The day to day rides

After Saturday's amazing lesson, I found myself in a whirlwind of lessons to teach Sunday (12 hour day) and a lot of work to catch up on Monday so was unable to make it out to ride. Part of me was ok with that because whenever there is such an amazing ride like that, its really hard for the following ride to live up to it.

Look mom I can stretch! 

So I took Sunday and Monday to reflect and bask in the glory a little more while setting some realistic expectations for the next ride. I was even contemplating one more day but then realized I need to put on my big girl pants and just go ride...I always get upset we arent progressing, well we certainly won't if I dont actually ride my horse.

Isnt she just the cutest

I am certainly glad I did too because for the second time in a row, Tillie came galloping up the hill when I called for her! I have no idea if she really is coming to me or if she thinks I have food...but either way when she did it Saturday and yesterday it really just made my heart warm up.

Hi Mom!!!!

Unfortunately, I do not have videos of our ride or any footage so Ill have to recap as best I can in words. Overall the ride was an uncomplicated one again (yay!) I believe if I had instruction like Saturday it would have been another amazing ride, but leave me to my own devices and those bad habits start creeping in again (Rogue right hand, pinching at the knee, letting Tillie get too flat).

She was happy as a clam though to work and we did a quiet warm up w/t/c where all I expected were basics: Rhythm and Relaxation.

I could hear my trainer D in my head saying her trot was too flat and to add energy without changing the tempo...but I chose first to focus on the relaxation bit and be ok with the slightly flat trot if she was willing to stay relaxed. It was dinner time and another lesson going on in the ring so full expecting an unfocused and tense horse.

I used a lot of changing rein to keep the warm up interesting and test how connected Tillie could stay through the change since she tends to lose the rhythm and connection when we do. Nope! Mare was perfect!

This little bit longer/lower frame was my goal for the ride

Once I felt that was well established after a few minor reminders to pay attention (she wanted to look around a lot at the walk and trot transitions initially were full on giraffe mode) I decided to attempt to wake up the trot and canter without losing the relaxation or rhythm. So much easier said then done and I tend to either get not enough of a reaction or too much and we shoot forward.

While I feel like the difference wasnt HUGE, I do think there were some moments she was getting it and a few really strong moments of seeking contact with an actual stretch down! WOO!! She could only do it for a few strides before shed come back up but that is a much bigger response then I had two rides ago...even if her hind end wasnt as energetic as D would like to see. (*Note: this was not rooting either which is what she will do when her hind end is not energetic enough...this was honest contact down and stretching).

Will stretch for food.

Her canter -trot transitions were much nicer and she was willing to move forward into the trot rather then get coiled into the itty bitty canter and come down into this trot where her back is inverted but shes "in a frame" faking you out. We even got some really nice bend in the canter which has been a bit of a struggle.

I worked on letting her canter go and get bigger and then bringing her back to a slower canter without hand and she responded beautifully. Let me tell you what, I need some conditioning in 2-point position because I was out of breath after only a few minutes...I was also reallly trying not to grip with my knees since I tend to do that apparently:

This image shows perfectly how I am not actually wrapping my leg around Tillie when in a half seat or 2-point.

So sufficiently out of breath I was ready to call it a ride. But with some peer pressure from a fellow barn mate and because they were excited about hearing of our lesson Saturday, I decided to pop her over a few jumps just to see what I had and as a bit of reward for being so lovely flatting again.

We started off just cantering a small off a circle X to establish a rhythm and Tillie did that swimmingly. I then rode the same X to a rising oxer that was already set (about 2'7) and the first time through got an odd striding...about 4 1/2 to 5 but the last stride was really tight and she brought the front rail down. Not to say she never knocks rails, but it isnt often she does so just figured it was a distance thing and lets try again.

So ok, we need to either collect the canter a bit more or push for the four but, jumping Tillie, I prefer to do the add when first starting out to establish that adding is preferred with her tendency to get the gappy distances.

We circled and got our canter and came through again and it still rode really odd, but she cleared it. OK...one more time for good measure and to try to smooth out the edges. Nope, last time through was just as awkward and she brought down the last rail.

So in my head I decided lets try the other outside line and see if its us or the distancing of that particular line. The other outside line were two verticals, one with a coop as filler. First time through we got a nice even stride though Tillie drifted a bit left and was slightly wiggly to the coop. In all honesty it felt like she had lost a bit of confidence in the striding I am assuming from the first line because when I came back to do the line with the coop again she was much straighter and clicked into gear. I know I wasnt releasing just as much as my P lesson...but I tried to as best I could when I was thinking about it.

All in all she maintained a nice rhythm and I was pleased that, once again, she was uncomplicated.

I asked the friend that was teaching her lesson to quickly walk the distance of the awkward line because I was so curious. Sure enough it wasnt quite set up right and walked in an odd number of strides.

So lesson learned...if I am going to jump my horse I need to check distances or set them up myself.

The moments that make all the struggles worth it

Unfortunately for Emma still being broken, I got to join in again on another P lesson this last Saturday. Prepare to be bombarded with pictures, Gifs and videos because it was one of the best rides I have ever had in my life. It was exactly what I needed. 

It is not nearly often enough you see me smile while I am riding,
but rounding the turn to the final jump I was grinning from ear to ear like a big kid. 

Right off the bat, Tillie was a bit more settled arriving this time. I really wanted to not deal with any of her "Up-ness" so was contemplating hand walking her up to the ring rather then ride the short hack to get there. Emma softly pushed me and said no, you need to ride and use the chance to keep working this out since its similar to how she gets at shows. 

Well ok then! And while she was still a bit jiggy and looking around...she was better then the first time so thats something!

Warming up, Tillie was a super star. She was light, responsive and just all around uncomplicated. So we went right into the lesson with a simple grid. I asked P if I needed to stop her at the end like last lesson and she simply said, well lets see how she is today:

One of our first times through really focusing on releasing.

 Freakishly quiet. Thats how she was...I breathed out and thought ok. That was nice but still prepared for her to build the longer we did this.

P adjusted the second jump to be an oxer and off we went through it again.

Tillie ate it up and was cool as a cucumber so P then put up the third and final fence:

At this point I am rolling with it and sloooowly start trusting her by letting my reins go slightly longer and on landing using next to no hand to circle and downward transition. My inner kid was singing and shouting to the rooftops how awesome this was. 

P raised the jumps one more time for our final time through notice my hands?!

BTW - Thanks to Emma for all the footage and driving me to this lesson :)

So moving on from the line, she had us trot an oxer by itself to test the rhythm and eventually turn it into the second jump of a line. I instantly go oh crap, this will result in excitement for sure....

UMMM my horse was like PSHHHH I got this while I'm over here like "equitation is for the birds"

Holy moly swinging leg batman! But isnt Tillie just the cutest!?

The canter approach still shot is much better!

My favorite still over this fence (during the course) since my equitation is decent and Tillies form is just adorable.

So P had us land from this and keep cantering to try again in canter since she stayed calm and in rhythm at the trot. 

Again, Tillie just blew it out of the water and knew her job. I was starting to get slightly freaked out. 

Next up, P made this into a 4 stride line. Our first time through we came in a bit tight and got 5 instead...

P was so wonderfully supportive of it because we added. For Tillie to have made that decision is HUGE since she tends to want to get flat and take the gappy distance. But, we needed to get more even striding through the line so around we came to try again.

We got the 4! I forgot to release a little bit more this time and P reminded me that its really needed for me to do this because Tillie likes to jump very tucked in up front rather then stretching over her back probably from how much I have held her. 

I love that P reassured me that its understandable as to why with her previous antics, but that maybe those were partially created from her mentally feeling a bit claustrophobic. 

In any case, my releasing more and allowing her to stretch HAS seemed to have been doing something wonderful for Tillie because we then put a course together that was quite intricate:

 

I know I take myself and riding way too seriously, but this ride I seriously had fun. Its extremely rare to see me smile under saddle, let alone do it in the middle of actual work but I was so over the moon excited! 

Just cause this one is cool - and I am releasing! 

I had a quiet but eager, willing and adjustable horse! It felt like all the tears, lack of confidence and hard work built up to this ride. Emma kept trying to tell me this is Tillie's new normal so I wouldnt be soooo freaked out. No I did not go home and take her temperature, though I did think about it...I decided I needed to bask in this one a little bit and just LOVE it. After all, this is what its supposed to be about...the trick is to have this same feeling even when it isnt so perfect. 

Look I can have a droopy rein!!! Notice Brita (a guest blogger of Emma) in the pink!? 

Id rather have the food version of a pinwheel please

I had a lesson friday evening with D where we jumped a sorta kinda pinwheel exercise. The lesson in the moment, did not feel as great...but once reflecting on the lesson I can admit there was a lot of learning going on. Tillie's flat work was pretty good and D had us pick up where Miseventer and Tillie left off...with trying to get her to stretch.

Just after our lesson, looking as cute as ever.

I had been working on it since talking to Miseventer and posted about it here: http://somethingtotalkabouteventing.blogspot.com/2015/11/just-do-it-and-questions-about.html

We instantly got good feedback from D on how much more relaxed she looked and that she did appear to slightly be letting go in her balance and trusting herself. Except, I have fallen into a trap of letting Tillie get lazy and behind my leg and mistaking it for quiet and relaxed during this exercise. Also she tends to start poking her nose out like a hunter when I am trying to get her stretch and not really staying connected like D wanted to see...

A little too relaxed

 D kept saying to Jazz her up and activate her hind end without her getting quick...sounds so simple right?! I can understand this concept so well, but I put my leg on to activate the hind end and we end up going too fast. **Sigh** I guess it will come with time.

So we moved on to getting her filling up each rein evenly with lots of changing rein and then some canter work getting her bending a bit more with shoulder fore. Then the jumping started and we warmed up over an X on a 20m circle as usual...and believe it or not mare needed a CROP!!!

Yes fellow bloggers, my red head dragon of a mare needed a crop.

Just kidding...but seriously.

He had us focusing on maintaining a rhythm, using the circle as a natural half halt so we could rely more on the outside leg and less hand throughout the process. We eventually built to the below...Jump 1 a vertical, 2 one half of a cross rail so we could jump the lower side off the circle and jump three a square oxer.

While the jumps weren't super high, the exercise itself offered plenty of challenges. AKA landing on the correct lead, staying in rhythm and NOT over half halting. D wanted us getting an even 4 in each quadrant and staying wide in the turns. Tillie would really drift towards the barn going too wide one quadrant and cutting the turn through the other.

After much more outside leg (to which I have skin rubbed off just above my calf...time for new half chaps maybe?) we finally got into a groove and D had us going through it again and again without stopping until we were both not so "OMG JUMPS COMING FAST!"

All in all, we started out a pit out of sync jumping...but by the end felt like we had a bit more of an agreement through the exercise. I would love to try this again even if its just placing poles!

Just do it (and questions about stretching)

I have found that whenever I go a certain period without riding, I actually require a lot of motivation to get back on and get back to work. I come up with every excuse in the book to prolong the inevitable. 

When I think about it, its so strange I do this because I miss it incredibly when I can't ride. So why all the angst? Finally it hit me...I am an amateur holding my riding with such high expectations and ambitions to that of a professional. This means I am constantly letting myself down. So I prolong getting back on the horse and experiencing the let down of what happens when your horse hasn't been in work so they forget the last 5 things you worked on. 

Luckily for me, I have the best barn friend, Merideth, who not only rode Tillie for me while I was away, but also to kick me in the butt and remind me of what a great horse I have and just do it. 

Eager and ready to work as always.

So I turned on my favorite Pandora station and turned off my anxieties and then I got on my horse for the first time in over a week. It was a bit eerie because no one was around with it being close to 8pm, but I breathed out a huge sigh of relief as we walked around on a loose rein for a few laps. 

I decided to approach the ride with a KISS mentality of just keeping things simple to prevent me having that "let down" feeling. I also decided to worship the fact I had a quiet and willing horse that wasn't so anxious or protesting any little cue from me like I have had in the past. There was a time not so long ago that walking around on a loose rein would not have boded well for my well being. 

So happy to see my girl after being away.

The next thought I had after starting to put her together was just how grateful I am to Merideth because I had a horse that felt like butter in all three gaits. She knew we were working and, like an old pro, quietly and willingly answered all my questions with crystal clear, definitive responses. Even if they were not exactly correct, she was doing them willingly and genuinely trying. 

I decided within 10 minutes of riding Tillie that I need to somehow convince Meri to school Tillie more for a few reasons:

1. Merideth doesnt have the same baggage I do when it comes to Tillie so she has a fresh perspective on what Tillie feels like. There is no "Normal" or what Tillie usually does, but rather this is how it needs to feel in the universal sense. 
2. Merideth doesnt coddle Tillie like I do and gets after her when she starts to evade, therefore problems get nipped right away before they become problems.
3. Having another rider other then me makes Tillie more educated and versatile so she is more accepting of the aids. 

These late night rides are exhausting

Her canter transitions were on point...relaxed into it, yet sitting and really pushing into the canter without all the extraneous "weeee we go fast now". We did a bit of schooling of the canter to trot transitions as she wanted to fall behind my leg and tense into it (it felt like she would coil and do a itty bitty canter before breaking into an unbalanced trot) rather then seek the contact and step into it.

After one time establishing this isnt how its done, she was much better keeping her spine more relaxed...relaxed for Tillie anyway. 

 I did ride with my reins incorrectly how my last trainer suggested and I must admit, it was kinda nice. I couldn't hang on Tillie even if I wanted to. Holding them that way made me use my reins when needed and leave them alone when not as well as carry my hands. 

I also pulled my stirrups for the last 20 minutes in the name of No Stirrup November and tried to use this opportunity to get Tillie to stretch more into contact and take a longer, lower frame (this is something Merideth started working on in her lesson with her and apparently Tillie was quite rude about jerking down). 

I know she can stretch!! Now how to do it under saddle?!

Trying the new:

Tillie quite happily trotted along not really doing much...so basically did NOT understand what I wanted at all without giving me any answers really at all. Hey at least we had a rhythm down right? So as my legs are screaming at me I keep trying to apply my leg and take it off so I dont nag with it on constantly. I think she thought I just wanted to stay "Here" and that was that.

So I tried getting different answers from her by asking for smaller steps without losing the energy, then, when that didnt work, bigger steps without speeding up. I tried staying on a 20m circle then spiraling larger and smaller to see if she had a preference...Nope. Nothing. 

Tillie's version of long and low has only happened while galloping at warp speed.

I could tell she was getting a bit confused so did some lateral movements shes really good at to build her confidence again and then tried again. 

Damn mare holds her neck righhhht where it meets the withers and just wont stretch at the trot. At the walk, got it. Ask for it at the trot and its like she doesnt trust her own balance. I mmmayyybe started getting a litttttle longer by the end but it was only a few steps here or there and more so tracking right then left. 

This picture is extremely dark, BUT it is one of her from the first few months I had her where she is
 stretching and showing she is capable of seeking contact. 

She just doesnt follow the contact like she should. Eventually as I slowly slip the rein, she will but at a certain point there is nothing and she eventually seems to either get bored or just isnt sure and she comes above the contact again. 

I stayed patient and changed my approach to just asking for any iota of a response, right or wrong, rather then her going around doing nothing. Eventually I did get small responses so I guess that is good right? **sigh** Something I'll need to ask about in a follow up lesson later this week. I also am toying with setting up my mullen bridle again and riding her in that for this purpose to get her seeking the contact again - the trick being not letting her lean or fall on the forehand. 

25 Questions - TRM Blog Hop

TRM Blog Hop: 25 Questions

Since I havent ridden since returning, I am happy to have some content!! So thank you for the 25 Questions Blog Hop!

1. Mares or Geldings? Why? I always thought I was a gelding person when I got my first horse Mac. When I had to retire him and horse hunt, I was adamant I wanted a gelding BUT was also open to mares if they had a good brain. Well a gelding was not in the cards for me and Tillie landed on my lap...Now I am quite smitten with how smart and quick she is. 

Mac took great care of me for both of our 2nd time trying cross country schooling. 

Tillie just after arriving...she was so much calmer when she was 4yrs old.

2. Green-broke or fully broke? Tillie was and still kinda is green-broke. If I could afford a fully broke horse to take me up the levels to learn I totally would have done that first. There is something really cool about learning together though when things finally click. You can say we did that together! 

3. Would you own a "hotter" breed (ie. Arabian, Trakhener, etc)? YES!!! Miss Tillie is pretty darn hot. ;) pun intended. 

Tillie says "lets go fast and jump all the things"

4. What was your "dream horse" growing up? A black gelding that could gallop and jump the moon. Like Cobalt in the saddle club. 

5. What kind of bit(s) do you use and why? I have used sooo many, but currently ride in a HS shaped snaffle and for jumping, a slow twist. Both are mild, and what my horse is happiest in. Prior to that I used mullens which I love because its the softest thing you can use!

Throw back to when we competed in a rubber mullen for all 3 phases. If only we could get back to that....

6. Helmets or no helmets? Helmets. #mindyourmelon

7. Favorite horse color? Hmmm...it tends to evolve and I really try to look at the horse itself rather then color.  If I had to pick probably a really dark bay that is almost black.

8. Least favorite horse color? Definitely lighter grays or white horses with pink...I love dark gray (but they eventually lighten as they age which is so sad) and white horses with dark noses better. Lol yes I am that specific.

See I had a gray at one point...cute despite this interesting clip. Just throwing it out there that I did not do it! 

9. Dressage or jumping? BOTH! I have had a green horse really needing the dressage aspect to help her jumping and it has made me appreciate it that much more. 

10. How many years have you been riding? I sat on my first horse when I was a toddler...started lessons in 6th grade (western!). Switched to english by 8th grade. Took a bit of a hiatus in high school and college but have started back up about 6 years ago. 

SOOO much wrong with this picture. But me on my first childhood horse owned by my parents.

11. Spurs/whip or no spurs/whip? Depends on the day/horse - but I prefer to have them on and not use them rather then not have them on and need them though I tend to only ride with a whip out XC with my horse.

12. Your first fall? The first one I can remember...off my childhood horse when attempting to jump hay bales and he decided eating them was more fun then jumping. I landed right on my bum on top the hay! 

13. When was the last time you rode and what did you do? My last ride was at Loch Moy's starter trials earlier this month. 

At Loch Moy's ST earlier this month

14. Most expensive piece of tack you own? Definitely my saddles...more specifically my studden. 

15. How old were you when you started riding? consistently riding, 11

16. Leather or nylon halters? Leather

17. Leather or synthetic saddles? Definitely Leather. I can not stand synthetic. 

18. What "grip" of reins do you like? Thinline reins!!! So sort of like rubber, but softer and less abrasive. 

19. English or Western? English

20. How many horses do you currently own/lease? One. That is enough for me. 

Tillie showing me just how athletic she is. 

21. Do you board your horse? Self-care/full board? Home board? Board.

22. Have you ever had to put down a horse that you loved? Not one that I owned myself no, but I have experienced putting horses down I loved despite not being mine (most were lesson horses that I had close relationships with from teaching and seeing them everyday). 

RIP Milagro

23. How many saddle pads do you have? not enough

24. Slant-load trailer or straight haul? I own a straight haul, but I think my mare would prefer a slant.

25. Why do you ride? Because I am a glutton for punishment apparently. 

I DONT WANNA TACO BOUT IT

Anyone that rides or owns horses knows the extreme highs and lows one can and will experience. Especially if working towards a goal or for those of us that compete. This blog is dedicated to the things that are not pretty and I often times find myself thinking:

The cold hard truths on the path we have taken, where we want to go and asking the questions you bury deep down. Me for example: I fear I have a horse that is too much for me. It isnt something I say out loud often for fear it will become something that will overwhelm my thoughts and make me more insecure or worse, actually become worse and make me have to do something about it. It is really unmentionable.

I haven't given up on our partnership though and feel our work together isn't anywhere near complete. There are days I feel totally competent and have faith we will reach my ultimate goal of a 1* event. (Well now I said that out loud so guess I have to make it happen eventually!) Yet our struggles force me to question if we both are actually getting somewhere or just hindering each other's ability to grow.

Tillie clearly disagrees with me putting my foot down and saying NO to tearing around XC like a maniac

Horses have a way of making us humble, and sometimes the more extreme feeling of inadequate. This is not a sport for the faint of heart. I see professionals and other amateurs facing similar struggles and my faith is restored that I too will have a partnership that strong that it appears to be effortless.

Another thing I dont admit out loud often: I have a real phobia of riding new horses I do not know well. The CHA certification week was a nice way to dull that fear slightly (well they were all beginner safe horses so I hope so lol).

One of the few horses I got on and felt comfortable enough to jump in the first ride. 4yr old green OTTB that I owned for a brief time because of how comfortable I felt in this test ride. 

I know that this fear is my body's self preservation at it's finest, but I cant help but feel ridiculous. Tillie is not an easy horse by any means, but she certainly isnt the hardest thing I have ever seen or come across. I know I have a lot of tools in my tool belt to be able to ride most horses I have the opportunity to ride. So why the hesitation?

I certainly am not guilty of overestimating my abilities, but I am also aware of what I do and dont feel comfortable with. I SHOULD feel comfortable riding most of the horses I have had the opportunity to at this point, yet I still feel insecure.

I was way more confident on my old guy, despite being green...I was much less educated here BUT I thought I knew a lot. Ohhhh how things have changed. 

Adding in another wrench, I probably would have no problems riding the horse in question alone without an audience. So I guess that means I am worried this said horse will call out a lack of ability making it apparent to an audience what my weakness as a rider are.

I know them, so who cares if other people do? I am pretty darn open...BUT I also know I put a ton of pressure on myself and have really high standards. I started riding later then most people and competing only a few years ago...so I feel incredibly behind.

Total fail moment

I see trainers in my area that are younger or my age just killing it and make it all look so easy while I'm over here like "I dont have enough leg for that" or "I have no breaks!!"

My face here says it all - NOT ENOUGH LEG! 

Now, any of my followers know I have no issues talking about my shortcomings and confidence issues. What I keep locked away though are some of the darker fears of being over-horse, scared of new horses and scared I'll never reach my goals.

We all have fears and mine seem to have become a frequent demon this year that has made me sensitive and thin skinned which I never was before. I hear something about Tillie and immediately think its a reflection of me and my work with her. Something as simple as she played hard in the field so she isn't calm enough...she doesn't go long and low to seek contact yet so she doesn't understand contact...she jumps over her shoulder. etc. ALL things that are true and can be worked on, but still somewhere along the lines I get defensive in my head or panic I am ruining her.

Ruining me?! NOOOOOO

Anyway, there it is...my I don't wanna taco bout it. I don't know many other people will want to share theirs, but I can always do a blog hop if people seem interested.

I Wine A Lot

I must admit, since our last event I threw Tillie out in a field, crawled home and licked my wounds. I know it wasnt THAT bad, but once again my hopes for the event fell very very short (I was hoping I could use this last event to check off confidence building in the hopes of moving up next year).

I know I need to not dwell soo much on the level we are competing at...but it is really challenging to feel like we havent improved. I can see a lot of changes happening when looking back at old posts but its like watching paint dry. To those that enjoy the training process - Kudos.

Some days I do. The moment things click and we both move together its so validating. But more often then not they arent clicking and my confidence becomes an issue (as we all know and I've quite literally have beaten to death in previous posts).

I am trying really hard not to dwell or whine....so I decided to just wine a lot instead!

I took a trip up north and took long weekend on a wine tour. So I overspent as usual and brought home all the wine. Literally two cases of an assortment of bottles from the various vineyards we visited....So here is to hoping instead of whining I'll be wining.

Luckily, good Old miseventer was around and was able to ride Tillie in my absence since we all know how mischievous she can get when she is left to her own devices. So until that stops, we will not be taking any breaks.

A still from the video I got of their lesson

I am pleased to report Tillie gave Miseventer a good ride and was behaved...and I urged her to take a lesson with D since she finally had something to ride in one. Holy cow was I impressed with them both.

Let's just say I may be paying Miseventer to take over the ride ;)