just want to be sure I am not getting in her way and doing my part and that means sometimes helping her with her greener moments. Dom agreed and we are penciled in for thursday.
jumping the bigger stuff no problem
About an hour later he called me back and said last minute he knew someone needing to pull their horse from the novice entry this weekend at loch moys second horse trial...and would I be interested in the entry. Furthermore would he like for me to ride her in it.
My first thought was holy heck yea thats way cool!! But then of course I responded and said I would love it just need to see how Tillie is feeling on her right hind that she knocked this last weekend. I said it was likely we could with her being sound and galloping around in the field, but I wanted to hop on her and see what she felt like.
Im ok mom!
So I hopped on miss Tillie yesterday for a brief ride just to see how she felt, how I felt and play around for 15 minutes.
The mare was fine...more then fine. She had such a nice spring to her trot that I am not sure I could get if I tried. I think the key being I was relaxed with her on a loose rein the entire 15 min. She went around like a hunter horse, walk trot and canter and maintained her own rhythm and balance and would even bend and work in a looser stretchy contact for me when I tested it.
I didnt want to push it and called it a day but I was really excited to feel her feeling good. I let Dom know as of now it looks good and lets go for it.
Isnt she the cutest
Whats even more exciting is the Barn manager texted me this morning saying the swelling around her cuts have gone down!! So i think the light movement helped :)
So here is to hoping this last weekend is just a blip and Tillie keeps feeling good!
Warning: this post will be very long, possibly all over the place and very winded. Its a bit of my reflection on this weekend...
As my previous post stated, Tillie and I took a fall at our event on Saturday. Since then I keep replaying that fence over and over in my brain trying to calculate what I could have done, what went wrong and mostly feel determined to conquer it more than any other emotion.
I am extremely fortunate to have the support system I have. The number of text messages, comments on my facebook page, emails etc wishing us well has warmed my heart and makes me feel way more feelings about that rather than the fall itself. I know I have support...but just how much and how many people have been following us through this year has really amazed me. Its nice to know I have people in our corner, even ones I do not know so well.
What really touched me was the support from my trainers...P texted me later that evening on her own after seeing the results that we had a fall and wanted to see if we were ok. I am tearing up writing about it because I know my trainers see and teach sooo many students. Being an instructor myself, we do get invested, but I never thought or realized how invested my own trainers are in Tillie and myself. I reached out to Dom and he immediately said he would call me this afternoon once he flew home from a clinic to chat.
My conversation with my instructor P was really encouraging and she reassured me in so many ways. She promised me Ill replay that fence thousands of times and suggested we try to get back there to school that fence after the next horse trails which unfortunately I think they will be moving it. She also was really supportive about whats next and said not to stress too much and wait and see how Tillie feels coming out of this. She said with how well shes been jumping, if shes confident like her old self, stick with the plan and do Training level at Olney with it being a inviting softer event, but if either of us feel backed off then we will bump back down and stay at Novice.
I trust P immensely so will do what she says and play the next few weeks by ear. I am eager to speak with Dom as well today and see what he says.
I am quite looking forward to the next few weeks of not showing and just digging into lessons...I am feeling really exhausted! I was shocked yesterday when sitting down and going over my schedule and I realized I havent taken a single day off in months. Between my full time job, lessons, training Tillie, schoolings I have been out the door by 6 and home usually after 8.
I certainly felt the wear last week on fourth of July...I was so sick monday and talking with a few friends about it sounded like pure heat exhaustion or just exhaustion. I really didnt dwell on it and kept pushing on but my heart wasnt super in it the rest of the week. I was kind of relieved when Dom couldnt make our lesson Thursday so we could just school around ourselves - I almost didnt at all. I am really glad I did though because it was rejuvenating and a trust building ride (read about it here).
Despite the lovely rides I have been having on Tillie, my inner neurosis started creeping back in again starting Monday and I found myself stressing about Tillie. Almost as if I was looking for things to be wrong...she has been so incredibly quiet in so many ways and a bit quirky about some other things I just always revert to, is she ok? My lesson Monday P confirmed she was in heat so that assuaged some of my worries...but after Thursdays ride in a snaffle no less I actually took her temperature when we got home to make sure something wasnt wrong. (God forbid its the obvious answer of having a horse that is more trained).
I even contemplated trying to sell my entry for the weekend telling a good friend of mine I just didnt think another show was needed for us and I was worried it was too much. Both her and my trainers said nah, shes fit, in shape just do it!!
So we prepped and the night before when I tried to braid her on my own I about had a panic attack because I couldnt for the life of my braid...I felt silly but had some friends come to the rescue. So there was no turning back and I sorta thought to myself, ok one more show before a few weeks "off" from shows so we can just chill and work on lessons and such.
In a lot of ways this show was one of our best shows. We pulled in, Tillie couldnt have been any calmer and acting like a seasoned pro...and I right there with her. Absolutely NO nerves even for our dressage. Granted it was freaking HOT. Like suppressing, humid weighing you down HOT. But Tillie gave me what I asked for and was quite willing to move off my leg, be forward, be slow be whatever I wanted her to be.
I clearly wasnt in the right head space because not only did I forget part of my test once, but TWICE and started riding parts of test A instead of test B. Despite this, Tillie felt amazing. She was on point and even with our errors we scored a 32.3.
I felt like our schooling rides and even warming up she felt sooo different. My initial reaction is always OMG something is wrong, but warming her up at Loch Moy she felt willing, easy to bend and ready to work so I talked myself down thinking maybe we just have had a nice shift in balance.
Walking the XC course, nothing scared me. I was super confident and the fence we fell at I did mentally note to come in forward and it was a bit tricky, but was confident Tillie would clear it and be fine...my motto has always been Tillie will clear it which now I am not so sure I can say anymore. I ran into trainer D walking his course and he chatted with me a while and prodded at when we finally were moving up to training and where. He thought we should look into full moon and try to sooner with how well we thought we were going (little did he know we would fail later this day).
Warming up for stadium, one again she was quiet but fell into a nice rhythm. We had a few initial fences that werent the greatest but once we got on the same page she was great AND was giving me all her leads. We marched down and I was determined to make the rollback ride nicer than I had seen all day. Despite a flier to fence #8 which you can hear my apologize to Tillie for, the course was great, forward but controlled:
Tillie woke up in the stadium round and our final circle she was flying and wasnt sure she wanted to stop. It made me feel better for XC since I was worried she would be too quiet (which seems ridiculous to even say about her).
I dont always warm up for XC but I opted to pop over a few for this event just to let her know the fences were solid but also wider. She glided over it two times no problem and got herself excited and I remember thinking there's my girl.
Tillie calmly waiting in the start box and off we went:
Watching her jump this one, I was pleased to see she did it well. Like I said, I keep going over all the details of the day worried I missed something or if she was too tired...
She woke up and cruised around the next few...even a brush fence after a down hill approach. We galloped it out a bit and the video below is either fence 4 or 5 right before our fall.
I remember landing from fence 5 and Tillie was galloping nicely...I did give her a bit of a half halt to ask her to pay attention knowing the tree line was coming.
She saw it, I felt her swap her lead in front about 5-4 strides out which shell do a alot when reading a fence. I clucked to her telling her to move up to it and she did...she took off nicely and I was already thinking about what was next... but I remember looking into the woods on take off and myself thinking it was dark and I couldnt tell where the path was.
Next thing I know, I hear a sickening thud of Tillie hitting the jump and me landing flat on my back. Is it odd to admit when I did my first thought was hey that was comfortable landing...? Next thought was, I still have my reins in my hand because Tillie came down with me, but luckily caught herself and was standing by the time I got clear focus on the situation. Then I felt surprise and disappointment...not really sure how we ended up here and then disappointed we didnt or wouldnt get to finish the course.
As I walked off the course, I felt strangely ok. Both mentally and physically. Mostly the shock of it all and not sure it fully sunk in. As I walked off I noticed Tillie had quite the cuts on her right hind hock and a nick on her left stifle...but she was definitely short on the right hind so the vet was called over. I was asked how I was and organizers were questioning my physical state of being, What I think happened so they could note it down and then my Horse's well being.
My instant response to what went wrong is Tillie just misread the fence and hung herself on it...I didnt think much more about it with being worried about her until later...but Tillie was content as a clam trying to eat grass and perking up as horses galloped by...the vet palpated her leg and was confident there wasnt a fracture especially with her bearing weight and wiling to walk up the hill and load more weight on it.
He promised to come find me with some banimine to stay ahead of the swelling, but to go cool her off in the misting tent. Tillie loved this tent, she drank to her hearts content and was a bit ticked at being cold hosed on the leg but the more we walked and got back to the trailer, the more comfortable she became on the leg.
I just felt a whole lot of something but was oddly calm. I had moments of stinging back tears when people started texting...but again I think it was mostly the wave of feeling appreciative but also disappointed and kicking myself for pushing us to do one more event before our move up. Why Couldnt I have just left us where we were?!
A nice trailer neighbor stopped over and gave me some kind words too. We had been chatting all day telling each other good luck...little did i know who he was and turned out hes a local trainer also riding the upper levels. He told me he watched our dressage and stadium rounds and thought we looked really great and kindly talked me through our fall on XC. He said not to worry too much that it was tough and closer to a training level question and if she was only 7 it was likely a green horse, wrong answer moment and that they happen. That alone made me want to cry. This sport never ceases to amaze me on how nice and supportive people are even if they dont know you!
I thanked my smart brain that I always have first aid in my trailer...even if its meager, but it did the job to clean her cuts and do a medicated wrap. I also had my ice boots so was able to fashion it to wrap her hock for a bit while waiting on the vet to arrive with banimine.
I felt a bit somber on the drive home and continued to respond to the flood of messages as I removed Tillies wrap and spoke to my own vet to make him aware. I kept waiting for the shock to wear off and the fear to take over...after all I just fell as well as my horse. Its the kind of fall that given another day could have been much worse or even a rotational. The more I though about the jump, the events leading to it I still felt like I rode it how I should have. I felt sad for Tillie knowing she tries so hard and she gave me a try even if it resulted in this...and I worried about how it will affect her.
The mare has been so on this season so far, it is really hard to even fathom this happened. Shes never so much as tapped a jump hard before this fall and we both have been going around jumping bigger things confident and cool as a cucumber. I felt terrible at knowing Tillie really couldnt read the fence and it has me worried for future events with similar situations. Tillie has always been sensitive to lighting changes...shell even flinch when riding in the indoor when passing by a ray of light. I question how to approach that to prevent it from happening...and how can I help her in these type of situations. What could I have done to help?
That jump has been on my mind constantly since...my only reprieve has been when I am teaching or keeping my mind busy, but the instant I have a moment, it sneaks in. I am being super self aware...am I nervous to jump again? Will Tillie be? What I find the most strange is I dont feel nervous at all. If anything Im dying to get back on and go jump. I want to jump all the things and help Tillie learn the right answer...haha clearly we arent going to be doing that. I am letting her rest but luckily the mare is sound. I plan to hop on her for a light hack today to see how shes feeling and will determine what we do from there.
I am eager to get back in the saddle because I know the longer you wait the more that self doubt and self confidence starts to seep out. I have been feeling pretty darn confident this year and I want to keep it that way. My hope is to be back jumping later this week and slowly reintroducing Tillie with it to see how she feels about it. My gut and how well I know her is predicting shell be just fine, until we get to another shaded question again...I know shell be more backed off with that.
With that said, I am listening to her. Ill only proceed with what she tells me shes ready for and what my trainers suggest. I am so lucky to have had such a positive season up to this point and happy so far with how things are feeling after this event...I still feel good, I still feel positive and counting my blessings on having had such growth with my horse even in this moment. It was definitely a learning moment and one that made me realize just how much eventing is all about the partnership with the horse youre riding.
I know her so well and I knew in that moment she was just as surprised as I was and since has been galloping in her field clearly not worse for wear.
So we can now say with the ups we have the downs...and we will overcome :)
Its awfully late after our event today, but I am awake and sipping on a "pick-me-up" glass of wine after an epsom salt bath and some regrouping.
A very perk Tillie despite the heat
Tillie and i had our second recognized event at novice today at Loch Moy. I have kept a bit quiet about it blogging, for fear you all will think I really nuts, but leading into this event this whole week, my head space just hasnt been there. I contemplated selling my entry, I cried over my lack of braiding skills and even was convinced my horse was lame this am before the event. All of which I had awesome friends holding my hand saying "youll be ok."
But at the end of the day while I sit here reflecting, I know I have had this bad feeling all week i just couldnt figure out why or what for.
Looking for reasons to not compete.....maybe a sign?!
I am sure by now you all can tell the lead in here...our event did not end well. Ok, not well in terms of I fell off and got eliminated, but I do still feel really positive about it and not super backed off despite this. Apparently this venue is not the best luck for us completing events...if you remember we got eliminated last year here in dressage.
Ill make sure to fill everyone in on more details later, but as of now Tillie and i are ok. Fingers crossed tomorrow is the same, but it was just a bad read on a fence and i am confident it is something that was a green horse, new question moment and we will be ok. Even with hitting the fence quite hard with her hind legs, Tillie did everything she could to remedy the situation and took great care of me. It makes me want to hug her tight and I couldnt be more grateful for how she handled the bad red....sure we fell (yes both of us), but she stayed calm, she stayed out of my way and landed and stopped right there with me.
holy bum high here!!!
So I guess you win some and lose some and today we had a learning moment. Sure it wasnt super fun, but leading up to this point it was one of our best events to date. Pending how Tillie feels, we will press on and try our best to shake it off. Ill do whatever she tells me, but it really felt like a bit of a fluke and prelim discussions with my trainers also are in agreeance so I am hopefully today was just a minor set back we will come out the other side stronger and wiser.
Regardless, I just want to be the best horse person and go by my horse.
I was supposed to have a lesson this evening with Dom, but something came up and I found myself all tacked up at the farm we were supposed to be meeting at, ready to XC school. My first instinct was well shoot, now we wont go out XC, but maybe we can hack out in the dressage arena or school just to practice that.
All dressed up and no where to go
I am glad we did because miss mare in heat was looky and felt quit similar to how she does at a show. I instantly was sad I didnt have Dom or C there to coach me through it, but I did my best and just tried myself not to get sucked into the tension. Tillie felt a bit on the slower side...which with how humid and hot it is here, I cant say I blame her.
The bugs are soooooo annoying Tillie says
Despite her initial tension, Tillie went well in the dressage arena. She gave me really accurate leg yields and our walk canter walk transitions were on point!!! I am hoping our dressage lesson with C tomorrow will prove it! She was still a bit on the "lazy" side for Tillie but when she rides like this I LOVE it because I feel comfortable adding leg and riding the forward I try to ride otherwise, but shes already forward (but not really in front of my leg).
#mareface
I was almost willing to just stay in the ring, but a few barn members I know well suggested just hacking out XC and just taking it real easy (which was fine by me since I chose to put her snaffle on not really expecting to XC school).
Look closely in the upper left and youll see a pig Tillie reallllly wasnt sure about
We started off trotting a few intro/BN jumps and Tillie was quite eager on the take off, but nice and quiet on landing. I was pleasantly surprised and really tried to reward her by being soft and letting my reins loop if she was uphill. When Tillie isnt uphill, she feels like a snowball rolling down the hill gaining speed...but she felt nice and consistent!
Trying one of the larger fences after warming up
I focused on relaxing my knee and thighs too when she gave me the nice moments and really tried not to freak out about why she was being sooo good. I fully expected the snaffle to be an issue and her require us to circle or take things reallly slow. But she just did her job and felt like a been there done that horse.
Unfortunately for me, I have PTSD remember? So my initial reaction was something was wrong and really wasnt enjoying myself as much as i should have been and was constantly trying to look or feel for something to tell me to pull her up.
When your horse takes the flier off a down bank
I felt so good I even did a few down banks!!! Even when she took the flier to the one, I felt ok and solid (even when falling a bit forward on landing). I was enjoying how soft she was so much, but scared something was wrong, I even took her temperature when we got home. It was normal...god forbid my horse is actually becoming trained like the obvious answer **roll eyes**
I know I am ridiculous...I just always worry!!
Anyway, here is the short video from a few of the jumps we did:
