In my post yesterday, I outlined my monthly goals going into March (RECAP HERE).
My biggest struggle right now is related to consistently being able to release over fences enough to allow Tillie to stretch. I have a hard time with this because her neck is fairly short, so I need short enough reins to have a good feel for her and keep her in the contact for flatting between the fences.
So lets take a look at few recent photos of us over fences to review:
Out of all the photos above, the first one is the ONLY one where my hands are not planted at her wither. I also notice in all of them, even the higher heights my hip angle doesnt really change all that much. I stay really upright in my upper body, which is always a BAD thing...but it certainly isnt allowing me to get those longer /lower arms.
P suggested to lower my hands on each side of her neck and that would help, but clearly I am stuck in this position and no fence or change of anything causes me to adjust.
I do not want to lay on my horses neck like Ive seen all too many times...but I do think I have a stiffness somewhere or this safe place of balance (not unlike Tillie when we dressage) that I havent quite been able to branch out of and trust.
So I guess I need to figure out how to do this...and how to not get too quick with my upper body on the approach but get more comfortable once we do take off and land.
So back in December, I published goals and would like to try to establish monthly goals (see the post here). With the crazy weather we have had this winter, I sort of slipped in keeping up on choosing and writing about them...but here is my best attempt to try again.
Remember when this goal? to canter a fence in stride without holding or using reins for tempo?
This was the first time being able to do that and it was HUGE!
Here is a recap of my December goals:
Learn how to ride in double reins in the pelhamCheck! In fact, I havent needed to jump in it for a while now :) Lets hope it stays that way once we go back to the outdoor ring again.
Ride at least 4x per week despite work being nutty this month - This didnt exactly happen all winter, but the weather and a frozen ring were the culprit
Improve auto/crest release - I think this is improving, but it needs to be more second nature before I consider this accomplished. Especially after our twisting and turning jump lesson when my release wasnt that great.
even here hands are still stuck right at her wither.
Get Tillie more maneuverable in canter I am considering this done after our last dressage lesson(recap here), although I dont think we are confirmed with this goal yet...we did achieve it so the goal is now to maintain it!
UPDATED MONTHLY GOALS: (Pending weather)
Ride at least 2 days on crummy weather weeks, but at least 3-4 days if it isnt bad weather
Heels down over fences, especially on landing
Improve release over fences (maybe fold more in the hip without getting too quick with my upper body?)
I am trying to limit my goals so they are more attainable...but the last one # 3 is where Id like to start a discussion, but Ill save that for my blog post tomorrow.
I guess this is sort of like a blog hop because a few bloggers have published an "I want" theme lately and reminding us that we shouldnt be saying "I should be" or comparing where we our with our horse to other people (even though its the world's easiest thing to do).
This is sort of like a more informal goal post...to say what I want to achieve without the pressure of making it a goal and without comparing to a coulda, woulda, shoulda.
Undoubtedly, this sport constantly throws us for loops and questioning our progress. Two steps forward, one step back....one step forward and five back. Their are peaks and valleys and its taken me a long time to learn to appreciate the valleys to better enjoy the peaks. Our failures or not so great times are what us able to reach the correct way to do something to reach the peak.
So I am going to list my wants...as ridiculous as some are, putting them out into the universe will hopefully help them come to fruition.
I want to be less of a worry warrior regarding Tillie's soundness and when she does injure herself (I plan to get insurance for her in the near future and hopeful this will appease some of my anxiety).
I want to feel better about my riding and Tillie's now that we reached a good constant place, be better about giving us both a pat on the back rather then worry about my position or her form
I want to be better at trusting Tillie. Shes earned it the last few months.
I want to gallop in an open field without Tillie bucking.
I want to jump down banks or jump a jump down hill and not be tense or worried about it
I want Tillie to keep liking her job and keep her happy
Last year before our first novice when I trusted her sooo much more jumping.
I want to trail ride and hack out more often and have a relaxed horse when I do
I want to cross country school and worry more about the question rather then what Tillie might do next to explode
I want to show and compete without so much anxiety and enjoy it
I want to stop worrying about where we are level wise in relation to everyone else
I want my pride in Tillie to be enough and stop worrying if anyone else thinks she awesome
Tillie knows shes awesome...no self doubt from her!
There are sooo many other I wants that I could list...but I am excited to read this list and notice many of these are in a much better place then my goals from not so long ago. Most of them are personal...things I need to work through and a lot less of them are from struggling to figure it out with Tillie.
I dont think we are struggling anymore, but rather navigating through this growth and learning as a team now. That feels really good!
and that means warmer weather and finally having a rideable ring rather than an ice rink. I was so excited to be able to take a change of clothes with me to work and go through the routine of riding and working on all that homework we have.
Tillie and Krimpet arent so sure they like this
I found myself driving to the barn feeling butterflies which I have a hard time sometimes separating if its anxiety or excitement. Excitement because I can actually ride my horse at home and not haul somewhere, but anxiety because I have only been riding her in lesson setting right now.
Its really easy to get used to that and become reliant on that instructor coaching you through everything. So I was a bit worried at trying to reproduce what we have been getting in our recent rides all on our own.
Tillie says Im Ready!
Walking down to the ring you could tell Tillie was a bit curious...like oh we havent been down here in a while, whats this thing, whats that thing. But she wasnt spooky at all and was her usual consistent self she has been as of late.
I made her stand for a while after getting on her since shes gotten a bit quick to walk away when I mount lately...Im not a huge stickler for has to stand all the time, but I also dont want mounting to turn into a game of vaulting.
Look a ring that isnt frozen!
I got on a did my usual walk on a loose rein for a while and figure out what areas were still frozen, too sloppy wet and dry enough for some of what I had planned. Tillie acted like an old seasoned pro and just went along wherever I wanted.
I picked her up to work and she was a bit reluctant and did some rooting and lost some tempo in the walk so I heard the voice in my head that said walk and get a soft rhythmic walk before trotting. It didnt take all that long and I did push into a trot. I noticed right away that Tillie was much less stuck like she has been when first trotting lately and more willing to go forward without the head tossing. In fact she didnt at all until after two or three circles I picked up contact and started asking with inside leg for bend.
Happy to be back in work!
I tried to emulate what we worked on the day before in our dressage lesson and found either she was much easier to get the exaggerated bend OR I was settling with what she was giving without C there to push for more. Either way, it felt great to me and I did a bit of testing of the bend and connection with some changing rein/serpentines and counter bending.
I continued warm up with the spiral in and leg yield out exercise C had us do before walking to give her a break. I made sure to not let her head dive or root before allowing her full freedom to stretch.
After a quick rest I picked her back with not as much apprehension from Tillie and did a few walk trot walk transitions to make sure she understood and asked for a bit bigger trot. I tried to focus on widening my hands, thumbs up and keeping that bend. I really didnt notice any head wagging so hoping it helped!
I decided to go ahead and canter before sitting trot to really make sure she was warmed up through her back...and she gave me a nice transition both ways. I worked on getting her soft in the canter with the idea of bending her more around my inside leg like C had us doing at the trot...I did the same circle exercise in canter which really produced a nice easier to ride stride.
Kisses with herd mates
I couldnt do too much more in the canter since our ring is still partially frozen limiting to me about half the ring, so I decided to leave that where it was and tell Tillie what a good girl she was and ask for some stretchy trot both ways. I tried to make sure I was sitting tall and not trying to stretch for her by leaning which would only put her on the forehand.
She still doenst quite give me as much as I want, but by a few circles into it she was starting to follow the contact without being so rude about it.
To end, we did work on lengthenings again and it was by far the highlight of our ride. I was expecting a similar response to our lesson the day before with a few blips and general going forwad but not letting go...the first two were very much in line with that. But after that we had a few REALLY impressive ones (at least they felt that way) where I felt a lifting feeling and it was a fine line teetering between breaking into canter or not pushing enough.
Tillie was so into it and so responsive and willing to come back to a more modest trot I was so impressed. We called it a night after that :)
Heres to hoping we are on the way to spring sooner than later!!!
Continuing on my recap from the weekend...it also includes my Sunday dressage lesson. I dont normally do lessons on Sundays other then teaching my own lessons, but with it being overcast and a bit drizzly I jumped at the shot to slip in an opening that C had right after Emma had her lesson.
So we hitched a ride with Emma and I am thankful she got Tillie loaded up for me while I finished up with my last few lessons. After a bit of rushing around, it turned out C was running really late so I made it long before Emma got on and was able to watch hers! She'll be recapping her own lesson on her blog I am sure soon - here.
An indication of how our lesson went...a tired and itchy Tillie
I mentioned in my Part 1 recap from Saturday's lesson that lately I have felt Tillie falling back into the old habit of wanting to put herself in a safe zone and not being all that agreeable when I ask to change that. She'll happily go around straight, bent to the inside, high or low but once I put her there, that is where she wants to stay. She is quite smart and only recently did I figure out this is what she was doing rather then just being stiff or harder one way vs another etc.
C pointed this out right away and said that while its a much better place shes putting herself in, we still need to be able to adjust her more readily and have more give at any time. So we went right to work and I can summarize all I can hear in my brain after the warm up:
Push her around the inside leg even more - SO much freakin inside leg
Watch out for a stiff right hand, but open and close to have more bend in both elbows especially the left (nice to know I have issues on both sides)
My left shoulder creeps forward making me crooked/twisted in my torso
Dont be afraid to take the rain until she softens BUT I must soften and follow her back
Tillie had a few moments of "No I dont think so" before she settled into a nice rhythm and really started to dig into work. She was so into it, her vibe was contagious and I felt a bit like the little engine that could as if she were thinking "I think I can" over and over.
C had us going on a 20 M circle spiraling into a smaller circle focusing on really getting her to give and wrap around my inside leg before using a fairly quick leg yield to push her out without losing the shoulders. Here is where we talked about leg use and keeping it longer when applying it since I have the old habit of lifting my heel and my leg then shrinks about 6". Ok maybe not THAT short, but its a bad habit among many others I need to break.
Here is a video of warm up...notice Tillie really starting to dig it by the end of the clip:
After the warm up we continued trotting but started asking for leg yields, but really quick lateral ones to promote getting her out of her comfort zone. Tillie was all business.
It felt really good and still amazes me how well she is progressing despite not riding at all during the week with our ring still frozen. After a bit of a break which had a lot less rude pulling and rooting then usual, C had me start back up said, "ok, now sit your trot"
Lol I made a face apparently because she laughed and said everyone makes that face!
Being fairly new to sitting a trot where my horse is actually going...it is not the most pleasant thing in the world. Ill admit, I feel as though I am riding it ok, until I watch the videos. The amount of discomfort that I am emulating is so apparent I was uncomfortable just watching it:
At this point, Emma started filming since my phone died. C prompted for me to canter (I love how we will be going along and rides as you go and gives us commands a few strides before she wants it). Sadly we missed capturing on video the first and most wonderful right lead canter transition. It took both Tillie and myself by surprise that C even laughed and said it was all over my face.
C had us move onto leg yielding in canter to get her more mobile and rideable in canter. At this point its been all about the basics of balancing her and keep her from diving on the forehand...so it felt really good to receive a command that required taking our canter to the next step - which as you can tell in this clip Tillie wasnt quite prepared for:
What I have loved about the sitting trot despite how uncomfortable it is, is how much it has helped me get a better feel in the canter. I can only describe it as me feeling more balanced and stuck in the saddle which allows me to use my seat to better help Tillie. The leg yields in the canter were quite fun! Tillie gained a bit of speed through them, but it didnt feel too bad with how soft she was.
So we moved on the left lead canter which is our harder and weaker lead. C guided me on how to use a better timed half halt to get her more balanced and using herself better without me grabbing and bracing on her.
It produced quite a nice canter and we were able to do some of the maneuvering from this lead as well. At the end C had us try some lengethings in the trot across our diagonals to promote testing the boundaries of balance which Tillie tends to err on the side of caution. You can see in the clips she gets a bit unsettled and really doesnt let go of her shoulder just yet in them...but C reassured me it would take some time for her to trust herself to just ride very straight, weight even and both elbows stay at my body.
The lots of homework part includes:
Taking Tillie big around the entire ring to test try to get her trusting lengthenings more
Sitting trot there is no head wag which means rising trot happens from tension on my arms
Bring my left shoulder back/straighter
MORE inside leg and MORE bend to get her out of the safety zone
Sitting trot practice rocking back more and letting my "crotch bounce"
Stretchy trot (which we did a few circles of here)
Poor Tillie was so tired after trying so hard she was ready to go to sleep:
So here is part two from my Saturday lesson (see part 1 here) - This is the overcoming obstacles and self doubt part. As I said in my last post, I wasnt super excited with my lesson...it wasnt bad, but I didnt feel like we knocked it out of the park either. I know I know...less than stellar rides happen but I am sure you can all tell I am bit of a crazy lady and have a hard time feeling good even when I should about a ride.
Before I continue, I am sharing some stills from the lesson that made me, in retrospect, feel a lot better about our ride:
Tillie and I getting it!
------------------------------ Part 2 ----------------------------- So at the end of the lesson, just like P always does, she asked if anyone else wanted to do or try anything else. I usually dont say anything...but I reallllly did want to try the barrels after I saw Emma post about her lesson that she went to on a weekday (I had this pesky thing called work so sadly couldnt go). So in true, FOMO I was dying to try...but wasnt going to speak up until, like a true friend, my barnmate did since she know how badly I wanted to try.
warming up before the lesson
P is so sweet and let our lesson run over and started to set up the barrels. For me, doing these barrels symbolizes overcoming a major obstacle and fear...I wanted to do it because neither Tillie or I have done these so knew it would be a test of our relationship and groundwork from the last few months.
Shockingly, as she was setting up, I thought I would be more nervous...the only tiny bit was evident when I asked P to set us up one small barrel on its side to start with just to familiarize Tillie with it.
Tillie Didnt care!
So after we cantered the small barrel P shouted, ok keep coming!!! Which in hindsight was a good thing since it sort of gave us a rhythm to start with.
Approaching the barrels, my thought wasnt, oh god thats big...it was more or less, thats skinny and interesting looking. I know If I find it odd to look at, so will Tillie so I just breathed it out sat back and allowed her to look at it on the approach:
So we kinda missed it at first...but I LOVE this mare for being so game. She never offered to stop or change her pace. She kept going forward, just got a bit wiggly. So new goal: start jumping low skinnies to teach her to look for the jump rather then look for the other side.
So we land (Tillie seemed not to be too rattled) and around we come for the 2nd try...This Time I was was more prepared and closed both legs around her. She faltered a little again and jumped them a little off to the left this time:
Talk about being brave and getting it done...
Ok so we know we need to try again and hope we get it just right in the middle this time and finally things clicked into place:
Just in case you missed it i have TWO angles of it:
P wanted us to try again...so we did. It didnt end on quite as awesome since we couldnt seem to find the right distance the last two attempts, but I definitely seem to have mastered the eventing equitation of stay in the back seat and let the reins slip:
Tillie was very proud of herself and celebrated around the turn...but it was reasonable and a perfectly acceptable one! HUGE progress for Tillie...especially since landing from a gappy distance like this in the past would send her on a full rampage.
Pats for Tillie!!
A few things came to light through doing this:
My horse is awesomely game and brave
We need to work on teaching her to look for the fence itself rather then the other side
I need to not get ahead with my shoulders - which is the reason for the gappy distances
I need to work on folding and being softer in my hip (being defensive is all great, but sitting that upright just looks ridiculous)
Tillie REALLY likes her job
Ears back ready for more!
The majestic tail flip
See - upright position, but hey Tillie is stretching!
not enough release here, stiff upper body and not folding enough for the height.
just another angle
So all in all I was really excited with giving this a shot. It really showed how Tillie and I have gotten to know each other and faced this obstacle together...this really helped my self doubt in our abilities and talent. While I am sure Ill still doubt, for now I am just happy with how willing she is to try for me!
Well as I let on in my previous post, my Saturday jump lesson with P was definitely one to remember. I am splitting it into two parts since the actual lesson was very different from the overcoming obstacles and self doubt part.
------------------------------ Part 1 -----------------------------
The east coast finally had a nice thaw this weekend with Saturday being so warm I was able to wear short sleeves!!! It was so nice out in fact that it got me to rally despite my severe sore throat, no voice and ear infection to go make my lesson. I am glad I did because the more I moved and longer my antibiotics were in my system, the better I felt.
WARM UP:
Warming up before P arrived Tillie felt happy and ready to work. She has a new "sass" habit that is much milder then her blow ups before warming up that usually entail a few whip nae naes of her head when first asking to trot or first really using any leg. Its her way of saying...yeaaaaa no I am not really wanting to do that. She also tends to do this sometimes when we first canter OR when we do a jump really well and shes happy. So its universal way of Tillie saying, I am Queen Bee and I am in charge.
Queen Bee herself looking a little bit more like a giraffe then a Queen
I am not worried about it at all and happy that this is what I ride through now over bucking and dolphining without steering.
I cantered her both leads and really tried to work on getting some softness and a true bend through her body since I feel like shes happy to stay where ever she puts herself, but as soon as I ask for something else she gives me the whip nae naes like our first canter warm up:
Her left lead canter warm up is below and she really started understanding and letting me manipulate her a bit more:
Once P arrived, we all filed in nose to tail and did some trot over ground poles to establish a rhythm. I am noticing that seems to be a trend the last few lessons. NOTE: Tillie's tail wag in her trot in this video really makes me smile:
As you can see in the warm up video, P had quite an interesting set of jumps for us. What is really neat about the exercise is there were lots of turns making establishing a good rhythm both needed and really hard (since riding forward through turns is something I never could do before with my hot horse) BUT a lot of lead changes throughout. It required me as a rider to really plan ahead and set up Tillie to bend and use my weight and seat cues to tell her to land on the lead in the direction we would be going. Easier said then done...so after some confusion about the order of jumps we all had a turn:
So we didnt quite get the leads at first...but I really didnt catch on this was the point until after watching everyone else go after my turn (I am a visual learner, what can I say?). So the next round I decided to commit to cantering the entire thing...we almost got all the leads!!!
I would have liked the simple change to come a bit faster and cleaner, but she was a unbalanced through the turn so it took a bit of convincing her to stop bracing to get it. Other than that this was one of better more steady, even rounds. I just love her tail flip over the oxer:
P made it a bit harder and added a new pattern with bending lines...Tillie and chipped into the first fence but recovered nicely. We also came in slightly tight to the over, but I LOVED how well she sat to jump it rather then curl under herself like she normally does. Because of this we didnt get the lead, but it didnt throw off the tempo at all. We continued and didnt get the lead again which I think was my fault not shifting my weight in time after the tight turn. After the entire thing, I really was surprised at how nice her trot was...the quality of it as well as the relaxation:
There were ALOT of us in this lesson so we didnt get to have many chances at it, but I liked that...it simulated the standing around at a show and having to wake Tillie up and say pay attention! In the past we have had issues getting our ryhthm early enough in a course.
Ill admit, I wasnt feeling totally great about this lesson until re-watching the footage. P had said after the first round to really sink my weight down in my heels more - which I think she meant it as how to shift or change balance better to get the change, but during the lesson it sounded in my brain like an up-down remark you hear all instructors say : "heels down, sit tall"...lol. Also, P said Tillie was a bit curled and not stretching like she wants and attributed it mostly to the tight turns but softly reminded me to think about that...I guess we need to start working on longer reins and achieve this same control.
us looking more dressage here than when we ride in dressage lessons
I got home passed out and this morning watched the videos and was pleasantly surprised to see how polished we looked despite our mistakes.
So, Part 2 to come tomorrow!! Heres to hoping my ear infection will be cleared up before then since it quite literally hurts :(
My mother used to say the saying over and over again, "if you don't succeed, try, try again." Sometimes in a really annoying sing song voice to try to be cheerful when I was down and out about my latest failure. I never appreciated it as much as a kid, but looking back that very support and blind activism to keep trying has made me the glutton for punishment I am today.
No professionals to be found here
Competing and getting noticed in this wonderful sport of horseback riding is not easy. Its flooded with other go getters just like me with the never-give-up attitude. For someone like me who started extremely late and didnt attend my first show until an adult, well you could say I have a lot of catching up to do.
Oh sooo much catching up to do
Its so easy to fall into the trap of never feeling good enough and always doubting my abilities...after all when good riders rider they make it look so easy and effortless. Us fellow riders know that its not, and it isnt for them either...we just get to see the outcome of countless hours in the saddle ironing out all those kinks everyday - some even with it being their full time jobs.
I am just an ordinary person, with an ordinary job, an ordinary social media following (probably with friends and family members tired of the posts gushing about my horse) and a blog to record the progress I make with my horse.
Oh so ordinary complete with trials and tribulations
I fall off, I get back on and I write about it...usually just long winded journals for myself to reflect. I wont deny that I have dreams to be a professional rider, but I am realistic to admit I am not there. I am very much ordinary and its taken me a long time to say that is ok.
It is ok to try and fail. For a long time after getting Tillie, my first off the track green bean horse, I expected myself to always be perfect so I wouldnt ruin her. I started being a working student in addition to my full time job and teaching lessons on the weekend (holy cow that is a lot!) to make sure I was doing it right.
Right or not, it was not all roses and I felt like more often then not I was doubting whether or not this was the right choice for my start in eventing. The advice I have heard after already getting my cheap OTTB was to lease a packer...well gee I did this all backwards...I should have been a working student before getting a new horse and learned on something seasoned for a few years.
Rolex 2015...doubt Ill ever get here but Ill keep dreaming
So the point of this blog is to just throw out there that its ok to fail because it stands for = first attempt at learning. It may take a few tries, but when you finally get that right answer, the good ride or that harmonious moment when it all comes together, it really does make up for the losses. I have finally come to a point where I no longer doubt if Tillie is not the right horse for me. She pushed me past my comfort zone, and still does. She's made me stronger and, under the helpful eyes of many many trainers and instructors (Ill refrain from listing them at risk of embarrassing them from my riding), we have finally seemed to reach a place where we are working together. I am so excited for this year...I know we will have ups and downs, but Im going to keep trying!
When you try and dont succeed, you try try again. Try enough times, you may just get it right!
I know I sound like a broken record regarding all this crummy weather and it feeling like I live in the arctic...but seriously I totally get why eventers make the great migration every year down south. It is just impossible to ride unless you have an indoor, which I do not. So that means trailering out to ride which is pretty hard when you work full time during the week.
So when I get down and cant ride....or use a dressage lesson to cheer me up, I buy things.
Yes I know...I need to cool it especially since I am budgeting to buy a new trailer. BUT show season is right around the corner. Its never too early to consider adding things to my shopping cart that will make show days easier when they are on sale right?
My latest purchase:
Dover - reflective garment bag. No more carting around my show clothes in a trash bag as a cover or throwing them in a duffel bag getting wrinkled.
Show day grooming box: I like that it has a shallow tray and fully closes to use to store my stud kit and sit on when applying studs.
And finally the product I am really excited to try:
Level PH: to help with all the hauling we do and start preventative ulcer care. It also has electrolytes. I have heard not all horses will eat it, so curious if Tillie will...but when I was a working student, I saw an avid polo player use this on their horses and they all ate it and did well on it. Dover recently had it on sale REALLLY cheap so I was able to get 3 months supply for $74
What are some items you cant live without when you show?
