When you have no motivation

I was really hoping this year to be a huge break through in Tillie and I's progress...which I was hoping would mean showing until I became bored at the level. Honestly I came into this season thinking we would be killing it at Novice by this time this year.

As we all have experienced our horses sometimes have different plans in store for us...and my fire cracker mare just cant help but injure herself right at the most inopportune times and always just long enough to slide back a few clicks. - don't worry ill try not to get too whiny in this post.

Tille really enjoying her time off by eating A LOT. 

SIDE NOTE: I am so incredibly excited for my barn mates and fellow blogger Emma and B who both have been working hard with their horses, competing all year and just over all killing it. The improvements made by both pairs have been amazing! They both are what I hope Tillie and I will be one day. 

With that said, it makes me a bit sad I am not out there with them. Ok more then a bit - a lot sad. I have only been able to get us to two starter trials when my goal was to do at least 4 with some jumper shows sprinkled in. *sigh*



I know Tillie and I are progressing...it just feels like the slowest progression on earth. I know I need to be patient and understanding. That is so much easier said then done. I realize our goals are different now. We are focusing on smaller (but HUGELY important) things that sometimes I find difficult to feel good about. Like finding the right trot or canter. I KNOW these are important, I just get so frustrated at ride after ride and now a full year later this is what we still are focusing on.

Tillie doesnt know what all the fuss is about.

OK OK I know, I am starting to sound sorry for myself, but I find it really hard to find motivation without having that looming show on the horizon.

I get tired after a long day and excuse myself from a ride thinking "what will one off day here or there hurt?"

I know for Tillie they hurt a lot in the bigger picture. Mare needs miles. That is one less day she gets them...but finding that motivation to push through and with winter coming is really really hard.



So I am trying to challenge myself to go X amount of days in a row riding. Even if it means early mornings...Lol ok who am I kidding. I am the snooze button queen, but I need to start somewhere right?!

Motivation of the day: Our first ST of the year at BN and Tillie was a bit wild in stadium,
but still the best pony I could ask for especially saving my butt XC.

Al whining aside, I know my focus and motivation needs to stay on the small things. So I promise to keep taking lessons as much as possible and working on my confidence.


Doing my homework:

My last blog post (slower and deeper) was outlining what I know my immediate goals are. One of the biggest ones is not using my reins as much to maintain Tillie's tempo when she gets too fast on the flat or over fences.

So Saturday's ride that is EXACTLY what I did. I got on and resolved to try not to touch my reins through our warm up at the walk, trot and (wait for it) canter. In true tillie fashion it took some time to settle into the trot. She really wants to rush and build. I was using my legs so hard I thought I might die.

Tillie says  "But I's a good girl?!"

Finally we found a good tempo and so I took a big breath and went for the canter. Shockingly, Tillie strolled around like it was no big deal. 

I contemplated calling it a day on that, but decided I need to do better about pushing the limits sometimes and today felt like one of those days. So I set up a few X rails. 

I started on the circle like my last D lesson. First at the trot and then at the canter. It was so smooth and fun, I felt like the luckiest horse owner in the world. So it begs the question, why does she act so much nuttier in D lessons?

One ear on me at all times saturday

My theory, I tense up and over ride my horse. Not to say she isnt at fault sometimes...but I do think its me. So back to chipping away to just chilling out which this winter with D away in Aiken will be a good time to evaluate. 

Tillie oblivious to how psyched I was after that ride

Guess who's back in business!!

Hopefully without any more hiccups!  Tillie is back in work and we have had 2 rides under saddle so far. I rode in the PF jump saddle and so far realllllly LOVE IT! I may have to ask Emma write a guest blog on it since shes been borrowing it and riding in it much more then I have so far...

After the first ride back! 

First ride, we kept it simple and I really only expected basics. I re-pushed some buttons to make sure they are fully installed and not sticky or rusty ;) All was good and there was no sass or unnecessary excitement. 

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Just cuz shes cute! 

Second ride back we braved the canter...and it woke the beast a bit to say the least. She was perfectly fine and did exactly what I expected which was celebrate how fun going fast is!!! She did some head tossing, shoulder flinging and finally some dolphin diving/leaping to really express how much she enjoyed stepping up a gear. 

Clearly please with herself after the second ride...notice my stubben has slipped forward from the head-between-the-knees celebrations. 

Tillie really clearly enjoyed herself in our ride and was eager to work. A good friend who has seen Tille go a lot over the last two years remarked how even she looked and it looked like she was the most "sound" and comfortable ever!

One of my students taking Tillie out after our ride.

Tillie has gained quite the belly while out of work!

Life on stall rest

As most of you know, Tillie has had the last two weeks off from being a bit foot sore after a recent trim. Well, as always when she is out of work she gets herself into trouble...

We are looking at another possible two weeks of rest, but this time in a stall. Fellow blogger Emma found Tillie Saturday morning with a pretty nasty wound that ended up requiring stitches.

WARNING: Below pictures are graphic and show the wound...it isnt big or anything, but does show blood...

Emma's picture first finding it.

All cleaned out before the vet arrives.

Wrapped and waiting for the vet...Mare was quite the pistol coming in. Prancing sideways and all sorts of proud of herself. 

The vet suturing it up after lots or protesting to the block....even under sedation.

More stitches.

The next day getting some fresh air.

Her face is just too cute...I cant stay mad too long even if her silly injuries are just silly.

I'd like a sense of humor and a little bit of letting things go please

Horses never cease to surprise us and keep us on our toes. That goes for both the good and the bad. With my horse being laid up for a bit, it takes all I have to not feel like we are getting left behind.



All of us riders that compete know what its like to have goals. It is a never ending uphill climb. I really loved the recent blog post from The Chronicle of the Horse: "Embrace the Suck."

It really felt so great to read that and nod at my desk in agreement (I have never ridden levels or movements that high but can relate!). For us worker bees that work all day and ride by night, it is so hard to get out there everyday. Even if it is a 20 minute ride just to push some buttons you've been working to install. You know, to make sure there is still some moment of "oh yes I remember we had an epic meltdown about this once or twice and realized if I just give in you'll stop the pressure"


Those little rides really do make a difference. So everyday I am sidelined I cant help but think of all the ground I am losing and all the progress made slowly slipping through the cracks that we will have to re-apply when we start back up again.

When I get a bit down and out about my riding and where Tillie and I are, I tend to have a much harder time letting things go and general lack of a sense of humor. I take it all way too seriously. I overthink everything. Both of those things are not good together.




Let's just say I am working on it. Maybe that is my problem...Working too hard at it all!? Let loose, have some fun. Why is that soooo hard to do as an adult? I almost feel guilty or like I am sneaking in the fun and if someone catches me I wasnt being professional or adult enough.

But why do I even care? Who cares if I am a goof? Or where Tillie and I are training wise? I am only making it harder on myself with all these expectations and what I think we should be doing. How about, we are where we are and that is just fine. - HA! if only that could be a mantra I could repeat and actually abide by. I am just as guilty of adding the pressure on myself as I am about caring what other people think.



Conclusion: I need to stop caring so much about what other people think. Tillie clearly could care less:

Tillie stretching after her chiro and acupuncture yesterday

When life gets crazy - update from our neck of the woods

Unfortunately, I have little to update in regards to riding....Since last Tuesday's lesson with D, I took a few days to mentally build myself up again. I felt that if I rode again and had another off ride it would mean losing the confidence I have slowly gotten back. I also know I probably should have just gotten back on the next day with a fresh slate rather than build it in my head...but work ended up being crazy busy the rest of the week with me prepping to be out of the office the following week. Yay no work for a week!!!

I then had to go home and prep for horse summer camp this week. My time off work is used to do more work!!! But really, I love it and it helps me pay off the large vet bills my accident-prone horse can't resist.

 I only got to squeeze in a ride Saturday. It wasnt phenomenal but it wasnt bad either...all in all it was a good flat school without anything out of ordinary. That is always a good thing.

 Then sunday came and Miseventer was going to come meet up with me to watch but Tillie's left shoe was so loose I had horrific images of it twisting or something and decided to not risk it. No biggie, put in a call to my farrier to come out and he said he would Tuesday. 

Tillie enjoying the attention from summer camp students

Well Summer camp started so my intentions of blogging got sidetracked to say the least. My farrier couldnt make it until Wednesday. I had camp kids so couldnt stand with him like usual and at the end he gave me an overview and said no big deal, but Tillie was sore all over her left front foot. Said to pack it with magic cushion overnight and no bute unless for some odd reason she got worse. Me being me perked up at any sound of discomfort and started to quiz him on the why's and what should I be doing:

1. Her feet were flaky this cycle which he said many have been locally with all the wet and dry weather...wet all night and baking hot and hard ground all day.
2. Her previous farrier had her toes long and break over in the wrong spot 
3. He had to take more foot than he would have liked to get to good foot 

So I wasnt too worried. I packed her and tucked her in for the night without pulling her out of her stall. 

Tillie all tucked in

Well i get here the following  (yesterday) all excited to turn her out and ride her after the last few days off. Except Tillie had other ideas. Her left front leg was pretty hot and swollen and she was clearly short and uncomfortable at the trot...she seemed ok at the walk. **sigh** so I called the vet.

Ok Tillie may be worth more than that now...but still!

The vet came and was shocked I called saying she didnt look terribly uncomfortable or off. I guess since I know her so well I thought it looked worse...sooooooo I basically spent hundreds of dollars for him to tell me she has thin soles....**head desk** (We did some other diagnostics to rule out the swelling etc)

Tillie waiting for the vet begging the kids for more attention

UGH!! I have been working this horse and jumping her all summer with no indication of sore feet or any tenderness until now. I am quite baffled. Also I am trying not to over think it. 

But this is me we are talking about. So I will try to ride her this weekend if she seems comfortable enough.