Yet another Novice competition recap - Dressage

I feel like this 2016 season is flying by, yet I reflect back to our first event of the season at BN and am amazed at how forever ago it seems. So many things have changed some not as good, but most things for the better. The more we do all the things and do all the shows, the more I am learning...not only about showing and Tillie, but myself as a person.

Peaking out of the trailer after our go for the day and hanging out to watch our buddies!

Turns out, I am pretty damn confident (outwardly at least)...mostly its a face to pep talk myself. But also I am really super competitive with myself - Ill touch more on this later in this post. But I feel like the dialogue in my head is not super confident...mostly repeating "balance yourself mare!" over and over, but I do feel like that warp-like time speed thing when jumping is starting to become normal speed which allows me to process and make better judgements. I know its allowing me to be a smarter rider.

Like approaching the giant bench in a tree line expecting a questioning Tillie,
riding it more confident so she comes at it guns blazing.

All this repetition is allowing me to be a smarter rider BECAUSE we have been doing it and experiencing all the different ways to answer the questions being asked. The result is slowly chipping away and smoothing out some rough edges. Dont get me wrong, it isnt perfect, nor will it ever be, but I am really proud of the horse Tillie is becoming.

How we feel before stressage

It was a really early wake up call for this show since I knew the time between our dressage and jump rounds wasnt quite enough to untack, walk the courses, come back, stud and retack...If you have ever been to Fair Hill, you'll know its quite a hike to the jump portion of the event so I wanted to have more time to stud and be sure those were good with the ground being as rock hard as it was.

4:41 arriving at the barn

Even with really awesome stranger eventers offering us rides, I still felt a bit rushed and had just under 30 minutes to warm up for dressage. It sounds like a decent time, and at home it would be 10 min warm up 20 min working, but at a show Tillie gets unfocused and untrusting. She isnt bad, she doesnt misbehave or act up like she did a mere few months ago, but the best description is just protective and wont let her guard down. It is as if she holds her breath the entire time and lets it out right after we halt.

Almost done our test!!

I was pleasantly surprised with how she warmed up...and how quickly as well. It wasnt the horse I get at C lessons in dressage, but she was working well and working without soooo much help from me. She knew her job, would bending and listen to my aids willingly more so than any other show. Her canter warm up was flawless...I was a bit worried to push much more because she felt so great and comfortable. Sure, not 100% relaxed, but would go in whatever rhythm I put her in, bend off my leg and I didnt need nearly as much softening or half halts off my rein to get her attention.

Sneak peak at the final results...; ) and alllll the hay for the spoiled girl

While I dont think our dressage score of 30 reflected how happy I was with the test, I was thrilled. Tillie did pick up more tension once we got down to the ring (or I did)...but it sits slightly lower from warm up so she kept wanting to peek up there to see what was going on. It was never obvious, but she didnt want to work in the bridle as much this test. With that said, She was consistent. Something we have lacked in past tests, particularly in rhythm. I also felt like I was less micromanaging her and could leave her alone more.

Her canter in particular impressed me the most. It felt smooth...something it hasnt ever felt in competition before. I didnt feel worried about getting her back to trot and her trot after felt way more free and promising of what we may get in later competitions.

Anyway here is our test:

There is a lot more to like about this test. It was clean enough to get us into third - WHICH btw we were competing in the open division with only a handful of other riders one of which is my own trainer Dom Schramm who kicked all our butts with a 22!!! The 2nd place rider had a 29 and change followed by myself. So needless to say, I am really hopeful with  more dressage work we can be up there with the big guns!

While a 30 is still ok, I am determined to get us into the 20's more regularly (see the self competitive thing I mentioned earlier).  I am hopeful this will happen and know we have it in us. 

Loch Moy Dressage Break Down

As I stated in my post yesterday, dressage left little to be desired...especially with how well Tillie has been going for me lately. Don't get me wrong a 31.8 is a decent score, but I know we can be in the 20's and if I can get her going as well at events as I have been at C's or home, we would be in the low 20's according to dressage trainer C.

Basically Tillie when shes tense...all or nothing

I had a dressage lesson with C yesterday because I literally just cant get enough of her lessons and I wanted to pick her brain about the tension and judges comments from the event. Which were minimal and one worded comments BTW. Just not helpful and either she really didnt like us, or she didnt want to be there that day. Either way, C was pretty riled up at the lack of any remarks...there werent even collective comments.

Side note: I do love how Loch Moy is ran and the jumps are beautiful...but the dressage part of these shows now both times have my a little disgruntled. Both times I have competed there the judges have really lacked on the commenting or even completing the tests. My trainer, C, has been a bit peeved by the test too and flabbergasted at the lack of a completed test and remarks.

Soooo tense

Anyway, I planned to get on very early and just walk Tillie around on a loose rein to take in all the things to try to help. She did this quite well and was very relaxed. She even was pretty good when I picked her up in the walk, but as soon as I asked for trot all bets were off.

Now, there was no airs above the ground or blows up like we had a few events ago in warm up...but she just would not relax no matter what I tried. I tried everything from rating the trot - going slow to fast and back to slow, I tried lateral movements, counter bending, loosening my reins to see if she was claustrophobic, cantering a bit...the trick was it was also pretty hot, so I didnt want to get her overly hot...but C suggested yesterday maybe just let her canter it out next time a bit longer.

We chatted a lot about it and if its possibly me and something I am doing differently even though I feel much less nervous and more relaxed at events than I ever did last year. So our homework is go do some dressage shows.

Here is the video of the test:

You can see its slightly quick and shes against my hand pretty much the entire time...especially after canter she wants to root and pull down and low. That was the name of this test either bracing and racing or low and slow.

Its quite frustrating knowing how well she can go and THATs what I want to showcase...not this reverted version of a racehorse....**sigh**

I know I am being picky. I am still proud of her and shes come a lonnnng way with this, but it has been a bit of a consistent thing at shows I want to iron out. It also didnt help I came prepared to ride Novice A and realized when I was on deck I needed to actually ride Novice B - EEKS!!

Luckily we have been riding that test...lol but it was one more unsettling thing to add to this phase.

Anyway...C watched my video and compared notes to the test. She said she saw lots of things to like and some not so nice things lol and we worked on a few more ways to get Tillie unlocked. It was one of the hardest lessons I have had in a while because it didnt FEEL good, But C reassured me and asked me to trust her - that we need to focus on getting Tillie unlocked at the base of her right side of her neck.

Mind blown after that lesson

We did A LOT of 10 meter circles tracking right basically over bending her and asking her to MOVE the F away from my right leg since C said shes a bit dead on it. She said this is also why left lead canter is tough because she locks on the right side. So LOTS of counter flexion in canter too.

What FINALLY helped is when C had me both in canter and trot totally ignore her fussing and being connected and just keep her poll up and basically leg leg leg to get her booty under her with a TON of outside rein and then be soft to let her be straighter and carry herself rather than me helping her. This made a HUGE difference in canter and a few moments she even lifter her back.

So we have some things to work on, but at least we have a plan and I am determined to make sure Tillie doesnt get too worked up with this new set of homework we have.

Recent dressage lesson = TONS of homework

Continuing on my recap from the weekend...it also includes my Sunday dressage lesson. I dont normally do lessons on Sundays other then teaching my own lessons, but with it being overcast and a bit drizzly I jumped at the shot to slip in an opening that C had right after Emma had her lesson.

So we hitched a ride with Emma and I am thankful she got Tillie loaded up for me while I finished up with my last few lessons. After a bit of rushing around, it turned out C was running really late so I made it long before Emma got on and was able to watch hers! She'll be recapping her own lesson on her blog I am sure soon - here.

An indication of how our lesson went...a tired and itchy Tillie

I mentioned in my Part 1 recap from Saturday's lesson that lately I have felt Tillie falling back into the old habit of wanting to put herself in a safe zone and not being all that agreeable when I ask to change that. She'll happily go around straight, bent to the inside, high or low but once I put her there, that is where she wants to stay. She is quite smart and only recently did I figure out this is what she was doing rather then just being stiff or harder one way vs another etc. 

C pointed this out right away and said that while its a much better place shes putting herself in, we still need to be able to adjust her more readily and have more give at any time. So we went right to work and I can summarize all I can hear in my brain after the warm up:

1. Push her around the inside leg even more - SO much freakin inside leg
2. Watch out for a stiff right hand, but open and close to have more bend in both elbows especially the left (nice to know I have issues on both sides)
3. My left shoulder creeps forward making me crooked/twisted in my torso
4. Dont be afraid to take the rain until she softens BUT I must soften and follow her back

 Tillie had a few moments of "No I dont think so" before she settled into a nice rhythm and really started to dig into work. She was so into it, her vibe was contagious and I felt a bit like the little engine that could as if she were thinking "I think I can" over and over.

C had us going on a 20 M circle spiraling into a smaller circle focusing on really getting her to give and wrap around my inside leg before using a fairly quick leg yield to push her out without losing the shoulders. Here is where we talked about leg use and keeping it longer when applying it since I have the old habit of lifting my heel and my leg then shrinks about 6". Ok maybe not THAT short, but its a bad habit among many others I need to break.

Here is a video of warm up...notice Tillie really starting to dig it by the end of the clip:

After the warm up we continued trotting but started asking for leg yields, but really quick lateral ones to promote getting her out of her comfort zone. Tillie was all business. 

It felt really good and still amazes me how well she is progressing despite not riding at all during the week with our ring still frozen. After a bit of a break which had a lot less rude pulling and rooting then usual, C had me start back up said, "ok, now sit your trot"

Lol I made a face apparently because she laughed and said everyone makes that face!

Being fairly new to sitting a trot where my horse is actually going...it is not the most pleasant thing in the world. Ill admit, I feel as though I am riding it ok, until I watch the videos. The amount of discomfort that I am emulating is so apparent I was uncomfortable just watching it:

At this point, Emma started filming since my phone died. C  prompted for me to canter (I love how we will be going along and rides as you go and gives us commands a few strides before she wants it). Sadly we missed capturing on video the first and most wonderful right lead canter transition. It took both Tillie and myself by surprise that C even laughed and said it was all over my face.

C had us move onto leg yielding in canter to get her more mobile and rideable in canter. At this point its been all about the basics of balancing her and keep her from diving on the forehand...so it felt really good to receive a command that required taking our canter to the next step - which as you can tell in this clip Tillie wasnt quite prepared for: 

What I have loved about the sitting trot despite how uncomfortable it is, is how much it has helped me get a better feel in the canter. I can only describe it as me feeling more balanced and stuck in the saddle which allows me to use my seat to better help Tillie. The leg yields in the canter were quite fun! Tillie gained a bit of speed through them, but it didnt feel too bad with how soft she was. 

So we moved on the left lead canter which is our harder and weaker lead. C guided me on how to use a better timed half halt to get her more balanced and using herself better without me grabbing and bracing on her. 

It produced quite a nice canter and we were able to do some of the maneuvering from this lead as well. At the end C had us try some lengethings in the trot across our diagonals to promote testing the boundaries of balance which Tillie tends to err on the side of caution. You can see in the clips she gets a bit unsettled and really doesnt let go of her shoulder just yet in them...but C reassured me it would take some time for her to trust herself to just ride very straight, weight even and both elbows stay at my body. 

The lots of homework part includes:

• Taking Tillie big around the entire ring to test try to get her trusting lengthenings more
• Sitting trot there is no head wag which means rising trot happens from tension on my arms
• Bring my left shoulder back/straighter
• MORE inside leg and MORE bend to get her out of the safety zone
• Sitting trot practice rocking back more and letting my "crotch bounce" 
• Stretchy trot (which we did a few circles of here)

Poor Tillie was so tired after trying so hard she was ready to go to sleep:

When you get sucked into your horse's antics

I was quite excited yesterday to be able to make it out for a ride at a decent ride after work. Despite the cold weather, which literally happened overnight, I was ready to get into our training regime and work on some homework. Not to mention, I was eager to try the new footing for myself!

I dont have any new photos to share unfortunately, so Ill just share some old ones for fun! 

Tillie was fairly nice about getting tacked up...she hasnt been lately with her soreness and ulcer issues, but shockingly she wasnt really back sore at all! Still girthy but her ulcer meds should be here hopefully soon. We did some carrot stretches (with left over candy canes!) and got a few pops out from her neck. Today it was only stretching to the right we got them...most days its both sides.

Anyway, we marched down to the ring with purpose to join fellow blogger Emma and another barnmate on her greenie. Knowing Tillie hates the cold, I planned to let her walk and trot around for a bit on a looser rein until she settled in. I made a mental note to bring my quarter sheet and BOT back pad as well (I dont spoil her or anything).

This was my first ride on our new footing and couldnt wait to see if I felt a difference.

New footing!!! 

It was a bit crunchy and starting to want to freeze, but I was really impressed that it still felt nice and bouncy and forgiving...the sand would have been as a hard as a rock. There is some deeper areas that provided some challenges later in our ride, but Ill touch on that later.

Starting out in the walk, Tillie really wanted to be quick...I tried not to fuss at all too much and decided to let it happen with it being so cold and just use circles and changing direction to monitor that. Pushing into trot she felt a bit tense through her body and was hesitant to turn off my outside aids, but she eventually gave in and started maintaining a nice rhythm.

After working on both sides I started putting her together in walk and established inside bend off my inside leg aids and thought about "catching" her with the outside. I took the opportunity to try to work on my own evenness as well. She worked well at the walk and while she wasnt totally relaxed as I would like, decided it didnt want to dwell too much.

Is this relaxed enough for you?

Pushing into trot we worked through the normal conversations and did some random figures and changing rein so she couldnt anticipate and started working into the forward and slower trot homework from our last dressage lesson. This all went quite swimmingly and she began to relax and offer to stretch when I allowed.

I decided it was time to ask for canter. Knowing it was the first canter of the ride tried to keep my expectations light and my own riding out of her way to let her warm up here. I got in pseudo half seat so my bottom lightly touched the saddle, put my hands forward and let her right lead canter just happen. I kept her on the 20 M circle for this. She offered a trot transition and I allowed so we changed the rein to do left lead and it started off just as nicely.....

I swear there is a nice canter in there some days.

...Until she went into the deeper footing in the corner. Her response was to brace and race. I did my best not to grab and put her on a smaller circle and let that do the work of suppling for me but Tillie has caught on to this trick and decided steering wasnt for her.

After a good 2-3 circles of establishing that NO TILLIE you MUST steer when there are this many horses in the ring, we came to trot and I prepared to try again. Well coming down to trot she reverted back to her greener days of holding her head and neck in the "im pretty and doing this whole on the bit thing" that is fake and there is NO contact there at all...but it looks like Im pulling on her because im trying to find some resemblance of weight in my reins.

Once I had at least something to work with, I tried for canter again to work on getting one that was more level headed. Once again it all was fine...until she caught site of the straight away and decided why not brace and head that way and build into a hand gallop...that sounds fun. NOT.

I had to use a one rein stop and kick the snot out of her with my outside aids since that is what she chose to ignore and after some protesting she came down to a walk. Took a minute here to reestablish contact and had to go back into trot work for a while since she wanted to do this choppy jiggy trot behind the contact and be cheeky with me like "Ohhh see I can go slow"

She produced some lovely trot work here after a few laps and was quite supple either direction, even left bend!

I knew I had to canter again though and get a quiet, SOFT canter before I called it quits so I started randomly asking for trot, canter trot and canter on a circle for a bit and back to trot.

She shockingly didnt get too expectant to canter but I just felt like we were out of sync. We werent clicking and I felt like transitions were full on in the 2 score range complete with giraffe mode and inverting.

can we go back to this night when we could canter outside of a circle without losing our brain?!

A few times in the ride, my trainer D's voice came into my head probably because Tillie has acted this way more in his lessons then with anyone else...but all I could hear was "nothings changed in a while, you need to do something to get a bigger response here..."

When walking her out to cool down she was still quite speedy...but at that point I didnt want to mess at all anymore or have any more arguments. I realized I got sucked into her antics already this ride and I felt really disappointed with myself. I have been really good lately about not getting so rattled, but this is the first ride in a long time it got to me.

I dont want to lose this magic!

I guess these rides are bound to happen...but I instantly feel helpless and like I shouldnt be riding unless in a lesson setting. I crave a dressage lesson so bad it puts me off wanting to ride again until I get one which is ridiculous. It doesnt help my last ride in the smaller ring wasnt particularly splendid either...even though that one I didnt get rattled as much it sorta caught up to me here.

Logically I can talk myself off the ledge, but emotionally I succumb to all the negativity. I realized by the time I got home, I have only been in 1 actual P lesson in a month between holidays and Tillie's shoe...and realized SHE has been the reason Ive had confidence and the cool calm go with the flow mentality lately.

I was contemplating missing this weekend to attend a local show, but I think after this ride it is apparent I need to make a visit with DR. P as I am calling her now.

New footing = sassy Tillie

In my last post, I mentioned the new footing work that was done New Years Day.The goal was to take out a lot of it from the smaller arena with it being too deep, and add it to the larger arena and cover more of the surface. Well apparently with this footing, a little goes a long way...

The large arena was leveled out and not quite finished so the entire right side of the ring and back corners have become a bit too deep. Very surprising considering there wasnt nearly enough footing at first before this work was done.

It is not unrideable at all...but will need to be addressed to prevent any injuries. I am dying to try it in the larger ring, but because that was taking so long, I settled to try the smaller arena.

Tillie loving peppermints and grooming. 

Despite Tillie losing her shoe only a few days after being shod, she seemed fine on it and I had a plan to try some exercises from my new Christmas present: 101 arena exercises. But once we got in the smaller ring it became apparent I would have to do some riding on the fly. The footing was really unlevel and still way too deep at each end of the ring. With this ring being a hair under dressage regulation, it makes trying to avoid those areas pretty tough.

Tillie was a bit pissy to start off, whether it was the odd footing, it being a bit colder or her missing shoe IDK...BUT I just kept her on a circle and tried to get her to relax.

She felt awfully tight and defensive through her whole body. I decided when we first trotted to not touch her face at all and just get her moving to warm up which seemed to help. We had a bit of trouble getting a forward, non-stabby trot I think with her not trusting the footing and her own balance, but eventually she started to figure it wasnt SO bad.

Shes always been funny and choosy about footing....yay for being a cross country horse lol. I wasnt planning on cantering in it until she threw a bit of a hissy and went back to leg means go rather then soften.

Emma hung out for a little bit as I started putting her together. I cant say it felt fabulous, but her and the other onlooker said she looked pretty light and uphill. We were running into more left bend and bridle unsteadiness tracking left, but it didnt seem to be nearly as bad and before. I also realized it is most like my crookedness causing this since the last two rides its apparent tracking left that I twist my body out causing my right leg to go forward and weight placement to be off. I imagine this makes it hard for Tillie to balance properly under me.

ALLLLL the footing

We did some figures of 18 meter circles a A and C crossing the diagonal each time to change the rein.

Once she got a bit more consistent here I worked on the homework from our last dressage lesson with C and worked on rating her trot in the middle of the ring where the footing was the most consistent. She had a bit more trouble with the go, but I attribute that to the small ring size and footing.

I did push into canter both leads a few times just to establish a proper depart and canter to offset her hissy fit earlier in the ride and be clear what the aid for canter is and what the aid for being is. Again it was a push ride in the canter and I think the footing was really making her work.

I didnt dislike it!

I did try for some stretchy trot to really hound relaxing and trusting balance more and once she gave me a little bit of try both directions with that I called it a day.

All this work makes me thirsty! 

Worry warriors

In my last post, I brought up some health concerns regarding Tillie that may or may not be as big a deal as I am making them out to be in my head (ok probably most definitely not). I finally caved and texted my vet who likes to call me the worry warrior because without fail I worry about everything and anything even when its fairly normal. I realize this makes me a bit neurotic...

To bring a few to light:

1. Almost every Sunday after trailering to my jump lesson saturday, she goes off her grain. I can go haul to a dressage lesson and she eats just fine though (I will admit though she is a lot less looky at the dressage barn then the jump lesson barn). 
2. She has gotten progressively more aggravated brushing or tacking up...especially girthy.
3. She has been so incredibly back sore she buckled so low Christmas even I thought I might cry
4. She yawns a lot...like abnormally a lot. 

Maybe if I dont look at her she wont notice I am here...

#1 and #2 most definitely sound like ulcers to me but its just a bit abnormal, in my experience, for a horse to go off grain for one specific day and not consistently on and off when they have them.  She used to always be a good eater and would eat pills out of her grain no problem, but now any small change as of late she takes a bite and wont touch it all. She will eat her hay, treats etc eagerly though...

So my initial attempt to treat the ulcers with Abler's pop rocks isnt working with her now being so picky. So plan B...I ordered their Stable Pack tubes in the hopes that will do the trick.

#3 is still up in the air on causes...so next steps on remedying it will have to happen as I check things off the list...below is what possible causes could be:

• Harder work schedule/jumping more so is sore in that those muscles are working harder right now
• New bit is making her way of going a bit different using new muscles
• Saddle Fit
• Ulcers (recently did some reading that ulcers can cause backs soreness)

I think its possible all of those things could be attributing to it, but I am hoping its the Ulcers...Ill be interested to see if it changes anything after treatment. Ill also be having the chiro/accupuncturist out next month so hopefully shell be able to provide more insight as well.

Doesnt Tillie just look so amused

#4 Is an odd one...I felt a bit moronic texting my vet asking him about a horse yawning a lot but I really do notice it quite a lot. Its always after we ride without fail, but sometimes I see her do it in the field, after eating or just hanging out in her stall. I have a never ending collection of yawns from Tillie because of just how often she does it.

Just hanging out in her stall

My vet's initial response is not to worry...but lets not forget I am the worry warrior. So in true worry wart fashion, I start researching why horses might yawn and those findings seem to be debatable and nothing really set in stone and that, like us, horses can yawn for various reasons:

• Some believe horse yawn with abdominal discomfort or when colicking (makes sense if she has ulcers...)
• To release tension (when done after riding or a chiro/massage treatment)
• Stretching their jaw after the bit comes out or if they tense their jaw when riding

not a yawn, but stretching after chiro and just adorable.

Of course I cant help myself and continue reading more and more as there seems to be no shortage on the theories of why horses yawn....

• another source says horses yawn when they are stressed as a calming effect to release endorphins and then associate that nice feeling so do it when they arent...Thats super helpful right?
• Drowsiness or rather they will when starting to wake up from snoozing
• To catch their breath if they have been holding their breath or not getting enough air intake
• After something pleasant happens (lol way to contradict everything else I have read right?!)
• Yawn when their state or arousal changes pleasant or unpleasant...after being stressed or frightened or after something they enjoyed (again super helpful....)
• Last and most frighteningly least, yawning can be a sign of neurological issues which is caused from a liver disease

Some articles adamantly insist is it stress and pain related while others insist it isnt and its simply a change in arousal (waking up) and drowsiness and some say all of the above.

**head desk**

I must walk away from google now...

My vet did question her ability to sleep and if her environment allowed for that. I truly think she can sleep just fine since many times in late afternoons Ill get pictures from barn mates like this:

So, in short, I have no idea why Tillie yawns. I may be turning this into a mountain when its a molehill...but in the meantime Ill try my best NOT to worry. Silly worry warrior just doesnt want to lay down and leave me alone! 

When boring is where you need to be but you cant accept it

Its hard to remember the fact that my first jump lesson with Tillie was less then a year ago. It was in an indoor when we could only ride 1-2x a week with the frozen ground...I also have to remember that, in the not so distant past, most rides where more "exciting" then not, even when we only flatted. They were riddled with a rushing and non-rhythmic trot, exuberance in the canter and just general over the top sass. The trot rhythm and tempo being the hardest thing for us.

Still trying out this double rein thing.

I say this to remind myself because I often get stuck in where we are now and feel defeated that progress isn't happening - at least not fast enough in my mind. While I am feeling a bit less excited at the moment in both Tillie's progress and my own, I must admit that being here in the land of boring is O.K. 

Sure, we are not uphill enough yet...our canter isnt balanced all the time...she jumps too flat and from the shoulder, BUT at least at this point, we are doing these things with much less attitude and more understanding of our job and what is expected.

The only sass moment from our lesson...so things are 100% boring ;) 

For Tillie, trying to get her to chill the fuck out and be boring has seemed to be my number one objective all along. It has caused me to ride very defensively and Tillie to get angry which starts a viscous cycle. I watch some of my videos and tear us both to shreds and hone in on every last bit of feedback we get to the point of agonizing over it. NOT GOOD and it really isnt helping me by doing this.

What I am currently agonizing over, yet again, is her jumping form over fences and her general way of going which has the tendency to be downhill. We had our weekly jump lesson with P and she remarked how quiet Tillie looked, but she was still jumping too flat and not really pushing like she should be.

Found this gem from last winter...yes its a bit over exaggerated and Tillie taking the long spot, but its a good example of the jumping flat and not round.

Instantly I get myself all worked up because who wants to have a horse that cant jump? I mean she jumps and is super willing (sometimes way too eager) but as an eventer you want a horse that jumps well and safely for both of your sake. Ill give her credit, she is athletic enough that shes gotten by at this point and clears fences fairly easily but we are only jumping max 2'11 right now...most days closer to 2'6 or 2'7. My fear is that there will come a point this poor form will make or break whether or not shes can do this.

Leave it to me to take a perfectly fine lesson or ride and freak out...things calm down, get boring and I get all edgy and jumpy from the residual PTSD I have from the first year of owning this horse when I constantly had to look over my shoulder for a phone call she was injured yet again.

I do not like drama yet I seem to create it for myself.

The moment you forget to finish a portion of the exercise

There will always be something for us to work on. Horses and training are never ending, but I have this awful way of taking what that next thing we need to work on is and turning it into my this anxious worry that my horse wont be my partner in crime.

I want to reach my top goals on her. The far out ones like getting to a 1* and I would love for her to be a horse people see and go, man what a nice horse that is. I know the latter of that statement is me looking for validation...but I do still feel as though Tillie doesnt really get noticed when we go places and it makes me feel like maybe she isnt something special.

My weird tense riding at its finest.

I know that is my downfall and its something I should make a goal every month for the rest of the year to work on.

It doesnt help that I recently noticed a few things that are causing some concern (which seems to just make me that much more edgy and prone to being over anxious on all other things Tillie related).

1. Tillie has intermittently been off her grain. She always will eat her hay in her stall eagerly..but she has never been a picky eater or one to do this. 
2. She is incredibly back sore. I feel like such a bad mom for not noticing because she hasnt been...back sore to the point I just lightly touch her and she buckles and dips so hard I worry she might fall over
3. Horse cant balance and stand in the freaking trailer 

Tillie still seems eager to work and quiet.

I attribute #1 to the increased amount of work and more frequent hauling...I already started her on ulcer treatment BUT with her not eating her food that has it in it doesnt really do anything. I unfortunately think I need to invest in some of the paste which is like 2x more expensive.

#2 I have no idea yet what the cause is but talking with Emma shes talking me off the ledge and we are sort of leaning towards the fact shes been in much more aggressive work and jumping the most frequently she ever has. So basically like us when we start using new muscles get sore. I want to believe this to be the case with her still going so well and jumping so quietly. I fear it may be saddle fit issue, the new pelham bit or, worse yet, the hind end lameness I delt with last year possibly coming back to haunt me and its showing up here first. I have not decided my next course of action yet for this...I think I need to calm the fuck down before making any decisions or spending money of a vet if its isnt needed.

3 I will elaborate more on below...

When your horse canters over fences rather then jumps.

So back to our lesson Saturday, I had to haul us there with Emma being back in business on Izzy! Woo!! But Tillie HATES my trailer and cant stand up to save her life around turns...In another friends that is wider it isnt an issue at all. In Emmas she would mostly for slower turns after being stopped or really slow. BUT for some reason in my little straight load is the worst and you can see her shoulders flying all around, her head goes flying side to side and it just generally looks unpleasant. I have no idea why she still even loads because I KNOW how much she hates not being balanced. I have started using shipping boots for fear shes going to slice herself open in her scrambling.

I have no idea how to remedy this other then keep hauling and hope she figures it out.

Bitch please, Im fabulous

Other then that we tacked up with a lot of her looking around and just disregarding my space (a few good checks on that she was fine) and hacked up to the ring like a pro. I am so pleased with how well shes gotten this part down since the first few times she was so jumpy and jigging the entire way up there.

This was my first attempt to jump in double reins. It is really apparent I need a curb rein and my current one is way too bulky/uncomfortable, but it was good enough to attempt and P commented that this bit has really seemed to mature Tillie. She know seems to understand her job and despite occasional sass its usually when shes calling me out on something I screwed up.

 Tillie went through every exercise like it was no big deal...watching back the videos from this lesson though it is really apparent just how flat and low she is jumping AND just in general my lack of equitating even on the flat. WTF?! Just a few lessons ago I felt like it was better and now my heel is up and my back is hunches and my shoulders are so tense I look like a tool.

All in all the lesson was long!! a good 2 hours at least with a lot of standing around and catching up which was wonderful...it was a solidly boring ride from Tillie made not boring from all of my woes.

so anyway here is the video mash up of some clips a student of mine capture (sorry for the poor quality, Emma and I are definitely going to put her in videoing boot camp!)

Holding on to all the good feelings

Its no secret of my struggles with confidence and taking this riding business way too seriously. I am trying to harness the wonderful feelings I have gotten from recent good rides to remind myself that it took a lot of bad rides to get that moment.

Naturally, after such a high from a fantastic ride, I brace myself to the not so great to happen. This is a habit I am desperately trying to break and I think that some of my more recent rides, I am starting to let go a little bit more.

Tillie always gets to me with her cuteness even after her doses of sass

Thanksgiving morning was beautiful weather and a perfect fall temperature - not too hot or too cold. Tillie on the other hand did not wake up on the good side of the stall because she seemed much grumpier then normal and just very blase about tacking up in general.

I know the feeders fed slightly earlier with it being the holiday so maybe her beauty sleep was interrupted.

So tired....

As soon as I got on I could feel that she was a bit more defensive in her body. Back to holding her neck in that Tillie Tense way that no matter how much "massaging" and shhhiing I tried to do with some spirals, serpentines ground poles to lift her back she was just not having it.

Maybe Tillie would be in a better mood if she didnt poo where she eats

Even changing the rein she suddenly would invert lose the connection and rush especially going from right to left which left tends to be her harder side. Well, we all know how horses are. You nail it one day and the next its foreign. So I tried not to be too frustrated even when she was pulling pony worthy moves of overly reading into my body and slamming on the breaks to trotting too fast to not understanding outside aids or reins.

Nope, not in the mood

So I decided to not get to nit picky and just get her moving and unstuck so lets canter...that did seem to help and get her more through at the trot after and I was able to have a more honest contact in my reins. So we left it at that and I gorged myself on all the good food and thanked my lucky stars that regardless of the fact it may not have been a "good" ride, it was a good ride all the same because I have a sound horse who I thought may never be and I am physically able to ride.

See...its the simple things!