Since this last weekend, I am still riding the excitement of nailing the Training Level course at Waredaca. It gave me the confidence boost I needed to know we can do it and that stepping out of my comfort zone is starting to pay off...and its starting to feel a little more comfortable and not so out of the safe-box.
Rocking the B element of a bending line
I chose to give Tillie both Monday and Tuesday off as a reward...and myself for that matter. I dreaded what I would get yesterday when I finally hopped back on her. At least it was dressage day with my favorite dressage trainer, C, and was hoping Tillie would showcase some of her less than stellar behavior we can sometimes get at shows so C could walk me through how to handle it.
Tillie usually shows up for C lessons all business and ready to work...which is GREAT but I would like the help on how to ride her when she starts testing me or is hyped up.
Like when she sees her friends and wants to gallop out to them
Sure enough, as soon as I got on her, I could tell we had some defensiveness happening...my last lesson with C went quite well but we established the need to re-treat Tillie for ulcers. After putting her on a 5-day test with Ulcer Guard tubes...she was a different, much softer horse.
I of course ran out on Sunday morning so the ducking behind the contact was back. That is not an answer I have missed miss Tillie.
A good moment towards the end of our lesson
When Tillie gets like this its a little bit like she tests me...or as C puts it: "Im not touching you...." in the most annoying, goading voice ever. Its hard for me not to get frustrated, but C reassured me and coached me into being patient. Rather than using the quicker half halts we normally need, use longer and slower ones to promote her elongating and going into the contact.
This ride was a lot more about getting her more honest in the bridle and more consistent even if it meant letting her get a bit lower in the poll to allow her to lift her whither, THEN let her come up...the trick being to let her do it so it was her carrying herself over me helping her.
Like this wonderful moment in the canter
Another thing that C had me doing much more this lesson was dropping my hands realllllly low almost thinking of them as side reins. The hard part for me is keeping them there and still...I am not sure what it is, but my inside hand especially, "jiggle wiggles." C will correct me and tell me not to, but its not an intentional movement...She suggested thinking of keeping my elbows touching my shirt a bit more.
Either way, its an issue that frustrates me...anything bodily or physically related is tough. Its like rubbing your stomach and patting your head while riding a horse. I know what I need to do, but getting my body to respond properly is a whole different animal.
My position has come a long way since fall last year too...but its a never ending battle
C basically told me we need to up the difficulty level for Tillie. Its time to start expecting more. Let her do more of the work and be very black and white with her where I expect her to be.
Think of her like an accordion; you should be able to elongate her neck and body and then package it back together again at any given time.
^^The above is what we are striving for more and more so that when I let my reins go a bit longer, Tillie should be following it and seeking it more. This requires getting her to unlock at the base of her neck which has always been a challenge...Tillie likes to stay in one place in her box. Getting her to trust herself or balance outside of that can be a bit hard to convince her.
Just re-ordered these again...
Tillie does try hard though and when she figures out the rules, she does dig in and gets to work. While I never felt like our trot work felt phenomenal yesterday in our lesson...Our canter work shockingly felt hugely improved. It was a pleasant surprise considering and I expected it to be terrible with her inconsistency in the trot.
But we had some really nice moments of her giving me her back. A few times she broke into the trot in a honest mistake, but C was happy with that and said it was a matter of her learning to trust she can carry it.
Like when we first had to get her to trust lengthening her stride in the trot
So I know we will get there...it wasnt the most confidence instilling ride, but I left knowing what we need to work on and that the ulcer meds are definitely needed. So first thing am they are ordered and hopefully here by the end of the week.
I have come to realize in the weeks since our fall that while I initially wasnt all that shaken about it, it definitely had a way of creeping in. All my hard work of not riding so backwards to fences seemed to have reverted and I found myself getting really frustrated for always wanting to do the add before jumps...which isnt always the right answer.
Jump chute day with the campers...Tillie clearly prefers going long
I hate being that student you have to be a broken record towards. So I have promised myself I need to be sure I find the time to make it to more P lessons to get in the coursework since that seemed to really help us earlier this year. Dom lessons are wonderful for thinking about the set up, getting the correct form and jump and definitely is helping, but I need to add the P coursework back in to really practice what we work on in Dom lessons. With the shows on weekends, its been tough getting those in, but I have a bit of a break now before the next one.
Mare's got hops!
With that said, Dom came Friday to help us prepare for Waredaca and promote Tillie getting the nice jump that will get her landing softer and not so downhill and ready to take off. He started us with a simple low wide oxer to work on finding the right canter, distance and stride and slowly built it up to Training level.
Notice the "V" poles which helps Tillie jump more uphill with the front end. Dom raves about her tidy hind end so its about getting her better with the front half of her body now.
That portion went pretty well...then we added the grid/triple to let that do the work for me and allow us both to focus on ourselves and get out of the habits we tend to pin each other into:
Tillie wasnt really wanting to give me the left lead but Dom said not to worry that we have been working on it, it would come when the straightness got there.
Then we tried to put it all together
Needless to say there were ups and downs, but I am pretty proud of this horse...she has come so incredibly far this year!
...maybe not super duper competitive yet at the level, but god damn it, we COMPLETED! I do whole heartedly believe we will (and can) be competitive if I can get my shit straight. It is not due to any fault because of Tillie.
Dear god ignore me, but hey Tillie looks good!
I admit, I am a dumbass...for either not reading the ombibus right or whatever but I totally went in to this event prepared to ride one test and it required an entirely different test that I have ridden, let alone read or even one I have watched before.
Needless to say, the morning was totally not in our favor for two main reasons: 1) as I already listed I am a space cadet and 2) our times had been moved up and I had no idea.
Sleep tight Miss Tillie...night before the show when i was still superbly calm and confident
Luckily, I planned to arrive super duper early...I generally like to give myself an hour prior to my ride time to arrive to settle in, tack up and then have anywhere between 30-40 min to get on and warm up. I usually hack around to let her look for the first 10 min, will pick her up w/t and then let her walk around for 5 min then canter...etc.
Imagine the mayhem in my brain when I picked up my packet and saw my ride time was 8:10 not 8:39 as I had originally been emailed. I tried really hard not to panic right then and there (It was already 7:50 by this point).
Braided and ready to go!
I got on by 7:55 and was really channeling my inner zen at that moment. I was trusting in the fact Tillie doesnt require much to warm up and it was a test we know well and works well for us. Well Tillie was a bit distracted...it was the first time at this venue and I think others were also feeling the time crunch with the moved times in attempt to beat the rain storms coming. I had only walk trotted around when the steward sent me to warm up on deck. I felt the sinking feeling of "crap" I may emabarass us...
I realized on my walk down to the ring, to my horror, everyone was riding a different test. So literally as the rider before me saluted and walked out of the ring, my dear friend read me the test seconds before I went to trot around the ring we were due to ride in. I am honestly surprised I remembered as much as I did and didnt get eliminated.
I walked away from her trying not to panic and repeated, "Fuck, fuckity fuck, fuck" knowing I fucked up....and will never read the omnibus wrong or not ever double check again.
So after 2 errors for totally not knowing the test and riding the wrong movements...the judge was pretty damn nice and I think pretty considerate not giving me a third which would eliminate us and letting me finish with a score of, dare I even say it, 41.8.
I walked out of that ring so disappointed in myself, which felt even worse seeing Boyd Martin sitting right outside warm up chatting away and watching those in the ring.
Oh yea, did I mention a few other top level riders I shared the ring with that day making me want to shrivel and die?! Colleen Rutledge, Lainey Askher, Jenny Brannigen....
Jenny Brannigan even passed me after my XC asking ME how I did!! And THAT is why I love this sport.
Dont even ask who was there in stadium warm up or watching from the stands....
I got back to the trailer and allowed myself exactly 15 minutes to wallow in self pity over that before switching gears to the next two phases. I thank god for my helpers being there taking out her braids and tacking her up allowing me to divulge but also reassuring me we werent total disasters. I felt pretty embarrassed and then shut it out to prep for jumping.
I have never been more grateful to have a warm up plan in my life and that I was able to chat about it with Dom the day before. It gave me a sense of comfort and feeling like I knew what the fuck I was doing among all these professionals.
It also was a bit disconcerting because the warm up he gave was specific and required adjusting and taking over an oxer: Jump a low wide oxer 2 times off both leads. Raise it two holes keeping it a square oxer and repeat...re jump only if she gets flat or it isnt right. Then make it an ascending oxer same thing. At this point if she knocks a rail go right into stadium and do nothing else. If ok, raise it again to a square oxer and jump off both leads.
Tillie was being pretty stubborn about giving me the left lead, but Dom addressed that the day before knowing it is our harder one...basically it isnt ideal, but dont stress about it and keep going.
So that we did:
Tillie oddly hung her front leg a few times over some of the jumps, which I have never seen her do before...and it cost us a rail at the oxer. But Dom didnt seem too worried about it and called it unlucky with it being atypical for her. Otherwise she was jumping me out of the tack again which seems to be a new normal for Tillie at shows...
So we had 4 faults for the rail and a few time penalties...because of the darn not giving me the left lead so counter cantering and then the laser focus on her part on the lower field after fence #2 so almost not turning.
But again, time wasnt something we should be worrying about just yet. Dom told me to hang out wide on all my turns and just take our time to not worry about making the optimum or accruing penalties right now.
So we went out to XC which was backed up a bit. I dont like waiting...it makes me nervous and I felt muyself getting restless. I jumped the two xc warm up fences they had and was pleased Tillie did them both quite well.
I reminded myself about the coursewalk we had the day before and to go with Tillie. Slow and steady since the rain started at that point and just be safe.
Fence 1 to 2
Just as they called me on deck, the rain and drizzling stopped...I gathered my reins which were slipping and vowed i would replace them with rubber or something less slippery for my next event.
Fence 1 to 2 felt fine...I knew I was riding a bit too conservatively but Tillie wasnt protesting and better be safe than sorry.
Fence 3 was a table i knew after was a bit of an uphill gallop to let her blow off some steam.
pretty inviting and towards the dressage and stadium rings so pretty sure this was going to be a non issue
I didnt ever let her gallop to prevent her not locking on me, but now we had such a successful run, my homework is to practice this and possibly test more of letting her go at our next event.
The 4 a&b angled tables rode beautifully and I sat up immediately asking Tillie to balance since there was quite a long grade down hill steep enough to make me worry the studs I had in may not be enough with only having her tapped behind...after today though she will now be tapped for fronts as well to prevent this fear again.
The downhill approached a narrowish and large produce stand which I had already heard caused a few glances or refusals so growled a bit and pressed Tillie at it.
The next fence was on a decent turn which was the reason Dom had me put in the slightly larger studs and it handled no issues to the chevron, which Tillie didnt bat an eye at.
I breathed a sigh there, but it wasnt long lived before I locked my sight on the first water.
This fence was the first one on course I soooort of questioned. Everything else seemed inconsequential. My good, brave mare charged into the water and took this no issue even with the huge pond just two strides straight behind it...so if she didnt read it right or understand we needed to turn could have been a bit sticky.
I talked to her A LOT this course and it was here I really got vocal telling her "There is the spot!!" probably more for me than her...
After this was another bit of gallop before the lattice into the woods to which her lack of wanting to half halt made me tell her "Eyes up mare there is a fence." It was a lower fence for us so she took it not really paying attention to the fact we had a narrow entrance to woods right after.
But a bit of a swerve we made it in there and I asked her to trot a bit with how narrow it was knowing the next jump was into the second water complex with an A & B with the A jump being directly into water which we havent done before. I could see this complex from the warm up area and really reflected at the horses doing this at how amazing they looked and hoped we could also look like we belonged here.
Tillie took this on like a pro!
She galloped after this feeling pretty proud taking the ramp pretty boldly, which if you listen to the next video you may capture me shouting, "WEEEE, Tillie!" just before crossing the road to the bending line:
I totally counted out loud and we got a bit long to the B element but i was soooo happy!!
She took on the next few jumps so easily its ridiculous, and we came to probably the harder element on course:
Tillie was so sure of herself, my words of encouragement were, again, probably more for me than her. She was so cocky after this I said out loud approaching the last two jumps, "OK mare, dont get cocky, pay attention" since both were still nice and inviting but still decent sized jumps.
Sure we got sooo many time penalties but I got choked up and did almost cry galloping through the finish. We officially completed our first training level event and XC was such a breeze it was ridiculous. The tears were basically an overwhelming emotion of going from not being able to do BN without looking silly to completing training level bravely and confidently.
My next event wont be until early September, so I am looking forward to really getting my own shit together and giving Tillie the ride she deserves!
Success doenst always mean ribbons, but placing well is certainly a benefit
I have officially saved and printed this article to keep in my tack box. Most of us that compete have the drive to want to achieve more. We push ourselves, set goals and test our own limits. Sometimes that means stepping slightly out of your comfort zone or your horses...what makes a good horse person is knowing when to stop or stall...how to do that while keeping things positive.
Like knowing when to ask your trainer to hop on your horse for more insight
I have been living by the motto #progressnotperfection with that whole philosophy in mind. Sometimes, progress means having to take a step back or feeling a bit awful before the success or reaping the benefits. Lately, stepping up to Training level I have felt a bit self conscious and a plethora of other negative emotions along with it forcing me to question maybe I should not push to be doing Training level yet. I could reason why or why not all day long, but this article sums up much more concisely what i am trying to say in this post.
I am not perfect. Tillie and I definitely bring out many bad traits in one another sometimes so much so that I have questioned if we are the right fit for one another. I am sure many other fellow equestrians have also been there too. It comes with the territory when riding a living, breathing, evolving animal.
Oh the angst!
I do pride myself on knowing my horse like the back of my hand, like most of us do. I know when she isnt quite right, I know how much to push her and when to back off and sometimes even against my better judgement I cave to my emotions and Tillie sets me straight telling me it wasnt fair...and I know when she will. I can tell if she is slightly off - sure not lame or unsound, but just isnt right. Sometimes I see lameness when there isnt any to see because I am so paranoid.
Like freaking out about her yawning at first...but now i know when she does it, what prompts it and when its abnormal.
The article resounded so much to me because Tillie and I are living it right now. I recently have stepped out of what feels comfortable to push to be better. Its disconcerting and can mentally get to you if you let it. I am lucky to have many people to talk me off the ledge...more importantly the backing of many trainers confirming what we are capable of. And yet, I all too easily let judgement of others creep in.
I can admit that from others looking in, not knowing our situation, its easy to think wow that was a fast move up. I am stating this because I've gotten those remarks...and I would be lying if I said they didn't bother me.
Our first event of the season at Beginner Novice
I have a pretty nasty habit of letting what others resonate and haunt me...some of it is assumed (so may be unfounded) some of it is definitely based on remarks that are pretty blantant. I know I can be sensitive when it comes to Tillie and what I am doing for soooo many reasons, but this, as many of you will understand, is my passion. So yea, I get a bit worked up about it.
I even take PTO and havent taken a vaca with own hubby to do things like go to K3DE
I have pretty big dreams and aspirations...I know it takes baby steps like the article says, sometimes millimeters before centimeters or inches, but its progress. I am incredibly self conscious about any progress we make...again way too much to delve into without this turning into a novel. But basically because I don't want anyone to feel like I brag.
Our first novice this season...and I might have bragged a little
But to all fellow equestrians out there that put in the work and try so hard to improve: You get to brag sometimes and its ok. You know why? Because like this article says, for every step forward it takes both an inner and outer struggle to get there. But you did it! Even if no one else sees it as step forward, YOU know.
This isnt an us against them post: but it is a believe in yourself, cheesy, over-the-top, motivational one hopefully. We ALL have our own stuff to overcome. If your lucky you have a great support system to help you weed through the thick of it. If you arent, know you arent alone and someday you will find the right people to be your support.
Like finding the Dom Schramm clinic which has led to him becoming my trainer and a huge catalyst for us this season.
I currently am competing at the highest level I ever thought I would get to. Its a big deal to me. Only recently did I realize I have a horse that is capable of taking us further. No matter what, I know this because I have the trainers and coaching taking us through the growing pains Ive blogged about to get to the next level. I hope everyone out there reading...not that there are many of you...finds a way to push past the boundaries and just keep trying.
Like setting jumps like this!! I dont think Id ever set an oxer this high or wide for myself without my coach....and doing it never felt too much with their guidance but alone maybe...
Despite our recent events on paper, which read like bad or poor outcomes, I am so incredibly proud of them. I thought for sure the first Training level event Tillie ever would do would be with a trainer of my choosing on her back, not me. So you could say I am a bit proud of myself too (which you will NEVER hear me credit myself like this ever again.)
Competing in our first Training event
Its normal to doubt yourself...lately I have for silly reasons. I sometimes still doubt Tillie and its unfair to her. She is awesome. She has proven to me that with some resilience and determination, tenacity can get you somewhere.
Like I said, our Training debut and second attempt may not be a "win" on paper, but the very phase I was most concerned about with the move up (and is the most dangerous) has been the most petrifying, exhilarating and fun phase (in that exact order)...and dare I say it, has felt effortless. Tillie has been bold, confident and made my job easy which makes this whole experience way more fun.
Anyone that has overcome that struggle and mental hurdle knows the internal joy, but its never enough when you are hungry. I do think sometimes that drive for "more" can be judged as being too much. But I also think sometimes pushing the limits is needed. You'll learn by trying that too much is when its too much...as long as you know when it is and when to let up. If you have great trainers they ride that line so you never exceed "too much" and always slowly test what is next. I dont believe Tillie and I have reached this is too much, but we are in a place of needing to adjust and get back on the same page. While we may be slightly in a transitional period, I trust in our training. I trust in the plan my trainers are telling us to do and she steps up to the plate when I need her to.
So getting off my pedestal now, this is meant for anyone out there doubting themselves. Know your horse, know yourself. Take the leap but only enough that it scares you just enough to be outside your comfort zone but doesn't shake your confidence. Sure we may not snag the ribbon, the approval of others or whatever your own stuff is...but be confident enough in your partnership with your horse to know when the improvements happen even when no one else notices.
Dont ever stop pushing. Dont stop dreaming. It may not turn out or look like the picture you originally thought of, but anyone that hinders that progress or dream is someone that will only hinder you. It may take longer than you wanted, a different horse, a different coach or what ever...but dont ever stop believing. Its ok to be passionate. Its ok sometimes to brag and celebrate the win...and there always is one somewhere in the mess that is horse ownership.
After my mini panic attack after walking my first Training XC course, which got me so in my head that my riding suffered in the first two phases, I decided I needed to have a plan going into my second Training event. I have been working hard since our fall to find my mojo again and get back in sync with Tillie jumping. Its slowly coming back, but I was a bit nervous about this second attempt and if it would help or hinder.
This was my "OMG im might die fence" at the last event which ended up riding just fine
To help keep things going in the positive direction, I asked Dom to walk my courses with me and walk me through tactics and warm up plans for the day. I am so glad I did because, unlike my last event, this one I walked it and felt confident despite some solid fences and questions.
Dont get me wrong, a few fences I did mentally note to ride the pants out of...but I knew we could do it and nothing felt too big to handle...I know I am getting my mojo back when the fences dont look as intimidating.
So I am going to share each fence and the feedback Dom gave on how to ride each one:
Fence 1 pretty straightforward with a downhill landing. Dom said to be sure to let the reins slide out and sit up on landing with it being down hill but to trust Tillie and allow the terrain to back her off since it swooped back up hill again approaching fence #2
Also another straightforward fence Dom said to take in stride and use it to check in. Do you have a half halt? Is Tillie responding to the aids?
Fence 3 a fairly wide table Dom said to make sure you get to the base. He said to prevent the holding and gappy distance we tend to get sometimes, to ride the "waves" of seeing the distance. Youll feel the first wave of seeing a spot, then the second and maybe a third. More often youll want to wait to take the second or third wave.
4 A & B were angled tables 4 or 5 strides depending on your line. Dom said to really ride middle to middle and watch out for drifting at these...they will need to jump these wider because of the angled approach needed.
Fence 5 - the product stand. I took multiple angles of this one because it was a sizable one for sure and after a downhill approach. I knew this one I needed to sit up and check in with Tillie a good ways out. Quite a few horses looked at this or refused it. Dom said it was imperative to have the horse balanced after the hill for it and keep the leg on with the dark mulch which would possibly throw the horse off.
The chevron we spent some time talking about because many green horses will be unsure about these with the cutouts in them. Dom said not to take it for granted because of that despite it seeming to be a straightforward fence.
Fence #7 and our first water complex...this fence I thought looked big! Compared to the prelim fence next to it. Dom reassured me to look at only the solid portion not the brush and that we could jump it all day long. The tricky part of this fence is that a large pond sat just two strides straight behind it so the horse could potentially read it thinking it was jumping into more water PLUS you had to turn right away not to end up going swimming.
Fence 8 was after a nice galloping portion. So the key was to rebalance and be ready to land and go right into a narrow path through the woods on a slight turn which could throw off the rhythm.
9 A &B the second water complex. We talked about this one quite a while. 9A was at a bit of an odd angle to get the right approach requiring you to hug the tree line. With it being a jump directly into water it could potentially be a tricky fence. At least it had a gap under so the horse could see through and get a better read on it. Dom said not to be alarmed if the horse jumped it and lingered or stalled but to really keep your eyes up and locked on the B element with leg on.
Fence 10 was another quite large one but one to take out of a forward stride.
11 A & B on a bending line. We walked it to be 5 strides. I took a picture of the back side because the image doesnt make it appear too large, but it was a quite sizable B element which Dom recommended jumping towards the right, wider part so it would read and feel more like a table.
This fence was an open oxer...which I should have gotten more angels of. Dom said to ride it just like an Oxer in stadium, get right to the base and go for the nice jump up and over so the horse lands softly but not flat.
Pretty straightforward rolltop but it was a slight downhill landing just before the half coffin so the strategy was to take this more to the left to set us up for the coffin.
Now that we stayed left for the other fence, it would set us up nicely to read this combination. The trick being to make sure the horse locks on the correct jump after the ditch.
Another straightforward jump but to be sure again to get to the base and not get too flat with the next combination shortly after.
16 A&B Bank to skinny. Dom seemed surprised this was on the course because the bank was quite large (3ft) and really took time to talk about riding it well. He stressed not to get too long to it and get right up to the base because otherwise the horse may hang a leg or miss their footing. He even said if needed to trot the approach to ensure getting right up to it.
He said then to make sure I dont sit on her too soon and finish my bank ride before setting up for the skinny...it was long enough away and he wanted to be sure we got up the bank in balance. Once all four feet were up, then concentrate on straightness and close the left aids with it being on a slight right bend and stay tall since most horses will run out on it right on take off.
Second to last fence just take it out of stride and pretty straight foward.
Same for the last fence.
All in all Dom felt this course was more inviting and easier for the horse to read than our last event so reassured me we would do just fine. Which Ill let you know how we did later this week!!!
