I have been pretty terrible about blogging this year...I have alluded in some of my posts before that my personal life was evolving and going through pretty major changes. It has been all consuming and definitely a process. From feeling rocky to relief, progress and pain its been quite a whirlwind.
I am sure I am not alone. Statistically speaking, I likely know more people than not who have done through a divorce. It certainly is an event that makes you evaluate your life, goals and priorities.
If I look at my life a year ago, I wouldn't recognize it and in a good way. The role my horses play in my life has gone through some explorations. The horse I last posted about purchasing was quite fun and so pleasant to work with. He had that puppy dog personality that was a magnet for everyone that visited the farm. I am sad, but happy, to say he sold pretty darn quickly to his new person. So I am back down to Tillie.
Our first event of the season at Training level!
With the life changes, it also seems I am putting a lot less pressure on my riding and actually enjoying the fun of it. I must say it definitely has shown a huge change in Tillie who has been quite pleasant from the start of the season.
One of the few clear rounds of the division
She has really stepped up to the plate and become a true Training level packer...essentially saving my butt when I am not riding and all in all making this level fell easy. Gosh, crazy to even say that when this time last year we were starting out at this level and I felt like every fence was a huge gamble...and the inbetween riding was definitely not as refined.
Loch Moy in July (we got 7th!) conquering the double brush table that we fell at the novice level just a year earlier.
A few things seemed to have helped Tillie come into herself, 1. a less rigid me being the biggest one. 2. a new saddle that fits us both. 3. Hock injections
She is really starting to get her shoulders up. I now know when she jumps over her shoulder and collapses, I either rode poorly and took my leg off, or if its super consistent, something is bothering her. (AKA her hocks).
It really helps I have someone who wholly supports my passion.
Tillie eating up the combination at Loch Moy
I hope it doesn't sound like gushing...I really am just feeling like this is why I went through the pain. We have hard times, ups and downs...and the ups make the downs worth it right? Until they don't and you have to change. And that shit is scary
So can be galloping at a fence but we do it anyway right!?
The hardest thing of all was leaving my dog behind. No dog ever replaces another, but they can certainly help fill a void. I know other dog owners know exactly what I mean when I say life just feels weird without a dog when you're used to having one around.
Meet Goose on his gotchya day!
He certainly has become my partner in crime. I take him with me to the barn and shows. While he can be a little Tasmanian devil at times, he is my Goose!
How he likes riding in the car
Depsite Tillie's awesomeness so far this year, it was around the time we competed at Seneca I decided to start causally listing her for sale. While we both have come so far together and I am sure will continue to, she is not my forever horse. I do love her and will be incredibly sad to see her go, but I know she'll offer someone else a wealth of knowledge like she did for me.
Not the greatest stadium round at this event, but some hock injections did the trick.
I am in no rush to sell her and still actively competing her. I am so pleased that with each event, we both just keep adding to what we learned and for the first time this year, I have begun tracking our time and using my event watch. Last year it was all about going clean and safe - which it always is! But we can actually add speed now and have breaks without the fits or fighting.
Tillie owning the jump just after the water combo at Seneca
There is so much to love about this mare. I have countless trainers supporting my decision and encouraging me to keep going with her. I have discussed her sale in great angst and still to this day waiver, but ultimately if the right match comes along I wont refuse.
Locking on to jumps and eating them up
I can sing her praises to anyone high and low but can also readily admit her faults and that she can be quite a finicky ride. She likes what she likes and will let you know when she doesn't like it. It has been a 4 year partnership learning her that has convinced her that working like this isn't going to kill you.
Smiling when riding!! Never thought I'd see the day
The knowing one another like the back of my hand definitely has come into handy. With the amount riding has deviated in my life, Tillie has been like a rock and super consistent even if I haven't been.
She likes me even if she doesn't show it all the time
It is really crazy looking back at this blog and seeing posts of extreme frustration questioning whether she was capable. Don't get me wrong, I still do sometimes. But damn it if this mare doesn't come out ready to work with so much try...I can tell you if and when she sells and I am on the hunt for a new horse, it damn well better have half the heart she does.
Loch Moy 7th place in July!
I have had tons of non-serious interest in her, and ill admit I am completely ok with that. I am excited to say after last weekend at Fair Hill, we are now qualified for the move up to Prelim and for waredaca's big 3 day event - both of which I have scheduled!
Many people I have talked to have encouraged me to keep the ride on her through prelim or more for the experience since we know each other so well. Prelim is definitely that level in the back of my mind I have put off knowing its the first of the "Upper levels." Its pretty cool, but also pretty darn intimidating.
Moving up from second to last to 6th because of this beast and her jumping!
We decided after last weekend feeling so easy despite me being sick, that maybe it was time to choose the event we would make our Prelim debut at. So far its scheduled to be Seneca in early September with the ability to drop back down again the week before if I feel uneasy. In that case we would reroute to Flora Lea.
My show buddy already getting so big
I was so freaking proud of her last weekend. Despite dressage being a struggle (for me test riding is my nightmare), Tillie brought it for jumping. The stadium round was tricky which she owned and went clear bumping us up to 9th place. Then in an even more exciting turn of events, We went double clear on cross country - Yes even under time!!! It is the first event we have achieved this.
On a random note: Did I mention my love of cooking has resurfaced!?
While Seneca and Loch Moy we were close with fewer time penalties, this event was the first one we were closest to the optimum time in my division as well! This bumped us all the way up to 6th. Which, might I add, was against riders like Mr. Dutton, Courtney Cooper and Jennie Brannigan to name a few.
my big eared animals
So with all that said, I have decided to try my best to start blogging again to document the road to waredaca. I know it will be an incredible learning experience and really hope Tillie stays healthy and sound along the way!
...maybe not super duper competitive yet at the level, but god damn it, we COMPLETED! I do whole heartedly believe we will (and can) be competitive if I can get my shit straight. It is not due to any fault because of Tillie.
Dear god ignore me, but hey Tillie looks good!
I admit, I am a dumbass...for either not reading the ombibus right or whatever but I totally went in to this event prepared to ride one test and it required an entirely different test that I have ridden, let alone read or even one I have watched before.
Needless to say, the morning was totally not in our favor for two main reasons: 1) as I already listed I am a space cadet and 2) our times had been moved up and I had no idea.
Sleep tight Miss Tillie...night before the show when i was still superbly calm and confident
Luckily, I planned to arrive super duper early...I generally like to give myself an hour prior to my ride time to arrive to settle in, tack up and then have anywhere between 30-40 min to get on and warm up. I usually hack around to let her look for the first 10 min, will pick her up w/t and then let her walk around for 5 min then canter...etc.
Imagine the mayhem in my brain when I picked up my packet and saw my ride time was 8:10 not 8:39 as I had originally been emailed. I tried really hard not to panic right then and there (It was already 7:50 by this point).
Braided and ready to go!
I got on by 7:55 and was really channeling my inner zen at that moment. I was trusting in the fact Tillie doesnt require much to warm up and it was a test we know well and works well for us. Well Tillie was a bit distracted...it was the first time at this venue and I think others were also feeling the time crunch with the moved times in attempt to beat the rain storms coming. I had only walk trotted around when the steward sent me to warm up on deck. I felt the sinking feeling of "crap" I may emabarass us...
I realized on my walk down to the ring, to my horror, everyone was riding a different test. So literally as the rider before me saluted and walked out of the ring, my dear friend read me the test seconds before I went to trot around the ring we were due to ride in. I am honestly surprised I remembered as much as I did and didnt get eliminated.
I walked away from her trying not to panic and repeated, "Fuck, fuckity fuck, fuck" knowing I fucked up....and will never read the omnibus wrong or not ever double check again.
So after 2 errors for totally not knowing the test and riding the wrong movements...the judge was pretty damn nice and I think pretty considerate not giving me a third which would eliminate us and letting me finish with a score of, dare I even say it, 41.8.
I walked out of that ring so disappointed in myself, which felt even worse seeing Boyd Martin sitting right outside warm up chatting away and watching those in the ring.
Oh yea, did I mention a few other top level riders I shared the ring with that day making me want to shrivel and die?! Colleen Rutledge, Lainey Askher, Jenny Brannigen....
Jenny Brannigan even passed me after my XC asking ME how I did!! And THAT is why I love this sport.
Dont even ask who was there in stadium warm up or watching from the stands....
I got back to the trailer and allowed myself exactly 15 minutes to wallow in self pity over that before switching gears to the next two phases. I thank god for my helpers being there taking out her braids and tacking her up allowing me to divulge but also reassuring me we werent total disasters. I felt pretty embarrassed and then shut it out to prep for jumping.
I have never been more grateful to have a warm up plan in my life and that I was able to chat about it with Dom the day before. It gave me a sense of comfort and feeling like I knew what the fuck I was doing among all these professionals.
It also was a bit disconcerting because the warm up he gave was specific and required adjusting and taking over an oxer: Jump a low wide oxer 2 times off both leads. Raise it two holes keeping it a square oxer and repeat...re jump only if she gets flat or it isnt right. Then make it an ascending oxer same thing. At this point if she knocks a rail go right into stadium and do nothing else. If ok, raise it again to a square oxer and jump off both leads.
Tillie was being pretty stubborn about giving me the left lead, but Dom addressed that the day before knowing it is our harder one...basically it isnt ideal, but dont stress about it and keep going.
So that we did:
Tillie oddly hung her front leg a few times over some of the jumps, which I have never seen her do before...and it cost us a rail at the oxer. But Dom didnt seem too worried about it and called it unlucky with it being atypical for her. Otherwise she was jumping me out of the tack again which seems to be a new normal for Tillie at shows...
So we had 4 faults for the rail and a few time penalties...because of the darn not giving me the left lead so counter cantering and then the laser focus on her part on the lower field after fence #2 so almost not turning.
But again, time wasnt something we should be worrying about just yet. Dom told me to hang out wide on all my turns and just take our time to not worry about making the optimum or accruing penalties right now.
So we went out to XC which was backed up a bit. I dont like waiting...it makes me nervous and I felt muyself getting restless. I jumped the two xc warm up fences they had and was pleased Tillie did them both quite well.
I reminded myself about the coursewalk we had the day before and to go with Tillie. Slow and steady since the rain started at that point and just be safe.
Fence 1 to 2
Just as they called me on deck, the rain and drizzling stopped...I gathered my reins which were slipping and vowed i would replace them with rubber or something less slippery for my next event.
Fence 1 to 2 felt fine...I knew I was riding a bit too conservatively but Tillie wasnt protesting and better be safe than sorry.
Fence 3 was a table i knew after was a bit of an uphill gallop to let her blow off some steam.
pretty inviting and towards the dressage and stadium rings so pretty sure this was going to be a non issue
I didnt ever let her gallop to prevent her not locking on me, but now we had such a successful run, my homework is to practice this and possibly test more of letting her go at our next event.
The 4 a&b angled tables rode beautifully and I sat up immediately asking Tillie to balance since there was quite a long grade down hill steep enough to make me worry the studs I had in may not be enough with only having her tapped behind...after today though she will now be tapped for fronts as well to prevent this fear again.
The downhill approached a narrowish and large produce stand which I had already heard caused a few glances or refusals so growled a bit and pressed Tillie at it.
The next fence was on a decent turn which was the reason Dom had me put in the slightly larger studs and it handled no issues to the chevron, which Tillie didnt bat an eye at.
I breathed a sigh there, but it wasnt long lived before I locked my sight on the first water.
This fence was the first one on course I soooort of questioned. Everything else seemed inconsequential. My good, brave mare charged into the water and took this no issue even with the huge pond just two strides straight behind it...so if she didnt read it right or understand we needed to turn could have been a bit sticky.
I talked to her A LOT this course and it was here I really got vocal telling her "There is the spot!!" probably more for me than her...
After this was another bit of gallop before the lattice into the woods to which her lack of wanting to half halt made me tell her "Eyes up mare there is a fence." It was a lower fence for us so she took it not really paying attention to the fact we had a narrow entrance to woods right after.
But a bit of a swerve we made it in there and I asked her to trot a bit with how narrow it was knowing the next jump was into the second water complex with an A & B with the A jump being directly into water which we havent done before. I could see this complex from the warm up area and really reflected at the horses doing this at how amazing they looked and hoped we could also look like we belonged here.
Tillie took this on like a pro!
She galloped after this feeling pretty proud taking the ramp pretty boldly, which if you listen to the next video you may capture me shouting, "WEEEE, Tillie!" just before crossing the road to the bending line:
I totally counted out loud and we got a bit long to the B element but i was soooo happy!!
She took on the next few jumps so easily its ridiculous, and we came to probably the harder element on course:
Tillie was so sure of herself, my words of encouragement were, again, probably more for me than her. She was so cocky after this I said out loud approaching the last two jumps, "OK mare, dont get cocky, pay attention" since both were still nice and inviting but still decent sized jumps.
Sure we got sooo many time penalties but I got choked up and did almost cry galloping through the finish. We officially completed our first training level event and XC was such a breeze it was ridiculous. The tears were basically an overwhelming emotion of going from not being able to do BN without looking silly to completing training level bravely and confidently.
My next event wont be until early September, so I am looking forward to really getting my own shit together and giving Tillie the ride she deserves!
