Glory Days

It's amazing looking back at old footage or photos how easy it all looks.  But we all know, in the moment or even moments surrounding that moment was a ton of blood, sweat and tears.

Lately, I have been really nostalgic and review tons of old footage and photos. I guess I am hungry to reflect, learn and keep growing despite feeling a bit unmotivated as far as actually getting in the saddle lately. I blame this some what on an impromptu weekend away at a barn friends bachelorette weekend...and it was right up my ally ( much to my surprise)

Dont usually like selfies or this much of a close up...but gotta love the beach curls

It was really nice to lay around, nap on the beach and most of all swim...what can I say, I am an active person at hear ;)

I realized on my mini vaca that I feel a bit unmotivated in general and have felt a bit weird lately when it comes to riding. Reflecting on this more, I sort of feel like its because I reached my HUGE milestone I set to make it to training level. While there is much to work on and clean up here, its a major accomplishment for me that we made it here and with me in the saddle.

Lots of this lately and its lovely

Dont get me wrong, the lessons are still happening...and lots of learning. I am just laying a bit low lately, hence the lack of blogging.

ALLLLLL the lessons still 

Tillie has been on point, and we have gotten great feedback in lesson noticing overall improvement and thats great to hear! I am still my own worst critic and can admit at times when I feel defeated, I back off before I rally and make my big comeback to kick my fear's ass.

Like galloping on purpose at home in the field. 

Ive turned to an old friend lately to help me relax when I dont ride, and its sketching or drawing!! For those that dont know me well, my degree is in art and design. While I do more marketing and graphic and web design now, my passion still is with good old fashion illustration and painting (particularly charcoal or oil paintings)

Beginning phase of my latest drawing but now including color pencil

Final result

It has felt reallllly good to pick up the pencil again...and I love being able to combine both horses and drawing together. My goal is to fill up my sketch book and just experiment....and i hope it carries over to my riding too. Stop trying to make it all so perfect and just get lost in the art of it all.

I finally today got my professional photos from our last event at Waredaca and boy am I excited to share them. I purchased them because I feel like they captured all Tillie and I have worked for this year...and it basically is me reliving the glory of this moment. Running the XC and being so stoked we ran Training I was choked up running across the finish here.

I really love the last two because you can see me grinning from ear to ear...which is rare to see me do when riding, let along mid-jump. Look at all the other photos and my face ranges from being dead serious, to GRRRRR to "holy shit."

But these last two really epitomize the relationship Tillie and I have built this year. This was one of the trickier combos on the course. It was the B element after a fairly decent bank up, bending line to this skinny. Tillie was brave, hunted the fence and took me right to the base of it without any hesitation at all.

I knew once we jumped it we were home free and my smile and HUGE praise to her and pats after this were just so ridiculous, but to me this moment was the height of all we worked for.

Call me a sap, call my sentimental...but getting to this point has been quite the journey. Most of it documented here. I fret over small things and agonize about our progress, but at the end of the day THIS photo captures our journey this season. Our #progressnotperfection.

I LOVE this mare so much for being able to start this season out at BN and doing Training, with me in the saddle, in the same season and feel sooo good doing it. Sure, her rider needs to figure her shit out and stop getting so nervous, but my mare has stepped up and proven she thrives in this sport. I cant even believe I ever questioned it now.

I promise to try to update my blog more regularly...we have some more things and events on the agenda before the season ends to stay tuned!!!

So we _____ today and I guess you could say its getting real serious

What is your win of the day? It can be any caliber or semblance of a win. No matter how big or small the wins are always chipping away at the thing we call progress.

Mine today: we galloped.

I know it doesnt seem like a huge deal considering we have been eventing and galloping comes with the territory out XC. But that usually just happens, sometimes not intentionally and not always in control.

So my recent goal has been to stop avoiding it and go gallop. Let Tillie go, run it out and trust her then test to see where her ratability is.

The mare shocked the hell out of me this evening and was willing to come back with no protesting, no setting on the bit...partially because I think she was a bit unfocused, but hey it worked to our advantage and new goal: Gallop more!!

Hello Darkness my old friend

I know I have been a bit elusive to whats been bothering me on top of some general, not feeling right with my riding. 

Its hard, after finding the complete in-sync feeling with your horse, to lose it and try to ride them without it. It just feels wrong. 

Lots of reconnecting happening over here

I have mentioned in previous posts I just want to sort of reset and evaluate. Come back to a safe zone and just wrap my brain around this whole season in addition to whats next and what my goals are. What should I being doing my next few rides? Can I work on what I learn in lessons at home and feel progress? If not why? If yes, great! 

This Novice, leading up to it and after the event I remember feeling so completely in tune with Tillie 

I took time to reflect on when I felt the most trusting of Tillie and factors around that. Her comfort is top of the list. When mare isnt 100% she lets me know and she lets me know really quick. In many ways this is good, I can order the ulcer meds, get the farrier out or the chiro...but sometimes it means a ride that mentally is a set back for me if she is really unhappy. 

For all of us, we know we are the biggest advocate for our own horses. No one else will notice the small stuff...so its up to us to listen to them. 

It always is a tremendous relief to me when I am able to pinpoint an issue of being physical or training related. 

Tillie loves her massages

I have learned how Tillie learns and our recent move up has been shockingly easy for her as far as XC goes and even dressage (Maybe not for me!! lol) but the phase that seems to be at the current forefront of my mind is stadium. 

XC will always be the beast...I will always need to manage Tillie's excitement, but in light of our recent paperchase, I think I have figured out what we need to do for galloping. 

Like being able to gallop like this, uphill!! 

Leading up to our Training debut and even up until last week, I sort of felt like we havent been on the same page in stadium jumping. Stadium is so technical, its really hard when you are out of sync to not have some biffs and shittastic moments. 

One stride lines, set reallly tightly can feel a bit shittastic

I have also come to realize rails are not as easy to keep up now the jumps are bigger. When I suck, Tillie cant do her job. 

I came to the realization I havent had a good old fashioned P lesson in ages and just riding around doing coursework was what we were missing. Sure the technical exercises are helpful, but sometimes just going around, no pressure over a series of jumps helps knock out the cobwebs. 

My lesson with P couldnt have come at a better time since Tillie had a fairly significant setback at a lesson earlier last week and was back to galloping at jumps flat and totally not paying attention...exactly what I do not need in working on allowing her to be more independent. It really makes me want to micromanage even more. 

Getting there...

I honestly resolved to hanging out the rest of the season and just lessoning. Going back to basics and taking off the pressure thinking maybe Tillie was just burnt out. 

Well my girl showed up and we rocked it:

Patti even had some of them set to 3'9....like whoa. They didnt feel that big at all, and Tillie soared over them quietly without getting too heavy and generally showed up feeling like a trained horse. 

Absolutely no effort on Tillie's part on this one

Between my extra dressage lessons and this one, It was just the lesson week we needed to catapult us back into that comfort zone I love, even though its doing the higher or harder stuff. I am still planning to keep the rest of the season light and just explore. We dont have anything planned as far as events until October, but we wont be slowing down on lessons anytime soon! 

how good riders get good

I recently have dived into a friend's copy of the Denny Emerson book, "How Good Riders Get Good."

If you haven't read it, you really should. I am not quite halfway through and its pretty awesome. He is true to his personality and bluntly puts it out there, but also shares some worldly experiences from his own life as well as excerpts from world-class riders.

As I've touched on in some recent blogs, I have recently been mentally struggling with my riding...and not just the literal riding, but the bigger plan. I know I tend to get way too caught up in the bigger picture sometimes...riding a horse that is green and trying to train it, you really do need to focus on the smaller things. That can be reallllly hard when you start realizing your own hopes and dreams and need to tell them to be quiet while you are "in the meantime" (another non-horse related book that is awesome for anyone feeling stuck).

I am not many things that I would like to be...like a true professional, or naturally talented. But what i make up for that, at least I hope, is being really determined and tenacious. I refuse to do it at the expense of my horse so consider myself EXTREMELY fortunate I stumbled upon Tillie who shows up, works hard and genuinely seems to enjoy her job.

My reason for sharing about this book is because I know I can not be the only rider out there questioning their choices. This book may cause you to question some more so...but in many ways it has put my mind at ease regarding my ambition.

Its ok to dream big and be ambitious. I realize I am getting a bit way too motivational postery on you, but at the end of the day sometimes mantras like this are what gets me through.

Less than a  year ago, this is what I faced xc schooling almost every time

This year has been wildly successful for us. Im sure some may be sick of my over the top gushing. I promise I wont brag much longer because with progress comes pain, set backs and everything in between...hence my favorite hash tag #progressnotperfection.

Killing it at Training Level...well maybe not all three phases but one day well get all of them!

Denny Emerson's book basically has made me feel ok for never feeling satisfied. For always wanting and pushing for more. I am hungry and determined to reach my goals. Like I said, it is never in detriment to Tillie. But I am starting to believe more and more we can reach some of my goals together and its reallllllly exciting.

I was beyond excited how she felt in our first training level dressage test

I realize from reading this book just how many of these other top level riders didn't have horses around their entire lives, boat loads of money or even natural talent. Some got there from working hard, never giving up and always trying again.

So I guess this post is meant to be inspirational...Dont let go of your dreams. Its never too late and you always have a choice. Sometimes the choices arent easy, but follow your dream, and dont feel bad about it!

Bouncing back

Happy labor Day everyone!! Hope you all had a great long weekend too :)

more time to indulge in this

Despite feeling a bit down and out lately, this long holiday weekend was just what the doctored ordered for Tillie and I. While I have other stuff to work out, my feeling about where we are is back to being supremely confident.

Friday evening we had another dressage lesson focusing on relaxation and getting Tillie independently trusting her balance. Asking her to seek contact no matter how high or low we asked her to be and be ok with staying there until otherwise asked.

In addition we worked on using sitting trot and my seat to push and pull her striding in and out. Compressing turns out to be much more of a challenge!!

Tillie and her old buddy being cute 

I also FINALLY had another jump lesson with P...way over do and I finally had my quiet, lovely horse back after a minor set back in our training.

P loves this shirt mostly because of the glaring line down the middle of my back so she can holler when I collapse one way or another. 

It was great timing too going into a paperchase we entered as a farm which consists of lots of trails, galloping, and XC jumping.  I was more excited though because we surprised a fellow barn mate with some really fun shirts and wedding related paraphernalia to embarrass her :)

Much to my delight and surprise Tillie was a rockstar through most of it. I was a bit worried being in a group she would be wound up and be finicky about where she was positioned in the pack, but she kept a cool head and was pretty game about anything.

Gettin our groove back

I chose to give her today off with  my full list we have planned this week...but practicing galloping and rating in the gallop has been on the list for some time (and Ive been avoiding). But Im determined and excited to figure it out for our next event.

Even more exciting is Training level jumps arent looking so intimidating anymore...and a few of the friendlier prelim ones are seeming doable too! I have no intention of moving up to prelim at all, but its kind of nice to be able to school that and feel like Training level isnt our top most effort when we do it.

Ill post a more description post soon! Ill be sipping a glass of wine after a long day of trailer cleaning (and i mean hose it out, scrub it and deep clean type of cleaning).

Hello again

I apologize for my long hiatus...not that I have a huge following or anything. But we are alive and well, relatively speaking. I have been a bit busy with life lately and havent had much time to write about what we are up to.

Post Chiro / accupuncture yesterday!

Right now, we are up to trying to find our center. With all the events and going, its been a whirlwind. Its been fun and full with emotions (ranging from elation to disappointment). I was going to try to enter another event this coming weekend, but mentally, I need the break and feel the need to take some time to assess.

Taking some long walks has helped some

As a whole, I am feeling really proud and happy with our progress this year. Its incredibly easy to get caught up in the day to day and focus on how its going right now...but taking a step back, we have progressed immensely, completely surpassing my expectations for the season.

From a "D" lesson last saturday...can you say over jump?!

I say all of this to lead into what I am feeling right now: The need to focus on lessoning. You know, the kind of lessons you do some soul searching, rip off the band aid and sweat it out? (Not that we havent had those lately...) But with every event or show, there is a tiny bit of helping we do for our horses; That lets get it done ride sometimes you have to pull out of your back pocket to get home safely.

Tillie has been incredibly resilient with all that we have done. Reflecting back of all the events this year, she's become easier and easier at events requiring a lot less of that "Get it done" or helping her through. We have reached a point of maintaining....a plateau if you will where now its time to change the game. Ask for more independence and trust. That takes a lot of hand holding from my instructors to get me to let go and stop micro managing Tillie...but its time.

Let that baggage go!

We are at a pivotal moment in our training where a break through is about to happen, but that also means existing in a state of unpleasantness right now. I am getting better at understanding Tillie's reactions so the trust is getting there. It unfortunately did regress a bit with our fall, so I am hoping I will find progressive comfort in my lesson plan with my trainers in the coming weeks.

Personally I have been feeling a bit off, and that is across the board even in life. So I have decided to take this time and find my inner zen. I have been wanting to connect and find a deeper trust towards Tillie lately anyway...and I know its all mental. The mare has been phenomenal and not giving me any reason to be worried like with her antics last year...but I am having a hard time letting go.

Tacking up for our D lesson...I love my trailer.

I am fortunate to have great people in our corner and a horse the genuinely wants to work. Emotionally, I have my personal set backs, but damn if my mare always makes a point to pull out the ride I need just as I start tipping over into crazy-town.

I have been doing too much thinking lately...a lot of nostalgia to earlier in the season when I got to go to more events with my barn friends. I dont get to as much right now for different reasons for each person but it does make me sad. I think most of my funk right now is related to that...this sport is so social. It has a lot of highs and lows, both which I covet having those people around.

It sounds silly to say, but it does feel a bit lonely. Im over joyed with the season and am pretty determined to keep at it, but there just seems to be that nagging, underlying thing. Im sure its just a transitional thing...Ill get used to it.

More updates to come soon!!